Apple hoor

Around five years ago I bought my first Apple product. It was an iPod Shuffle and I loved it. Of course I was a huge step for me to buy something from Apple. To be honest, I had this hate relationship with Apple products. They weren't proper computers, and they weren't nearly as good as the proper PC's. What was worse, was that they weren't compatible with anything non-Apple. That was probably the biggest issue for me.

At the end of the day, getting an iPod Shuffle wouldn't be a huge deal. After all it was just an mp3 player and it worked with a proper PC. I eventually made the decision to get one, and by goddess Kylie I loved it! It was gorgeous, dependable and easy to use.

It must have been fate, that my iPod passed away shortly before the iPhone was launched here in Denmark. I signed up for the iPhone because it seemed like the best thing since sliced bread. Also I never thought it was going to catch on here. You see, we are like Nokia country (despite Nokia being from Finland) and the iPhone was so pricey. I hate being on the bandwagon when it comes to new stuff, and I weren't really because I'd decided to get one long before it was launched here. Anyway, they skipped the regular iPhone and jumped straight to the iPhone 3G, and I got one. From day one, I loved it!

From then on, I got my current iPhone which is the 3G S model and I love that even more. If that is possible. It is in fact, the best thing since sliced bread! Apparently my talking about the iPhone got my brother to ditch his Blackberry (which he hated with a passion by the way) and get an iPhone. The phone has made me a little more open to Apple products combined with the fact that you CAN actually get Windows OS so you aren't stuck with the Apple one. Whatever that's called.

Now every year around this time, the corporation I work for issue a selection of products and deals that are paid for by your salary before taxes. The Danish tax system allows this, and since I pay 40% tax of all my income it's quite lucrative. Every year I've chosen to buy shares in the company this way.

This year they've included computers in the selection and I have been looking through the list feel like it's time for something nice. A treat if you will. Unlike the deal with buying shares in the corporation, this computer deal is not a one year deal. The computers are paid for over two years, kind of like a leasing agreement where after the two years are up, you are asked if you want to buy it. The purchase price would be one or two installments at the end of the two years.

Anyway, I've looked at the selection and decided which stuff to get. Since I've practically become an Apple hoor thanks to Tim. Well at least he nudged me ever closer to the joys that are the pretty Apple products. I've come to the decision to get these things

1. Macbook Pro 15" i7 2.66 Ghz



2. Apple Time Capsule 1 Tb



3. Apple Cinema 27"



4. and because I'm not completely sold on Apple software, Windows 7 for Mac.

Oh, and possibly a mouse? I am not sure if I should get one for the MacBook Pro.

Anyway I won't be getting the goodies until next year though so I'll be acting like a 5 year old until then.

In slightly more anticlimactic news, I can show you the more precise location of THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS and their journey towards Mr. Donn.

September 28, 2010 10:35 PM Ready for transport to Canada
September 29, 2010 10:53 AM Sent to Canada
October 1, 2010 04:11 PM Arrived in Canada
October 7, 2010 05:31 AM Arrived at distributionscenter Canada
October 7, 2010 12:00 PM Addressee advised to pick up item
October 7, 2010 12:30 PM Addressee being notified

It's all very exciting stuff!

Bittersweet goodbye

It's been a good few years we've had, but it was time for me to say my final goodbyes.


We said hello


We cooked


We had drinks


We cleaned


We washed


We violated religious art


We clashed with our surroundings


We stepped back in time


Then after living together for years it was time to let you go.

Stains, mysterious smells and odd sounds aside, I've had a blast with you. Which is why, it's taken me this long to ship THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS off to their new wearer and competition winner Donn.

In case the memory escapes you, it's possible to relive most of the adventures I've had with THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS here.

The shorts are now safely (hopefully, as they aren't insured) on their way to Donn as seen below.

September 28, 2010 10:35 PM Ready for transport to Canada
September 29, 2010 10:53 AM Sent to Canada

In the meantime we can all enjoy a few deleted scenes from THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS stay with me.

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts goes to.....

This is it isn't it? The moment we've all been waiting for - and for far too long. After many a sleepless night and far too many tantrums the winner of

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition

has been found. All your submissions were printed out, divided into piles and from there, started to eliminate until I was forced to realise it was even harder than I thought. You were all brilliant, and if I could I'd send The Shorts to all of you, but I can't. A winner must be found, and so I ventured on. As you were all brilliant I don't want to single out some of you and not mention others (who were equally brilliant) but to stretch this post for all it's worth, I have to.

