Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging All About Steve

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events .

Todays feature is the delightful little nugget All About Steve. Now, I love Sandra Bullock and find Bradley Cooper to be devastatingly handsome, so let's see what the movie's like.



Well, I have my ideas as I heard the movie earned a razzie or two the same year Sandra Bullock won her Oscar for The Blind Side.

So bring out the popcorn and the Champagne, coke floats, soda or whatevs and let's get going shall we.

Radar Pictures? Never heard of them.

Ugh! Thomas Haden Church? I hate him. Hated him since that dreadful movie Sideways where they go on a wine tasting trip for a batchelor party or something and hook up with that Asian woman from Greys Anatomy. I really wanted to like that one, but I SO DIDN'T!

Sandra B walking happily through the streets in her red vinyl boots. Not sure I like her hair.

Sandra B is meeting with her boss. She makes crossword puzzles and she wants to get her stuff in the paper daily instead of weekly.

Evil boss is not having it. BOO! Her boss wants Sandra B to date more.

Sandra B has a blind date this evening. Exciting.

She's about to speak at carrer day at a school. Comedy may ensue. The firefighter next to her is cute.

I'm a sucker for a man in a uniform.

The kids are mean to Sandra B. BOO! I think she's going to reevaluate her life.

Sandra B does physical comedy well and they add that little noise that makes it sound ever the more painful.

She lives with her parents. She's cute.

She's going on a date with Bradley Cooper! How hot is he! Go change Sandra, change!

Sandra B just went to slut it up. Slutty Sandra B!

Wow! What a smile he has.

Oh, oh! Sandra B just jumped Bradley Cooper in a car but now she's very chatty. Shut up Sandra B and enjoy.

Awwww. He's ditching her. So sad.

The crossword puzzle Sandra B made was All About Steve - like the title. CLEVER! Or not...

So they are firing her over one puzzle. Bubye Sandra B. Sad.

The Asian guy from The Hangover is in it too.

New word: Snotsicles

Bradley C is so cute.

Sandra B just tried sliding down a banister in nothing but a towel. Comedy ensued and the repeating of "doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt.." Priceless!

Even Thomas Haden Church's voice is dull. It's like watching Tom Hanks at the Oscars.

Dead horse - alive!

Sandra B is just filled with useless information about EVERYTHING. She's yapping on and on, on a bus. So much so that they dumped her in the middle of nowhere. Bless her.

It's a little funny though.

Sandra B is stalking Bradley C, but she's too late at the place of the dead alive horse.

Comment of the moment: If God didn't want my daughter to have a third leg, he wouldn't have stuck one between the other two.

If that's not a little filthy, I don't know what is.

Bradley C, THC (Thomas Haden Church) and Asian dude from The Hangover are now in a new place reporting of the controversy of a girl with 3 legs. To keep the third leg, or not to. That is the question.

Oh, Sandra B just showed up! Brandley C just noticed her and her boots! Hah!



There's a demonstration with pro and anti leg protesters. We don't know if the leg is fuctional and has full mobility. We are at the edge of our seat.

Oh, there's the creepy geek from Road Trip! He's wearing a baby blue hat.

THC invited Sandra B up to the media tent to meet Bradley C. He's so mean.

Ew! THC just mentioned Bradley C's loins. I don't want that image.

YAY Bradley C just punched THC in da face! Love it.

BREAKING NEWS! Three's the charm! They decided to keep the leg for now.

Hah! This is physical comedy at a very high level.

Creepy nerdy dude from Road Trip is an apple sculpturer - weird.

Hah! Next up, bear in jacuzzi?

TORNADO!

Panic!

Car stalling!

Excitement!

CGI!

Whooops! Kids just fell into an abandoned mine shaft. Hahaha.

The news team Bradley C, Asian dude from The Hangover and THC are on the way.

Quote: If you quit a puzzle, you can't finish it.

I like that.

Whooooooops! Sandra B just fell in the hole. HAH!

Awwww Bradley C loves Sandra B.. that was a romantic speech

I think one of the fire fighters was a demon on the series Charmed.

They aren't sure Sandra B will make it so creepy nerdy dude from Road Trip is making an apple sculpture for her when she gets out.

I just noticed that the word "word" in Danish (Ord) is the same in singular and plural unlike in English. Why haven't I thought of that before?

THC just jumped into the hole.

They made it out of the hole. Pheeew! Had me on the edge of my seat clutching my glass of Champagne with one hand and my heart with the other.

Bradley C is so hot.

The End.

The trailer is here



If you want to see Sandra B accept the Razzie award for her performance in this slightly ditzy but adorable and amusing movie, see this

Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging RED

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events .

Todays feature is RED. I'm watching it in HD on my Yousee box. I love this rental feature where I don't have to go anywhere to rent a movie. All I have to do is push a few buttons and BOOM! Movie right on my TV in HD quality. Best part is, I don't have to take it back as it just disappears again after 24 hrs. None of that Lovefilm DVD thing where you must pop them in the postbox on the way to or from work. Besides, I only get a bill every 3 months.

As I said, todays feature is RED. The action movie combining the unlikely of Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren and action movie. Here we go... 

DC Comics? Is this based on a comic book? Oh no!

Bruce Willis still looks hot.

Also starring: Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Mary-Louise Parker, Julian McMahon, Ernest Borgnine, James Remar and Richard Dreyfuss. They pulled out the big guns eh?

Bruce Willis lives very neat, with dark furniture and dark blue walls. He looks bald.

Apparently Bruce Willis is lonely because he tore up his pension cheque to call Mary-Louise Parker for a new one. Apparently he does this a lot because they seem to know each other pretty well.

Mary-Louise Parker wants excitement and travel. She reads romance novels. How novel.

It starts a bit slow. He lives in Cleveland and it's around Christmas. I know this because it said Cleveland on his trash bin, and the gaudy holiday decorations are up.

God, if I looked like that at 50 or whatever, I wouldn't be eating dinner alone! Bruce, I still would...

They both read the romance novel.

I don't get why Bruce Willis has to sleep wearing so much clothes.

Oh, oh ACTION about to start!

Intruders in the house, and Brucie is in the kitchen, or so they think

Bruce is so KOOL!

Packing his emergency kit and then he's out of there while the house is getting shot at by machine guns of some kind. It's all a bit over the top and American. I love it!

Oh, he's not out of there yet. He's been hiding and massive shooting. Don't they ever run out of bullits?

Kansas City!

We are now in Kansas City at Mary-Louise Parker appartment. She was not expecting Brucie in her flat. Haha. She's throwing stuff at him.

Oh no, they are very being followed and so he put gaffa tape over her mouth and tied her up in the backseat. She's not happy about it.

Sounds like Fragglerock if you ask me.

Oh, cute man is setting up someone for a crime at a gorgeous modern house. He has someone hanging by the neck now.

New target is Brucie. Cute man is a black op guy.

New Orleans hello!

Mary-Louise Parker tied up to a bed.

Meet Morgan Freeman in a red velvet tracksuit. This isn't a pretty picture.

Brucie and Morgan are talking. Brucie brought fingers with him. I'm not kidding! FINGERS.

Morgan Freeman to Brucie: "somebody has a serious hardon for you" - favourite line so far, and so true. So true.

Mary-Louise Parker escaped. She was very shocked she actually got loose, and now there's trouble. Cute man found out about her.

Brucie saves the girl. She was injected with a sedative or something. She's hjigh apparently.

Cute guy getting shot at. He's not just cute, he's hot.

This is so not a real street. This is a studio lot for sure. A little disappointing to be honest.

First Coca Cola sign.

CIA is behind it all apparently. Morgan figured it out.

Welcome to New York City. Been driving on that very road I think.