There were the straight (tee-hee!) to the point captions like this one

mago: Two minutes.

There were the long stories like this one

Tatas: One day Little Cyberpete got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.
Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.
Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

The fashion critic (everyone's a critic eh? *eye roll* Tee-hee!)

Ponita: Looking down, CyberPete realized the havoc created by his glittery period had thrown his fashion sense for a total loop. What could he have been thinking.... pairing his lovely pink pumps with those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts! The red waistband totally clashed... he should have worn his ruby pumps instead.

The musical ones (pinching some Kylie, that's some coincident yeah?)

Donn Coppens:
And did I forget to mention,
that I found a new infection,
And it leaks blue SEE!
I'm spinning around...

The movie references

sEa: CyberPete sighs with great relief realizing that she will not have to confess her clandestine affair with Legolas (or was it Will Farrell) to the Elven High Council."

The imposters (I would love to see Tim win though)

Tim 'I really covet those 'Shorts' Leng: 'Petra looked down in horror at the discarded undergarments he'd stepped in. This was the last time he was having that unruly pixie-of-pop, Kylie, to stay.

The anonymous (I know who you are bitch!)

Anonymous: "All that glitters is not gold,but where that came from it's hideously old"

*sips a wee sip of Jamesons*

The ones who didn't want to enter the compo (aww.....)

eroswings: The Elf critic review of the Mariah Carey movie, Glitter!

Tim: It quickly became apparent that all that glitters really IS NOT gold.

Oh my! These are brilliant. Does it get any better than this? Well.... here are the contenders for

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts

The first 9 entries are in no particular order as they deserve to be recognised for being fabulous and (some of the 10 most brilliant entries)

mago: Two minutes.

Tara: Only CyberPete knew where the stolen diamonds were really hidden.

savannah: "well, where DID you think angel dust came from, darling?"

INNER VOICES: "what would you do for a klondike bar?"

mutleythedog: What does the loo roll look like I wonder?

FirstNations: I was wearing them. sorry *kicks pumps off and staggers away*"I must be geting on in years," thought cyberpete as he gazed sadly down at the evidence "...all I did was sneeze."

Random Chick: "Miley Cyrus finally enters puberty."

Famulus: Euw, I'm not snorting that!

Jorge Porge: "I would have thought that elfs used mini pads"

breakerslion: "Moments the Sisterhood try not to think about."

Oh gosh! Weren't they brilliant?!? I bet you are wondering what could possibly top that, but one person kept going and going and going.... You get the point, and they all had me in stitches (except the sober tran caption. I recent being called sober!). That person was none other than our very own Homo Erec...sorry,

HOMO ESCAPEONS (aka. Donn Coppens)

With the caption

Hey Sailor, mi Curaçao es su Curaçao u like?

H'OKAY TWANTEE DULLAH!

CONGRATULATIONS!

However, this is not it though. I have one more thing to pass out, I have something special for someone very special who didn't participate. You wonder who and what it is.

T-Birdy come and claim your prize! - and because it's your lucky day, I'll throw in a little something extra.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Now Mr. Donn Coppens and Miss T-Birdy please email me at cyberpete@webspeed.dk to claim your prize.

Thank you everyone for playing, and I hope you will all come play again if I should find myself in possession of said Shorts or something else (tutu anyone?) to auction off to the most entertaining captionist.

Prophecy III

Then, I saw a new heaven and a new earth
And I heard a great voice from the throne saying:
"Behold the dwelling of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts are with men
They will dwell with them, and they shall be its people
And The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts themselves will be with them
The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts will wipe away every stain from their every orifice
And death shall be no more
Neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore
For these things will have passed away

To the needy The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts will give pleasure without price
From the pool of filth and sleaze
He who conquers shall have this heritage
And The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts will be his God and he shall be their son

But as for the cowardly, the faithful, the unpolluted
As for the losers, religious, saints, and all righteous
Their lot shall be in the common space of man

And The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts said to me, they said to me:
"Do not seal up the words of the prophecy, for the time is near
Behold, I am coming soon"



Come back tomorrow for the big reveal

Prophecy II

And I saw The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts rising out of the hedge
And a blasphemous name upon its back
And The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts that I saw were green
Their waistband red
And their legs had bells upon their ends
And to it the wearer gave his power
And the whole earth followed The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts with wonder

And they worshipped The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts saying
"Who is like the wearer of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts and who can fight against the wearer of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts ?"
And they opened their mouthes to utter blasphemous words against their wearer.