Mary-Louise Parker to Brucie: "I was hoping you had hair" - first bald head joke. It was pretty funny.

Oh look! It's Lanes mother from Gilmore Girls. She is the mother of a dead journalist that Brucie and Marylou (Mary-Louise Parker is now known as that).

The plot thickens. Brucie and Marylou were checking things out at the library it seems.

Dramatic facial expressions by Brucie. Apparently the guy who they were looking for is dead.

At the CIA there's a records keeper who has all the records of the black ops agents. Apparently Brucie used to be one of them, and cute guy is now checking it out.

RED is Retired Extremely Dangerous. Now we know that.

Pensacola, Florida

Brucie and Marylou are about to meet someone in alligator land.

It's a little exciting.

Whoooops there he is!

He lives in a car.

We are about 32 minutes into it now. It's actually pretty good. Not at all comic booky, that there's anything wrong with that. I like the old Superman movies, Spiderman and I'd like to watch Green Lantern.

Mobile, Alabama!

A city called Mobile? Weird.

The dude they hooked up with walks around with a teddy bear pig and is very paranoid. It's a little funny.

James Remar! WE LOVE YOU!

James Remar just passed. May he rest in pieces. Again lots of shooting and explosions. BOOM!

Brucie really LIKES Marylou.

Brucie now visiting the Russian Embassy to see someone to get help. They want to get into the CIA.

Love the sort of faux cold war, iron wall aspects. We need more of this.

I also missed the really bad fake Russian accents. The worst I've seen are in K-19 Widow Maker starring Harrison Ford.

Now Brucie and Marylou are going into the CIA building. It's a little exciting and a little bit Covert Affair esque.

Another hair joke. Hah! Somehow I think Brucie would look a little sad with hair.

Cute nay hot guy and Brucie (also hot) are now fighting. it's a little exciting and very EXCITING if you know what I mean.

They got out. Much excitement going on though.

ENTER DAME HELEN MIRREN!

Well, actually Brucie entered Helens house. "I kill people dear", Helen Mirren is so kool. Never thought I'd hear her say that.

We just established that cute, nay hot guy has a family. I'm sure that'll turn up later.

Who knew Helen Mirren could be this gun crazy. It's fun.

They've discovered the reason why and who wants them all dead.

Lots of shooting, commotion and Marylou was just captured.

The only one who does any real acting in this movie is Helen Mirren but she really does upp the class, the lass.

Brucie is now at the cute, nay hot guys house calling. Threatning his family.

Marylou is becoming kool. How about that!

Brucie is going to kill the guy behind it all. so they are going to CHICAGO!

I've been to Chicago, it's not all that.

Helen Mirren is looking classy as ever.

Julian McMahon! He's attractive. I'd let him..

Apparently he's their target. I'm sure after a bit of schmoozing there'll be gunfire and other action business.

Excessive firepower but very entertaining
It's very American but we are loving this!

THEY SHOT DAME HELEN MIRREN!! So.not.kool!

We are almost at the climax of the movie. Exciting stuff.

All we need now is Brucie snogging cute nay hot guy.

The END or in French 'fin'

I do hope they'll get the entire cast back to do another one. Cute nay hot guy is Karl Urban

On the town

Last week was hideous. Truely hideous. Except for our resident witch's birthday of course. A beacon of light in the pitch black pit of depression that was week 12 of 2011. Thankfully the hideousness ended with me running out of work at 1.30pm to prevent myself from jumping out the window although would make little sense as we are on the ground floor and I'd probably just scrape my knee and ruin a perfectly good pair of trousers . Later I also shipped my parents off to the Canary Islands which means I have access to their washing machine while watching cable tv (I don't own my own washing machine and am forced to use the dingy laundry in the basement) and sipping lattés plus driving around in their boxy beloved Toyota Corolla Verso that fits 7 people. You'd think I finally found my Tigerblood groove because surely you'd think I was duh winning! starting to get back on top.

Things had just worked so well up until then because I'd gotten my Kylie tickets, plane tickets and I'd spent a lot of time finding the hotel I wanted to stay at in New York.

First of all, thanks to MJ for scaring the shit out of me me senseless with her friendly mention of bed bugs which seem to have taken over the world Manhattan. It's strange how people don't mention them but once you mention them, everyone has a bed bugs story or two. It's very unsettling. It was quite traumatic but thankfully the Kimpton properties in Manhattan don't seem to have any bed bugs problems according to the Bed Bugs Registry. Yes, there is such a thing. Again, scared senseless. All those red dots in Manhattan. Ick!

As I mentioned, I had picked the hotel I was going to be staying at. It was a lovely Kimpton Hotel right by Time Sq. called The Muse. In the end though, I had planned for so long, that there were no more available rooms at the hotel, so the joke was on me. Frankly, if they couldn't accommodate me then they weren't worth me even batting my eyelashes. Still, it threw me off a bit because I'd booked it on Tuesday or Wednesday, I can't remember, and got the bad news on Thursday at work. On the very day when I first suggested jumping out the window and a colleague said I could just walk out the emergency exit instead and spare my trousers. I can't help it but think I really missed out as it looks a bit European and doesn't have those hideous bedspreads that seem to be doing the rounds at a lot of hotels.

In the end, I ended up booking a Premiere Kings room at another Kimpton Hotel called 70 Park Avenue. You may ask, if I get kickbacks every time I mention Kimpton Hotels on this blogpost, but alas I do not. I wish! However I do have previous Kimpton experience as I stayed at one of their hotels in San Francisco in August 2009. A hotel with a view over San Francisco Bay and Bay Bridge. It was a wonderful experience and I have every hope that I will indeed be looking very much forward to arriving at 70 Park Avenue on May 2.

Yesterday I also happened to discover that my ESTA Visa whatever thingymabob I need to enter the United States does not run out until June 2011 which, as far as I am aware, means I won't have to re-apply and can just edit the one I have. WIN! I will have to read more about it though, because there could be some rule or something that says that I must re-apply. Another WIN was when the insurance company that I have my travel insurance with called me young. Apparently I qualify for a YOUTH policy. I feel so young again. A mere kitten.

I am a little bit sad, that I am missing Fleet Week.

So, all in all I am very excited about this whole PeteNYC2011 project. I still need to pick a broadway show to watch - any suggestions peeps?

Possibly meeting some lovely NYC peeps for cocktails - fancy a cocktail?

Hooking up with other lovely peeps from around the world - fancy going shoe shopping and out for drinks?

Let me know

Not-so-live-blogging-Fame

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events . Let me present to you, the most recent remake of the movie FAME!

Oh, bell's ringing. It's time for class!

It's 120 minutes of FAME!

Uh uh, Fame costs, and right here is where you start paying. In sweat!

Audition day, someone's spitting on the floor.

Eww Kelsey Grammar. Don't worry, he's not on screen yet.

The music isn't very engaging. Or good.

PEPSI truck. Wow, product placement.. Especially with the huge banner afterwards.

They've got ballet dancing. I think I may prefer Black Swan to this.

I'm not feeling this. We are 5 minutes into this.

They are auditioning, and ew there's Kelsey Grammar.

I haven't seen one guy I'd give a second look.

More Pepsi. I hope they paid through the teeth for that, but I seriously doubt it.

I like this Pepsi commercial better



It's also less long.

Ok. So Malik is not bad looking.

Karen from Will & Grace is in it. Can she be anything but bitchy?

Oh, was too busy reading Stefano Gabbanas tweets on Twitter.

Kelsey Grammar is probably worst dressed actor in this movie. Oh my!

They are in the cafeteria all groovin together.

This movie is trying to be so kool, that it really isn't.

They are jammin' and it ain't slammin'

1 hour and 40 minutes to go.

More Pepsi machines.

Malik is not as attractive as first expected.

This is really slow paced, and I'm so grateful I didn't go to the movies to watch this.

Ok, Karen is a little bitchy only less over the top.

I know I've paid £2.90 to watch this, but I doubt I'll finish it.

Fame anno 2010 (or whatevs) is really dull.

This makes me wish I'd rented A Single Man instead. At least I know that is a beautiful movie.

Right, this is too painful. I thought I'd be able to at least mock it.

It's unmockable, that's how bad it is.

I apologise for taking up your time with this.

Now THIS is more like it



Or this



Now, Spice World the Movie is a delightful movie.

I don't actually care how Fame ends. It was sucking the life force out of me. So, I guess you will have to watch it yourself if you want to know how it ends.

Not-so-live-blogging-Knight-&-Day

SayHey at the movies on the sofa watching Knight & Day starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz (my two least favourite actors) so you don't have to. And believe me, you don't have to. Like in my previous post about the Oscars, I'm using the Twitter format so you'll get the random comments, insights and what else comes through my mind during these next 110 minutes. I've decided to rent it on my fabulous YouSee box and am paying 5 quid on this, you'd better be appreciative bitches! Here goes.

Wow, this HD thing is awesome on my TV. Better get a BluRay player soon. The Twentieth Century Fox logo was gorgeous. So far, massive win.

Welcome to an airport. It's starting the same way as The Terminal. An actor I don't like in an airport. This is not boding well for the rest of the movie.

Tom Cuise's glasses were crooked and he was eating an ice cream. Ugly sunglasses.

Oh, wow. Celia Weston is in the movie. We LOVE her! She's not on screen, but rather her name popped up as part of the credits.

Cameron Diaz is looking a little farm girl'ish and ooopsie! She bumped into Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise's nose is MASSIVE!

Well, they are at least speaking English in this one, rather than some weirdo pretend language like in the Terminal.

OH, they bumped into each other again. Can't be an accident, can it?

They are keeping an eye on Tom Cruise. And by they, I mean the suits.

Cameron Diaz made it on to the flight with Tom Cruise despite her initial problems of getting on the flight. Something is fishy.

This is moving along quite slowly,

Cameron Diaz is telling us about her father dying and how she restores cars and wants to restore one of his old ones. For her sister who's getting married.

Tom Cruise ishas a weird left nostril.

Turbulence made Cameron spill her drink, and she's going to the loo. Leaving Tom Cruise alone with the 5 other people on the flight.

The other people are attacking him while she's jammering on at her reflection in the loo mirror.

The people die. Including the pilots.

It most certainly isn't Cameron Diaz first rodeo. She's looking like it's her 100th.

He tells her the pilots are dead and she laughs.

You'd think gunfire in an airplane would be more than a bit dangerous. I guess this is like Mission Impossible II where nothing logic has any relevance.

Tom Cruise of course lands this massive airplane in a corn field. Bad CGI galore.

Cameron Diaz moans.

You can say what you want about Tom Cruise and his acting. He is fit, no doubt about that. He took his shirt off.

She's drugged.

The jokes are lame.

Airplane explodes - thankfully we don't see much of that. Could have been another CGI travesty.

She wakes up at home. He's made her breakfast and little notes.

The safe, friend who wants her shows up. Rodney, a firefighter with an unfortunate moustache.

Cameron Diaz is taken into custody or whatevs by the so-called FBI. She's not safe.

She realises she's not safe, but the Chevrolets are unavoidable. First proper product placement.

How does it work with people who die driving. Do their feet really press down hard on the speeder pedal? Or is that to make his hideously lame car chase thing exciting more lame?

The blue screen effects are hideous. You just KNOW that Tom Cruise wasn't on top of a car for any moment during the movie.

I know you are just dying to know what the clothes are like. Well, dull would be one way of looking at it.

The movie reminds me of a really lame version of the Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn movie Bird On a Wire. I loved that! Although all that Goldie did was run around whining and screaming.

Cameron Diaz fire fighter friend is a little bit adorable. I think it's the nose.



Tom is wearing the hideous sun glasses again.

He shot the dorky fire fighter but it's all OK apparently. Another car chase.

The banter is poor at best. They may have chemistry, but the dialogue is awful. This is only one third through the movie.

Oh, look! SHELL service station. How much did they pay for that?

They are explaining the plot. Apparently it's all about a little battery that has lots of juice. TC (as I decide to call him from now on, or until I find a more fitting nickname) was protecting the battery and the guy who made it. Someone 'inside the agency' wants to steal the battery and sell it.

Exciting stuff huh? No, I know! It's not really. Maybe I should have picked Did You Hear About The Morgans? Can't be worse than this.

They are visiting a so-called 'safe house' now. You just know there'll be soldiers attacking from all sides and TC will kill'em all any minute now.

The soldiers are taking their sweet time attacking.

BINGO!

It's all very exciting noisy. Correction Cameron Diaz is very noisy.

Am thinking about what to have for dinner. Maybe pasta and gorgonzola sauce.

Oh, Cameron Diaz was drugged again.

They are captured. TC his dangling upside down with his shirt off. All the 40-50 something women are drooling.

Hell, it was a bit drool worthy.

She was drugged again.

Waking up in a bikini on a beach far away from people shooting. That's any girls dream right?

TC trying to pull a Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. It's not working for you honey.

Board shorts and a dead fish. No thank you.

He is fit though.



While TC teaches Cameron Diaz to protect herself and they frollick on the beach, I went to get a pudding cup. It's lovely, contrary to the movie.

Now this is sort of a what's that movie called moment. Um, Anne Heche and Harrison Ford like.

She's drugged again. Or at least wakes up somewhere else.

On a train in Austria and she's hungry.

I can't blame her for thinking of food. So do I.

Could really do with some pasta right now. Yum!

There's the classic scene of being followed through a train.

Fight scene! For someone who doesn't know how to fight, she really does know her way around a train kitchen.

They all unite. The inventor of the battery, Cameron Diaz and TC.

The fight continues. Now the super human aspect from Universal Soldiers where a knife in the heart doesn't mean you die.

Ridiculous!

Now they are in a luxury hotel in Austria. They are smitten.

Cameron Diaz playing spy now. She's jealous of mysterious and attractive woman who is meeting TC.

I understand why. We all saw the tired looking Cameron Diaz with her small and saggy boobs.

Now she's been summoned by the FBI. The evil guy is with this kool black woman who is his boss. I think.

They are trying to make her give him and the battery up.

Suddenly Cameron Diaz has lovely clothes. The black coat is gorgeous. It's so wasted on her.

I don't know what to think. TC is running on roofs. Now I watched The Tourist, and I don't know if I'd rather watch him or Johnny Depp Captain Jack Sparrow do it.

Venice is prettier than this Austrian city though.

TC was shot and fell in the water. Bless.

Speaking of water, I'm thristy.

Too bad, it doesn't end here. It actually continues.

Fitz, is and this is no surprise at all, a bad guy and he is taking the battery maker somewhere unsafe we are betting.

CELIA WESTON! The ONE redeeming quality of this entire movie.

Miss Weston is TC's mother in this and doesn't know her son is still alive. Bless. She looks like she really does miss him.

I can't for the life of me understand why.

Another sort of car chase. It's getting boring, it's oh so boring and I don't recognise the zombie I'm turning into.

Drugged. Again.

They are in Sevilla, driving Mercedes now.

Dinner would be lovely right now. Still, 20 minutes left.

The plot thickens and there's an exchange of battery creater and some evil Spanish guy. Antonio something. He looks charming.

TC is obviously alive.

It's an HD quality which I've got to say is worth it. It looks lovely.