They were allowed to make war on the wearer and to conquer
And authority was given them over every tribe
And a people and tongue and nation
And all who dwell on earth could worship The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts in vain
If anyone has a blog let them read the captions
If anyone who makes the winning caption
Then he or she must wear them



Come back again tomorrow of course on Thursday

Prophecy I

Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy
And blessed are those who hear
And who keep what is written therein
For the time is near
They is coming with the clouds
And every eye will see them
Everyone who pierced them
And all the tribes of the earth will wail on account of them

Those of you who have not learned what some call the deep things of Satan
I know your works, I know your toil, and your patient endurance
And how you cannot hear evil men
But have tested those who call themselves former winners of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts
but are not.
And found them to be false
I know that you are enduring patiently
And bearing out
For their namesake
And you have not grown weary
but I have this against you
that you have abandoned the love you had for The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts



Come back again tomorrow and Wednesday and of course on Thursday

Disconnection

Apologies for not being able to post the results of

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition

Before we get to that though, I'd like to tell you all a story from the real world. The world of my Internet supplier. You see, I called them a month ago to tell them that I was moving. The guy typed my new address into his system, made a note of what I wanted done. I wanted the large cable tv pack and my 12mbit connection moved to my new address. He assured me everything was fine and that it would work on Monday, March 16 at the latest. I was happy and we said our goodbyes. This is when I mention that I've moved twice before and everything worked like a charm both times.

The move itself is a post for another time because that was quite traumatic and the issue isn't settled yet. Anyway, I found an envelope from Yousee - my Internet supplier in my mailbox saying that they'd registered my order. This is when everything went downhill. They'd registrered it to the wrong appartment and floor. So I called them (waiting in a telephone queue for about 20 minutes) and told them my issue. The Stupid Customer Service Monkey (hereafter known as SCSM) apologised and changed it while I was on the phone. I was pleased and we hung up.

Well, on the 18th it still wasn't working so I called the SCSM again, only to talk to someone else who could say that the order was placed as a standard order meaning I wouldn't have Internet or cable tv until the 30th. I told them it wasn't acceptable, and SCSM didn't know what to do. A few choice words later he cancelled my order and placed it, while I was on the line, as a priority order. I asked how long it would take until it would work before the weekend. The cable tv started working Saturday, yet still no Internet.

Monday the 23rd I called first thing, speaking again to SCSM who couldn't say what was wrong. He said it was supposed to work and that I had to speak to someone in the technical support department so he transferred me. I had the pleasure of a girl who politely told me to turn on my cable modem because it was offline. I told her, politely, that my cable modem was turned on already and that it had been for the past week. She said that she'd send out a technician to have a look and he would call me within a few days time.

The technician called Tuesday and we agreed that he would come by that same day at noon. He promised to call ten minutes before he was at the address so I'd have someone let him in. At noon he called and said he was ten minutes from my address - in Copenhagen! I politely told him I had moved, he laughed and said he doubted he was allowed to drive all the way across the country to visit me. He said he'd call Yousee to tell them and I said I would too.

Furious Pete (that's me) called Yousee and said a few choice words, they were useless of course saying they didn't know how he'd gotten my old address because my new address was the only one they had on file. They would however send out a new technician to my new address and he would call me. They couldn't say when. In the end he came by on Friday and fixed everything. It took less than five minutes.

Now, I'm expecting two bills for the technicians. If they bill me I'll spontaniously combust, but look out for the mushroom cloud.

By the way, about The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition the date has been cast in stone.

The winner will be announced on Thursday April 2nd.

But come back for more every day until then - I'll make it worth your while.

Dare to wear

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts

EDIT: delay due to lack of Internet. The winner will be announced on SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. Apologies.

So come back bitches!

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition

Behold the moment you've all been waiting for

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition!