There's shooting going on and it's about as exciting as the Acapulco Heat action scenes from the 1990s



More car chase with the added feature of them riding a motorcycle and bulls are running after them.

More poorly done CGI for the bull fighting arena and blue screen stuff.

The Mercedes Benz logo is very prominent though.

Suddenly Cameron Diaz is like master shooter and it's very Mission Impossible II again.

Bad advertising for Mercedes Benz because battery maker just did something the car from the trunk. Not sure they are keen on that at Mercedes HQ.

Evil Fitz wins over TC in the sun glasses category.

KABOOOM! Dodgy battery. Fitz and his plane just blew up.

Unflattering angles galore! Cameron Diaz doesn't mind looking ugly ugly apparently

The drag queen Tyra Banks always talks about looking ugly pretty. This was definitely ugly ugly.

Black woman wears fabulous coat. The FBI woman.

Cameron Diaz just drugged TC. For a change.

The role reversing is not working. They are on their way to Cape somewhere in South America.

She just said "Get some tunes on the radio mister dj". I guess "hey mister dj, put a record on" was too expensive.

End Credits.

This is really dull. I can't believe I sat through it, or paid 5 quid for it. Well, I look at it this way, at least now you don't have to.

Now go forth, and watch a good movie like Black Swan!

Not-so-yes-it-really-is-live-blogging-the-OSCARS!

UPDATED: Scroll to the bottom for more info!

I don't remember exactly when I started watching the Oscars, but I remember the first time I watched it was in my bed. Since then it's taken a life of it's own. Now it's lushious dinner, Champagne, chocolates and whatnot. I also started out not so much interested in the actual awards. Now don't get me wrong, I still adore the red carpet and it gets my full attention, but the actual awards now get just as much attention.

Also, I was kind of roped into doing a live blogging of the awards, and I still think that's a mistake but for you my dears, everything! It'll take the format of the fabulous Twitter network where you get a little comment about something rather once in a while. It can be anything from who wins the award to how a dress looks or how good (hello Sandra Bullock darling!) or bad (hi Halle Berry dear!) an acceptance speech is. Or whatever.

The show hasn't started yet, but while I gather the last bit of chocolates and grab another bottle of Champagne, please do chat amongst yourselves.

Here we go...

Ok, funny into going on. James Franco is a lot more attractive than Alec Baldwin that's for sure.

Um, James Franco in a white leotard. You'd think this was hot but it really isn't.

OH hello there Anne Hathaway in a gorgeous bejewelled white grecian dress. I love Anne (will probably say that a lot tonight)

Who is the woman with Marky Mark? She looks a little bit like Molly Sims, maybe a poor mans version.

The Academy Award set design is really nice this year. Less sparkly and gaudy. A little bit kool.

Tom Hanks just needs to stand there to bore me. It doesn't take much at all, when he opens his mouth *YAWN!*

I think first Oscar was for set designs and was won by Alice In Wonderland? I kind of tuned out because I was bored out of my mind by Tom Hanks. Sorry, hopefully he won't show up again.

Oh, he continues.. He's put his glasses on, and no it doesn't make him look any less boring.

Wally Fister won for Inception. Not sure what the award was for though. Just thought the name was worth mentioning.

I love Amy Adams!

Oh, Cinematography was the Wally Fister Oscar. Bless.

I liked the intro to the show with James Franco and Anne Hathaway visiting the nominated movies in the good old Inception stylee

Oh, oh Kirkie! Kirk Douglas is in da house! Wonder where Michael is - is he in the In Memorium segment?

I don't understand a word Kirk Douglas is saying. Bless. I feel like they pulled him out for the novelty factor. Poor guy.

Best supporting actress award now! I want Amy Adams to win, but it will probably be Melissa Leo.

Awww the little girl is cute with her diamond hairband.

Hugh Jackman is HOT! I liked him as an Oscar host. A lot actually! He wears suits very well, as well as nothing.

Kirkie is stalling, and it's torture to the poor girls who haven't eaten anything in days.

Melissa Leo won and oh my god she's going to cry. I can feel it.

I hate Melissa Leo's hair. The dress is lovely. She was in Marky Marks movie The Fighter. She's sweet.

Still want Amy Adams to win.

Ooooopsie! Cussing on stage? No, no. There we go, come on cry cry cry - you know you want to!

Lost interest, go way Melissa. Thank you.

Hello there, hi Justin you look really pretty. Marry me?

On a totally unrelated note, I'm feeling a little tipsy. Where are the caviar puffs? WAITER!

Animated feature film - exciting stuff? It'll probably be some Hollywood thing that wins. Toy Story 3 anyone?

I just knew it! Bless. I wouldn't know if it's any good. I gave up watching Toy Story 2 obviously I haven't watched this sequel.

The winner is yammering away and he has dark circles around his eyes. Looks like the masks Robin wore in Batman & Robin..

He (the winner for Toy Story 3) was no super hero though.

On the Danish transmission we don't get commercials, but rather 3 specialists, they call themselves. They analyse the show and winners.

I love clips from the old shows, and past winners.

Penelope Cruz closeup. I didn't need to see *THAT*

I find white tuxes tacky.

Aaron Sorkin just won for The Social Network - adaped screenplay. What a dull movie.

His speech is just as dull.

Oh, the music, I love the - get the fuck off the stage music - and Aaron Sorkin is just not getting it. Send Kirkie back out there and pull him off stage.

Must say he's not winning any awards for his speech.

First win for The King's Speech (Original Screenplay) one of many if you believe the bookies. Funny man, he is. I like him a lot. No idea who he is but do I care. No.

Aaron Sorkin, take notice! That's how you do it. Short and sweet, and funny!

I am watching The King's Speech on March 9. Not very fussed about it, but I'm sure it's great.

Anne Hathaway is singing, and it sounds nice. The shoes are HOT. They are sparkly Louboutin's. I can't remember what they are called, but they were in the same collection as Bridget's Back!

Wow. James Franco as Miss Marilyn Monroe. Nice arms!

First jab at Charlie Sheen!

Helen Mirren looks amazing and speaks fabulous French!

Foreign Language Film - WE ARE NOMINATED! Susanne Bier for In A Better World. Must win!

YES! She won! She's so pretty, let's see if she cries.

She's shaking a lot, wow! At least she didn't fall.

Reese Witherspoon in a black Armani Privé. Hate the hair, but a lovely and very safe dress.

Mark Ruffalo is always charming. Ben Affleck looked hot in that Jeremy Renner movie, as did Jeremy Renner.

Christian Bale, winner of supporting actor. He should have shaved. He looks like that dull guy from Castaway.

Now we are down to less than half a bottle of champagne. Got another bottle in the fridge though.

A sort of brown dress on someone from Disney. It works! Maybe you'll see this in my red carpet post later today/tomorrow

Hugh Jackman is so hot. I like Nicole Kidmans hair and necklace, but the dress is not my cup of tea. Well maybe a cup of green tea, I don't like that.

Who scores most originally you may ask? The answer's on a postcard, or well, forthcoming.

The Social Network, Trent Resner and someone else. We are not impressed as we like A.R, Rahman.

Trent is attractive though. Oh, he's married. Never mind.

Matthew McConaghey and Scarlett Johansson presenting best sound or something. I just couldn't get past the fact that Matthew needs a haircut and Scarlett needs a new dress.

Matthew McConaghey is either very tanned or Scarlett Johansson is very pale. Either way, it looks ridiculous.

He looks good in a suit though.

Tron Legacy lost best sound editing. The Shame (haven't watched the movie and don't know what it's about but it looks interesting hence it should win)

How can you not think this is best for sound editing?

James Franco is not as good a host as Anne Hathaway but he looks good. Thank you Academy!

Oh, oh, Marissa Tomei in a vintage dress. Love it.

Oh god, I really hate Cate Blanchetts dress. Absolutely hideous. Maybe interesting, but definitely ugly. You'll see this in my red carpet update for sure.

The Wolfman won best makeup. Just as Cate Blanchett said about her dress "it's gross!"

Or, maybe she means the makeup in the movie that just won? Nah, she must mean her dress.

Costume designs! I love that category.

Alice in Wonderland? OH well, at least it wasn't that hideous western True Grit. The winner previously won for Memoirs of a Geisha and Chicago.

She's shy, reading out of a note. Come on, look at us at least once!

People are less excited about winning this year. Or there's more reading from cards and jammering on about everyone they've ever worked with.

Kevin Spacey singing, no no no. You are NOT George Clooney!

Helloooooo? Is this thing on?

Randy Newman is singing the Toy Story 3 song We Belong Together. I'm not a fan.

Maybe if I had some more champagne?



Mandy Moore singing with some hottie. Not bad. I like this.

Actually, I quite adore Mandy Moore. Her dress looks gorgeous. A blue waterfall type dress.

Oprah is coming up. WHY? It's like, why is she there? It seems she's keeping Celine Dingdong and Mr. bad wig Trump

Apparently Mo'nique who won an Oscar last year refused to present an award this year - do you know why?

Amy Adams and Jake Gyllenhall make a gorgeous couple. She looks a bit nervous or maybe she's just peeved she didn't win (I don't blame her)

Love Amy Adams dress!

Nice afro! The guy Luke Mahene, The God of Love - well, his hair is insane. He's just thanking people we don't know, at least he does it quickly. Bubye!

Awesome dress and hair for Anne Hathaway!

He doesn't own a shirt - Taylor Lautner! HOT! That's about the only Twilight thing I like.

James Franco is good at standing there looking kool!

Look! It's Oprah with the humungus boobs!



They are really gigantic aren't they!

Oh, Robert Downey Jr. is coming up - I'm sending you lovely thoughts Roses.

Billy Crystal is here, hello! Well, now that you've seen the venue from inside you can go again. Thank you.

We here at SayHey love Bob Hope!

If only Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law could make out.

Jude Law is the best dressed of the two. Sorry Robert.

We've now made it to the stage where there's a million people coming on stage for the acceptance speeches. It bugs me.

I am at the moment talking about Inception winning for the special effects I think.

The Social Network won another award. I was hoping that the speech wouldn't be as dull as Sorkins. At least this was shorter.

Anne Hathaway changed dresses again. This is a red dress and I like it. Her hair is again, fabulous.

Jennifer Hudson in an orange dress with her boobs strapped in the halter top but still doesn't look good.

Her hair is pretty though, and she's lost a LOT of weight. Not sure I like that.

Another musical number but this is weird. It's A. R. Rahman but it's still weird.

Ugh, now dull Gwynney is singing, or she tries to. I'm not buying it. Ugly microphone (is it a Mr. Microphone?).

Jennifer Hudsons boobs are squashed by the halter top. Not flattering.

Toy Story 3 won for best original song, Randy Newman. His second win and 20 nominations

His speech was somewhat funny.

After the break it's In Memorium.

Celine Dingdong is singing honouring the dead.

Tony Curtis, William Fraker, Leslie Nielsen, Patricial Neal, Robert Culp, Lynn Redgrave, Jill Clayburgh, Dennis Hopper, Blake Edwards, Lena Horne and all the others.

I am sorry to say, but I had forgotten a lot of these had passed. Like Dennis Hopper, wow! When did that happen?

I don't like Celine Dingdong and she scares the bejesus out of me. Thankfully we didn't see her much and I am a big fan of mute.

The analysers are jammering on about there not being a female director nominated this year. Oh, well, get over it.

Another gorgeous gown for Anne Hathaway!

Even Hillary Swank is wearing af fab gown. To bad she looks awkward in it.

The King's Speech won another award. Do we have an Oscar count? I don't remember. I know that Inception won 4 so far.

Awwww. Nice speech for Tom Hooper from The King's Speech. I won't listen to my mother though.

Not sure what I think about Annette Bennings dress. It's a little like an outdated Tron dress. I like her though. Yet, I don't want her to win best actress.

Hello Mr. Eli Wallach. I like him a lot. Much respect and he's less painful to listen to than Kirkie Douglas.

Jeff Bridges seriously needs a shave. He's presenting best actress. Let's see if it won't be Miss Portman for Black Swan.

God I hope Natalie Portman wins.

Yay for Natalie Portman! Her first nomination was for supporting actress in the (dreadful) movie Closer.

You can rest easy Princess because Nic didn't win.

Natalie, you are getting boring, you're oh so boring and I don't recognise the zombie you've turned into.

Oh oh Sandra Bullock! I LOVE her.

She's so funny.

Colin Firth won. This was no surprise what so ever. He should have won last year for A Single Man though.

Colin is fairly amusing compared to Natalie Portman.

Right, Colin darling, I think it's time for you to bid adieu while the audience is still forgiving because your speech is becoming rapidly more dull by the second.

I hope Black Swan wins best movie, but it most likely won't.

The King's Speech won.

Now, the PS22 chorus is singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow. I much prefer this



So, that's it. It's all over now. Another year and we'll be here again maybe live blogging or maybe not. Nobody has commented yet.

Stay tuned for a red carpet event later today.

UPDATE!

Join 'Petra over at 'Petras Palace for a thorough walkthrough of the Oscar Red Carpet, and you may see why Nicole Kidmans' hands are so hideous.

Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging G.I. Joe Rise of the Cobra

Another one of my Lovefilm.dk rentals. I already hear you ask why oh why? First of all

Enough said! In case you don't think so, I will list the other (less significant) reasons behind my choice to watch this blockbuster action movie about the all American hero.

1. (technically this should be no 2) Christopher Eccleston or Ecclescake as some people like to call him. I mean, did you not see him play psychopath in Shallow Grave? He is a great actor and I like his ears. Plus he was my first Doctor.
2. Jonathan Pryce as he is always ready with a camp performance like his villian part on that dreadful James Bond movie (possibly the worst ever) Tomorrow Never Dies although I blame that solely on Teri Hatchers abysman performance.
3. Arnold Vosloo as you can't help but love him. He's been in everything from Charmed to Red Shoe Diaries (you know, tee-hee!) through to The Mummy, all the sequels and 24 and Chuck. We, here at Sayhey, simply heart him.
4. We love any movie based on comic books or childhood toys like Transformers, Spiderman, Fantastic Four and X-Men. However, we HATE Barbie movies with a passion.
5. Mediocre American action movies are usually campy and fun
6. Did I mention Channing Tatum?

That said, I watched it. While there are definately things about it that weren't very good. Like the CGI and a fair bit of the acting, I still liked it a lot. I may have to buy the DVD when it hits the bargain bins. There really isn't much better than a camp B rated action movie with a lot of totty (with their tops off). Is there? Anyway while I have already watched it, I still think it would be a good idea to give you the run down on what it's like. Step by step. Remember, we do it so you don't (or also) have to. Ladies and gentlemen (and those inbetween) I give you, G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (like they had to put that in the title)

0.00.20 Paramount Pictures! I actually drove into their lot when I was in LA last summer. Big deal, because we hadn't booked a tour with them. So I was allowed to drive in through the main gates and drive around this flower bed thing and drive back out. It totally made my day, although I was a little disappointed to learn that we had to book in advance.

0.01.10 Oh, a backstory from France 1641.

0.02.13 Oh painful! Very hot metal mask put onto the face of a man. OUCH! He can't have lived long with that on his face.