A cleaver girl once said, 'it's never too late' and since nothing lasts forever I suppose I must pass on the pleasure of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. For the rules look in the post below and for the history of these Freakin' Green Elf Shorts go here

Introducing....

Now please leave your captions here. For the rules, see the next post down

The competition closes at midnight CET on Friday, March 13th

On your knees and read the rules! NOW!

At last! Here’s your chance to enter The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Though it pains me to remove them from my head, the time has come for the thoroughly stained Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts to move on to their next foster home.

“What do I have to do to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?” you ask.

Take a long, hard look at the photo above of CyberPete (that's me) wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.Create a caption.Post your caption in the comments section.I’ll choose my favourite caption and post the winner’s name.

“May I enter more than once?”

Enter as many captions as you wish, as often as you like.

“What happens if I win?”

If you’re chosen as the lucky winner, I’ll send The Shorts to you. If you’re in another country, I’ll also send you a souvenir of my country, Denmark, along with The Shorts. Bonus!Then it’s your turn to take a photograph of yourself wearing The Shorts and post it on your blog.

“I don’t have a blog or a website. Can I still enter?”

No. You’re shite out of luck. Set yourself up with a blog because if you win, you must post a pic of yourself wearing The Shorts. We all want to see you make a fool of yourself like the previous winners have all done.

“If I send you my credit card number and access to my bank account, will you declare me the winner?”

Bribery will not (maybe, I do need new designer shoes! I have Paypal) be tolerated. So far I have received bribes involving wads of cash, and offers of sexual favours. Grovelling and begging is looked upon favourably but will not win you The Shorts.

“How long do I have to enter?”

The competition closes at midnight CET on Friday, March 13th.The winner will be announced sometime after that at whatever time I get around to it.

“What if I don’t want to win The Shorts but I want to tell you how stupid you look in The Shorts?”

If you don’t want to win The Shorts you can still leave a comment. Just be sure to let me know it’s a comment and not a caption.

“Are those stains removable?”

No amount of scrubbing will remove the stains.And why would you want to?

“Will you wash The Shorts before you send them to me?"

Again, why would you want me to?“I’m new here. What’s this all about?”If you’re wondering what this competition is all about, read The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

"Where have The Shorts been before me?"

Caprice

Tomorrow

THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!

Crave

Come back on March 5th

THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!

You know you want to.

Covet

Oh yes, oh yes. Come back on March 5th

THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!

It won't be long now......

breath!

Check back on March 5th. But I sure hope you'll keep coming back before that.

Come see the Mermaid

This just goes to show you that there are perverts everywhere. Almost daily we are subjected to filth and perverts over at MJs but who knew we could find it in our own backyard. Well it's not exactly my backyard as I don't live right next to Langelinie where The Little Mermaid takes up residence here in Copenhagen.

Well there was a story in a paper today describing how a 180cm tall, bald man wearing a white hoodie (I assume the hood wasn't up) was seen having sex with himself in front of the poor innocent statue.

Unfortunately the man had already pulled up his trousers and gone on his, assumingly, merry way when the police arrived at the scene. Such a pervert. And so close to where Her Royal Highness the Queen lives.

It's shocking!

In other news that are not at all related to this story, and then slightly related as the location was considered for the elaborate photoshoot, I can tell you that I've not yet put a date on when the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition will be held. Although narrowing it down a bit it will be sometime this year. Still remember to check in as there might be another teaser before long.

Bonus round

Sayhey brings you a bonus picture of TFGES.






Why would you want to give up this, when it's so good at cleaning.

Or more importantly why do I find myself uploading these all giddy when I will regret it in the morning?

I blame the Pierre Ponnelle and the Italian red wine.

Can't get blue Monday out of my head

Over the next Mondays I will be introducing you all to blue food. I know you are thinking why, and the simple reason for this is

THERE IS ENTIRELY TOO LITTLE BLUE FOOD

Yes it's true, there is. Think about it for a while, what food is really blue? This is why I'm pushing the boundries of blue cuisine. An haute cuisine if you will. Frankly I'm tired of boring regular coloured foods and want something a little more progressive.

These upcoming Mondays will show you that you too can have blue food. Use your imagination and join us here at Sayhey in our world of blue foods.

I will not start this until next Monday though but I'll leave you this little teaser



Stick around or the shorts gets it