0.02.48 Yay! Present day and Christopher Eccleston! He's telling the plot right there. Nanomites that eat metal.

0.04.16 Enter Channing Hottie Tatum. Yum! Oh and first joke. Hah-hah! A bit campy.

0.05.37 Channing Tatum is named Duke, and his lips are so sexy

0.06.16 CGI alert!

0.06.38 Uh-oh! Something is wrong.

0.07.00 I know, I know. It's bad CGI!

0.07.33 You are not making it any better dears.

0.08.00 Channing Tatum does all he can to make it all better by yelling.

0.08.40 Incoming! More bad CGI

0.09.07: Strange fighters and leather/latex clad Sienna Miller shows up. They sure as hell aren't trying to cover up that she's the bad guy now. Cliché overload.

0.09.23 I usually don't like Sienna Miller, but this is just camp enough for her to fit right in.

0.10.16 Sienna Miller spots Channing Tatum with her fancy shades. She looks troubled. What is this all about, you may think. Or you already know. I think you do.

0.10.28 Channing Tatum goes after Sienna Miller and they talk. Instead of killing him she just slaps him and he calls her Anna.

0.11.18 G. I. JOE to the rescue! Oh, sorry, we aren't supposed to know that yet. Or are we?

0.12.06 Channing Tatum runs after Sienna Miller and more bad CGI before Sienna Miller flies away empty handed.

0.12.57 Channing Tatum meets the G. I. Joes and Dennis Quaid. Heh. Channing Tatum gets bitchy.

0.14.12 Channing Tatum and his friend Marlon Wayans go with the G. I. Joes. There is a a silent man in a solid plastic outfit. The Chan man wants in on it.

0.15.21 Hilariously overdone CGI effects. Bless them for trying too hard.

0.16.24 Introduction to the Joes and they make joke. When everyone fails, we don't. Hah. Clever.

0.17.11 Yay! Eccleston is back. I love his accent.

0.18.06 Eccleston is a hologram thingy and now he's back in where ever he is. Eccleston is the bad guy. Yay!

0.19.45 Sienna Millers glasses are kool. I would wear those.

0.20.09 Yay! Arnold Vosloo! We like him.

0.20.21 More bad CGI and the introduction of the cobra. The snake freaks me out. Get that away now!

0.21.26 The snake may be CGI but that looked fairly real. Ewwww!

0.23.11 The Joe's have no idea who Sienna Miller is, but Channing knows and is about to blackmail himself onto the team.

0.24.16 There we go. Sienna Miller is a baroness now. Nice outfit.

0.25.40 Meet Storm Shadow! He is annoying.

0.26.08 Flashback to four years ago in Washington where the Chan man proposes to Sienna Miller. He looks great in his uniform. Mmmmmm.

0.27.10 Sienna Miller has a brother, and Channing promises to keep him safe while at war.

0.28.00 Back to present time, and they suit up Channing and Marlon Wayans in Robocopesque suits.

0.29.05 They now train to be Joes.

0.29.30 Hey! Was that Brendan Fraser as an instructor? He looked a bit like it.

0.30.01 Marlon Wayans keeps making passes at kool redheaded Joe girl. Stupid jokes ensue.

0.31.25 They are Joes! And now there is the Marlon and Channing half naked in the gym scene. Mmmmmm. Worth every second.

0.31.46 Marlon Wayans tries his pickup lines on kool redhead Joe girl. She's kool. And Channing in the background on the jump ropes half naked. Yum!

0.32.49 Something is wrong. Somethings going to happen.

0.33.30 Oh! They've come for the nanomites! Sienna Miller and Storm Shadow with their team of nanomite soldiers.

0.34.10 And Arnold Vosloo.

0.34.31 Inventive way of killing someone! All the way through one of those electronic thingies that the postservice use for signatures.

0.35.20 Alarma! Lot's of carnage! I love it!

0.36.06 OK, bad CGI for sure, but it's still kool!

0.36.40 Channing is faced with Sienna Miller and Storm Shadow is in the background. He can't shoot her.

0.37.24 Things explode and then flashback to Storm Shadown and black plastic Joe that doesn't speak when they were kids.

0.38.42 Sienna Miller and kool redhead Joe girl fights. I love it!

0.39.49 Bad CGI but it's all good!

0.40.08 The bad guys have the nanomite warheads.

0.40.32 More half naked Channing Tatum. Me likey!

0.41.21 Marlon Wayans makes a reference to something that was said earlier and turns into a bad joke. It's a little funny for all the wrong reasons.

0.42.09 New flashback to Storm Shadow and black plastic silent Joes past. They fight. Storm Shadow doesn't like black plastic silent Joe. Even back then.

0.43.21 Storm Shadows sensei is nice to black plastic silent Joe.

0.44.06 Christopher Eccleston tells his plans to Sienna Miller and Storm Shadow. They are going to Paris to arm a warhead.

0.44.42 Arnold Vosloo! YAY! Ewww nasty needles in head. Yikes! They are turning him into Jonathan Pryce I think.

0.45.45 The Joes find out the plan of Christopher Eccleston, or at least what we can only imagine is the first part of the plan.

0.46.37 Flashback from Channing Tatum to the time where Sienna Millers brother died in the war. He was investigating something in a lab but the airstrike is early and BOOOOOOOM!

0.48.55 Channing Tatum watches the funeral of Sienna Millers brother from afar. Astride his motorcycle looking really hot. BAM! Back to reality!

0.49.49 Sienna Miller makes a joke. It's a little funny, and her and Storm Shadow makes her husband weaponise the warheads.

0.50.49 The Joes are in Paris and looking for the bad guys.

0.51.34 Massive CGI effects on weaponising warheads. They are all weaponised.

0.52.06 Storm Shadow kills Sienna Millers husband and they leave the laboratory.

0.52.40 Massive car chase. We love it! Men in Robocopesque suits running around and jokes.

0.53.45 Bad CGI alert - lot's of it. You can just see it's all done on green screen.

0.55.03 The Joes finally figure out the bad guys are going to detonate a warhead on the Eiffel Tower. I mean D'OH! But I still think it's enjoyable.

0.56.45 I love Paris. I want to go there again someday

0.56.59 "Try this on for size boys". The way Sienna Miller says that, is pretty damn perfect. It's so camp, I love it!

0.57.45 Hah, funny! Marlon Wayans is comic relief.

0.58.32 OOOOOH! Train collision! Me likey. 'Tis fun!

0.59.37 Oh, oh! Bad guys on foot.

1.00.25 "Nice shoes" yeah, Sienna Miller both kicks arse and notices the shoes of the extras.

1.01.54 The Eiffel Tower is hit! The Joes did not do their job alright. The CGI is really over the top.

1.03.18 Channing Tatum saves Paris by hitting the kill switch. Eiffel Tower collapses

1.05.22 The Joes are arrested by Parisian police.

1.06.05 Jonathan Pryce has a great voice

1.07.16 Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller bicker and Storm Shadow has flashback to when he killed his sensei.

1.08.25 Oh, black silent plastic Joe is called Snake Eyes.

1.08.58 Bad CGI

1.10.05 The Joes have figured out where McCullen's base. Bad joke by Frenchie

1.10.39 Channing Tatum is being taken to the base and he steals the case with the warheads and he activates a tracking beacon. Channing Smarty pants.

1.11.40 The bad guys don't notice.

1.12.03 The base is underneath the polar icecap very CGI'ey

1.12.36 Oh oh, Ecclescake! He kisses Sienna Miller who has flashbacks

1.14.02 Dennis Quaid asks the Joes to defy direct orders and go take down McCullen, and they all agree.

1.15.15 Meet the Doctor. Heh, well you may as well know, he's the Cobra. There, I spoiled it for you.

1.15.58 I love polar bears. I hope it wasn't hurt by the massive CGI thingy that just flew in

1.17.03 Doctor is about to inject nanomites into Channing Tatum while he tells him the story of himself. He shows us, that he is Sienna Millers brother.

1.18.05 Flashback to what happened to Sienna Millers brother in the lab in the war. He meets someone who looks like Dennis Miller. I wonder if they are related in real life. Hmmm. It's not Dennis Miller though, I checked. Never heard of the guy.

1.19.40 Christopher Eccleson launches the missiles with the nanomites. What to do?

1.20.10 Marlon Wayans to the rescue! He is to hunt down the missiles in an ultra fancy fighter plane.

1.21.16 Redhead kool girl Joe kisses Marlon Wayans.

1.22.03 Sienna Miller saves Channing Tatum from being injected with nanomites and her brother threatens Channing Tatum with killing her.

1.22.33 Redhead kool girl Joe is called Scarlet. Hmmm, a little late for that kind of info?

1.24.08 Underwater CGI fight. It's not at all engaging but it's OK.

1.25.20 Action baby! Action!

1.27.00 Channing Tatum to Sienna Miller "I'm gonna get you outta here"

1.28.20 Marlon Wayans saves Moscow.

1.28.45 Meet Arnold Vosloo again. He's become Jonathan Pryce. Tee-hee! Very Mission Impossiblesque

1.30.08 Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes (you know, black plastic silent Joe) fight it out.

1.31.39 Channing Tatum is getting away with Sienna Miller. Lots of underwater CGI

1.32.14 Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes battle it out still and an abundance of CGI

1.32.44 Storm Shadow is fit!

1.33.05 Marlon Wayans missed a missile and they are in big trouble.

1.34.28 Rest in peace fit Storm Shadow (at the bottom of the sea)

1.35.04 More CGI and it's a little much.

1.36.09 Marlon Wayans saves the day!

1.37.24 Marlon Wayans was arrested by the White House (these days it's really earning the name with all that snow huh?)

1.37.58 CGI alert! Lot's of it.

1.39.20 It's not even impressive. Well, maybe if I watched it at the cinema?

1.40.16 Sienna Millers brother injects Christoper Eccleston with nanomites and his face is all metal now. Bad line from Eccleson. Not good.

1.41.16 "This is Captain Duke Hauser prepare to be boarded" Now that's something I'd like to hear from Channing Tatum. Mmmmm.

1.41.51 More CGI

1.42.16 Eccleston and Sienna Millers brother are now imprisoned.

1.42.52 Channing Tatum loves Sienna MIller still.

1.43.05 More CGI It's so obvious it's not even funny. Well it is actually.

1.44.04 I hope there'll be a sequel. If they can do the opposite of what happened with the Transformers franchise.

1.44.48 Arnold Vosloo in the body of Jonathan Pryce is now president.

1.45.19 It's all over now. The end credits now. The song boom boom boom song isn't very good.

Now, I really liked it in that campy, action B movie kind of way and I really do hope they'll come back with a sequel.

Thank you for your time.

Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging Twilight

Ok, so at first I never considered watching Twilight. Mostly because it is ridiculously overexposed, and the vampire thing is kind of old. I figured that once the whole franchise up and died, I would eventually see what the commotion was about. It would be years.


Me thinks they might have used a bit of photoshop on this one. Great hair but girl in brown jacket needs to lay off the drugs. Look at those eyes!

Then one fatal evening I was fiddling about on the DVD rental site Lovefilm.dk and ended up putting the movie on my wishlist. As the lowest priority. You see, there are 3 priorities. Gold, silver and bronze and I figured everyone would be renting it and it would be a long while before it would end up in my mailbox. Then came the fatal email,

---

Hej Pete!

Vi har netop afsendt følgende film:

Twilight

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Mange gode filmhilsner

LOVEFiLM

---

OH my! So I suppose I had to watch it now. As I'm a little bemused by the situation, I thought I'd share my reactions first hand with you. Look at it like a service I do, so you don't have to watch this teenage vampire sobfest. Then again, as I haven't watched it yet, I don't know if it's really like that. Here we go...


0.00.30: Deer looks a bit dreary. Why do all vampire things start in the forrest? It's the same with the series The Vampire Diaries (although that's pretty good)


0.00.42: Oh somethings happening. Wild camera work!

0.01.22: Wow white trash alert! Bellas mother looks like white trash

0.02.09: Bellas father is a cop. He looks a bit shifty, I think he may be up to something.

0.02.56: they couldn't get a real police car, so they got a regular car. Put lights on top of it and wrote 'police' and 911 down the sides. Apparently it didn't matter if it looked authentic.

0.03.08: This'll be a long post, sorry! But I have to say, Bella just moved in with her father and now she's whining about there only being one bathroom. This is exciting stuff!

0.04.11: Wow they have native Indians or something. At least they have long hair. One is the guy who becomes a wolf I think! Charming smile.

0.05.45: Bella starts school and people laugh about her orange truck. Oh, and gay Japanese guy just walked in. Hideous hair.

0.07.06: Bella meets boy. Looks like a teenage version of Edward Norton. She hit him in the head with a volleyball and now cheery smiley girl comes over. Wonder if she's his girlfriend or something.


0.07.33: Cheery smiley girl is annoying.

0.08.48: Girls talking about Kirks olympic sized wiener and speedo padding. I might like this movie after all.

0.09.05: Meet the Cullens. The dark haired Cullen boy is cute.

0.09.59: Enter Edward - you know, THE Edward who does at least have great hair.

0.10.38: Wind machine moment, Bellas hair flying everywhere as she sees Edward sitting alone in science (or whatever class they are taking). This is ridiculous.

0.11.09: Yes, she's told to sit next to him. This is such bad acting. I'm laughing my arse off.

0.12.38: Bella meets the local characters and dad isn't talking at all.

0.14.11: Bella is annoyed that Edward Cullen ditched her in Biology (it was biology) class and he had wanted to get out of biology and she is annoyed. Everything is getting strange - whoa!

0.15.35: The first person was killed. We saw it from afar, and Bella fell on her arse. Kind of funny.

0.16.38: The dialogue really stinks.

0.17.15: Gay Japanese guy asks Bella to go to some kind of dance with him

0.17.53: It speaks! Edward Cullen speaks!

0.19.58: I wonder how much hairspray was needed to keep his hair in place like that. He has great hair.

0.20.45: Bella looks dumb

0.22.21: EXCITEMENT OVERLOAD! Car got out of control and Edward saved Bella with supernatural strength and leaves.

0.23.28: Another ghostly white Cullen. A doctor. He looks like something out of a Doctor Who episode.

0.26.13: Bella annoys me. She's so whiney and dull.

0.27.06: Edward is wearing a nice jacket.

0.28.10: How can Edward be out in the sunlight? Is it a good spf 1000 sunblock

0.32.08: Bella: "Your moodswings are giving me whiplash" - are you kidding me?!?

0.35.13: Jacob the native Indian guy with the pearly white teeth tells the dramatic story of his tribe. You know, about the whole wolf thing and the Cullens and all. It's all very mysterious now. Heh.

0.37.22: Vampire attack numero dos and Bella plays Nancy Drew.

0.41.11: Drama! Edward Cullen saves the day. Bella was almost attacked by a mob of guys with beer cans.

0.43.09: This is not a movie for me. I'm taking a break to make myself a sandwich.

0.47.25: After spending time with Edward, Bella is off reading in her new Nancy Drew book about legends of the Indian tribe

0.48.30: Bella finally figures out that Edward and the Cullens are vampires. D'OH!

0.49.36: Bella confronts Edward, and he fesses up. Camera spinning around them. This is hilarious.

0.51.43: Edward shows what he looks like in the sunlight. He shimmers like diamonds and tells her that he is the worlds most dangerous predator. Ooooooooh!

0.53.15: The dialogue is hilarious. We do, however learn that the Cullens only hunt and eat animals. No humans.

0.54.27: There is an hour left of this tripe. Kill me, kill me now!

0.55.30: It looks like they are in love and the camera is spinning around them. This is so funny.

0.57.38: Edward and Bella arrive at school, as a couple.

1.00.43: It's going to be all Meet The Parents soon. Bella is going to meet Edwards parents.

1.02.04: Jacob should really get a haircut.

1.03.02: Nice house! Very modern house Edward lives in.

1.05.15: Rosalie (Edwards sister) is pissed at Bella because she thinks that things will go wrong.

1.09.50: Edward takes Bella on a little ride up the ol'e trees in the woods. It's a little ridiculous and the camera is spinning around them again. They like doing that.

1.01.19: Apparently it's not a problem for Edward to enter a house without being asked to come in. I thought that was a whole vampire thing.

1.15.24: Passionate kissing scene Bella and Edward. Oh oh and Edward gets all whiney again and can't lose control with her. So they just talk. Oh and the camera moves around them.

1.17.45: Bellas father hates Edward, or at least that's what it looks like.

1.19.22: You know, in Harry Potter there are those Quiddich matches in bad weather? Well the Cullens play baseball.

1.20.45: Here comes the killer vampires! Maybe it'll be interesting.

1.21.42: Black dreadlock bad vampire looks fit. His name is Laurent.

1.23.36: Excitement fizzled out fairly quickly. Like the rest of the movie.

1.25.27: Bella is packing and leaving while bad vampire blond longhaired fella James is outside watching.

1.25.45: The beginning of the end of the beginning is starting now.

1.32.12: Bella has a skanky Nokia mobile but now it's supposed to become exciting.

1.34.00: The bad blonde longhaired vampire tricked Bella into a ballet studio and he is so ridiculous. The whole thing is so excrusiatingly bad.

1.35.41: At least there is a fight scene. Even if the dialogue and the story behind it sucks.

1.36.14: Somehow I got Kylies track Fever in my head "I was bitten by the bug and now I'm coming down with oh, something that can't be cured"

1.37.37: Oh, the drama!

1.42.22: Bella and Edward are going to prom together. He looks nice in his suit.

1.43.22: Jacob seriously has hair issues.

1.45.29: The romantic dancing scene. *waits for the camera to spin arou....* Oh there it is!

1.46.25: I wish Bella becomes a psychotic vampire killing machine

1.47.34: It's got to end now. Please!

1.48.34: Finally!! End credits.

So this wasn't my kind of thing. It was fairly ridiculous and unless they take the speed up a notch or fifty and force the actors to take lessons, the sequel promises to be no better.

Thank you for your time.

Lovefilm

I was supposed to do a Lovefilm update during the past week but I couldn't as my parents had taken over my office and I couldn't got to my computer. My laptop is having issues and I had no iPhone at the time so things were looking a little grim. I finally managed to get the stench of guilt and Chanel no 5 out of here and I'm somewhat back, although not with a vengeance. That will have to wait. Still on we go, for another edition of.... Lovefilm.

The first movie I watched the week before last was A Breath of Scandal starring Sophia Loren, Angela Lansbury and John Gavin (very attractive). I'd never heard of it before but I was browsing on imdb.com and came across Sophia Lorens page and thought I'd see if Lovefilm had any of her movies. They had this one.

A sweet movie from 1960 in which Sophia Loren has been banished from Vienna by the Emperor to a castle she inherited after her late husband. She was apparently behaving scandalous in Vienna and had to cool down. She meets a man there, but is called back to Vienna as she is forgiven by the Emperor and she is then to marry a Prince.

It's a lovely movie. Sophia Loren is gorgeous as always and it reminds me of the good old fashion Danish movies. They always involved royalty and sweet stories of love. This was a really good choice and I love old movies.

Next movie was Sparkle starring Stockhart Channing, Bob Hoskins, Anthony (Stewart) Head, Shaun Evans and Amanda Ryan . Now I'd seen a trailer to this one and it looked bloody brilliant. Very funny. With a cast like that, how can you go wrong.

I can't say it was bad. But it wasn't good, and it just felt like it went on forever. Even if it was just 100 minutes long. I guess the trailer had shown every funny scene and there was just too much filler and although the story was good, it wasn't something I hadn't seen before. In fact I would go as far as to say it was quite predictable.

The story is about a son and his mother moving to London. He finds a job as a cater waiter and works his way up to PR where he starts shagging his boss and then breaks it off to go shagging the daughter instead. On the way there were various bits of family stuff. Some of it funny, some sad and some just painful to watch. I stopped caring about an hour into it.

This weekend I watched the OH in OHio. This movie starred Parker Posey, Danny DeVito, Paul Rudd (I love him), Keith David, Mischa Barton, Heather Graham and Liza Minnelli.

I'd seen a trailer for this one too, which was absolutely hilarious. It seemed funny and sweet and Paul Rudd is just lovely. I love him (have I mentioned that?). The movie is about Parker Posey who is married to Paul Rudd and they are having problems in their marriage. Well one problem. She's frigid, and has never in her life had an orgasm. Finally it's too much for Paul Rudd to handle so he moves out and starts having an affair with a student. Parker Posey buys a vibrator and becomes addicted. Still she can't achieve orgasm with another person. Until she meets the "pool guy" or pool salesman Danny DeVito.

Anyway, on paper this should be really really funny. It wasn't bad. In fact it was quite a standard comedy drama, and I did like it. Still it was a bit of a disappointment after watching the trailer. It should have been funnier. Liza was funny as hell though. I just kept waiting for the shit to hit the fan with the affair with the student. Because that's just not right.

I remember watching Talking Movies on BBC World. Tom Brook was reporting live from NY Times Sq. About the movies that were being made and were premiering. He reviewed them and he was speaking very highly about The Human Stain. This was 5 years ago though, and what kept me from watching it was Nicole Kidman. I've never liked her as an actress, I've always felt she was highly overrated.

The movie is about Anthony Hopkins who works as the dean at a college and after using the word Spooks about two studens who were never in class (who happened to be black) he was sacked and shortly after his wife died from the shock. He then meets Gary Sinise who he wants to write the story. During this time of them meeting he hooks up with the much younger Nicole Kidman who comes with baggage. A psycho ex husband played by Ed Harris.

This movie was great. Despite Nicole Kidman. It's not at all a happy happy movie. In fact I'd say I got slighty depressed watching it. Still it was good and the acting was brilliant. Even Nicole Kidman did well, I hate to admit that.

IDV made a huge fuss about not owning Clueless. I did own it, just not on DVD. Then earlier last week I found it in a £3 bin at a supermarket and picked it up. The "Whatever!" Edition no less. We all know it, it's a popculture classic. Exceptionally funny and sweet. Paul Rudd is in it. I love him. Did I mention that?

I adore this movie. Still after 13 years (yikes it makes me feel old) it's still fabulous and although the fashion is a bit dodgy now (Cher wears a yellow plaid outfit for gods sake) it's still very much fabulous. You knew that from the very beginning with the cover version of Kim Wildes Kids In America. Even the thanks to those Egg McMuffins from McDonalds without which Travis would never have been tardy was still funny. In fact I remembered most of the movie word by word.

Finally I watched Some Like It Hot from 1959 starring the fabulous Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon. Now there is a classic if there was ever one.

There isn't much to say about this except bloody brilliant!