My secret garden

We were told to stay home, stay safe. Social distancing is key to the ordeal the world and our great countries are going through at the moment. If we didn't do this things would look dire.

I remember the day I was told to leave my workplace to begin working from home. It was March 12. It was grey, stormy and as I'd packed all my workplace stuff together into bags and stepped out of the front door to catch the bus, the hail started. The hail and rain and wind was full on and I almost couldn't see the bus as I drove up to the stop. That's my memory of the day.

Then quickly the sun came out, the wind stopped and the temperatures soared. Spring was springing. There I was, inside working. Looking out onto the horrendous trailer/construction village/place the municipality has decided to place right opposite me. Large building machinery vehicles driving past. Building shaking. My records skipping. The blue portable loos are a real treat. Joy. I digress.

I've been working on looking at the positive things during all of this. So spring was springing. I think that's where I lost track. The Danes, uncouth, the unwashed have struggled understanding not only the simple instructions but also the ramifications of not practicing social distancing and staying home. So naturally those blessed with a garden have been spending their time home clearing out the old stuff and have been running to the nearest garden center to buy new flowers, trees and whatnots to add to their lovely garden so they could sit there with their feet up enjoying a glass of wine and posting the image on Instagram. Because if you don't post it on Instagram it didn't happen, don't you know.

The problem was capturing that perfect image of the beautifully manicured lawn with the spring flowers in the background with the sun reflecting in the wine glass in the duckface selfie without wrinkles because the face has been so heavily edited that it might as well be Barbie herself. Especially when there was a pile of old wood, branches and garden whatnot in the corner that's been in the garden for 8 months already. What's a local wannabe Instagram celebrity with 30 followers to do. Obviously they just drive out to the nearest reststop and dump it there because the recycling centres were closed. Yes, that's right. It became such a problem that the municipalities had to reopen the recycling centres.

I'm one of those who buy my flowers already dead. They die rather quickly in my care anyway so why get ones hopes up. This spring it's been all about the daffodils and white tulips.

The tulips started off much taller but someone was a little bit rough while tending my garden but there, that's my garden.

Being on ones own and happily single at some point one would like to have ones garden tended to. That's life. We all have our crosses to bear, I suppose.

The health authorities in Denmark have lifted the veil a little bit here saying that it's ok with a little bit of birds and the bees and tending of the garden. Just be safe.

A riveting story of tech

I grew up with computers.

Suffice to say it all started with a very state of the art Commodore Plus4 or +4 or however it was branded. It was my brother who introduced computers into the family. I used it for games and my brother was the programmer type. Obviously I was perhaps 10 or younger at the time. Then came the Commodore Amiga 2000 and then the PCs took over. I was even an intern at an IT company for 2 years and if you needed your harddrive changed, your Windows setup changed or the graphics card, sound card etc. changed I was a good bet. 

I honestly don't know what happened. I got a job in finance and more or less without thinking about it I stopped being interested in it. I guess my job was more interesting because one day I found myself owning a MacBook and what a slippery slope that was.

If you ask my friends who didn't know me as a child or during my intern days, they'd be very surprised that I wasn't a technophobe. Sure, I have a relatively new iMac and I have an iPhone X so I do like new gadgets but when it comes to knowing how to work it they'd say I'm all thumbs.

Ok, thinking back I do know when I seriously stopped caring about how to work all things tech. It was when I bought my first (still works and is my only) flatscreen TV. It was like you needed an engineering degree and a doctorate in flatscreen TV'ing. It's a thing, I'm sure. You can study anything these days. In the end I asked a coworker at the time for the specs he'd get and walked into the Sony Center with a great big SUCKER sign on my forehead and handed the salesman the list. I said "I need that, and it needs to be pretty". I got what I asked for and it's still a lovely TV. Anyway I digress.

Since then it was all downhill. I ask for help from friends followed by this

Marilyn Monroe Not Very Bright GIF from Marilynmonroe GIFs

Then with my job I obviously knew very little about anything that went on there so I had to be able to contribute to something. I reluctantly mentioned my techie past and as coworkers now expect me to know the answers to all things Word, Excel, Windows 10, MS Teams I'm finding that I'm learning by doing. To quote the very fishlike looking fashole CELINE!: It's all coming back to me now.

That was Celine, right? Not Meatloaf? I can never remember. Is Meatloaf still around? I don't know, but I digress.

So I mentioned that I own an iMac. I also own an old Apple Cinema LED extra screen I got for my old MacBook. So you can imagine as I work from home these days my home office desk is crowded as I also have my work HP laptop and as HDMI doesn't play well with an 8 year old Apple Cinema screen I had an old HP monitor packed in there for good measure. I was so frustrated that I had that Apple Cinema that I also couldn't hook up with my iMac because the cords were all funny looking compared to the holes in the back of my iMac.

There you go, the techsavy 'Petra was very techie as he googled and googled and ended up asking the great unwashed of Twitter for help. I was feeling a little down by that point. It's a techie Covid-19 world and I'm just living in it. Someone was nice enough to even send a link to a £12 cable which looked like it was wrong. They insisted and alluded that they were "in the know". So obviously as a desperate tech has-been I clicked on that buy button and the next day the cable arrived. Excellent service I may add.

It was the wrong cable.

I told him, well I didn't. Instead I looked at the description on the torn package and went to the website again (because wow, excellent service) and found a cable thing that was the opposite of what I'd received. I bought it and the next day the cable was in my mailbox. AMAZING SERVICE!

It was the right cable!

The cable was plugged into the back of the iMac and connected to the Apple Cinema and WHOOOPPP! it worked. I'm using it now.

Naturally I went on to think of a cable that would plug the Apple Cinema into my work HP laptop. It's not possible. Apparently. At least not without some outdated gizmo gadget that is allegedly lousy. That's not something 'Petra likes to hear. My desk is crowded, the HP monitor is slow on the update and the graphics pretty bad.

Then last night I was in bed being hot and bothered about this very issue. I don't have the Covid-19 symptoms. Not yet anyway. Until at around 1 am I had to get up and look at the cable to see if it could be plugged into the laptop. It could. It works. So now my desk is a little less crowded.

Obviously on a high at 1am I couldn't sleep so I was a little tired this morning and during the meeting where me and my techsavy self was shining like a pure white diamond I couldn't remember if it was Monday or Tuesday.

Oh, how we laughed. 

That's office humour for you. Hah! As I hung up after the meeting I still wasn't sure if it was Monday or Tuesday or Pancake day.

Perhaps I should have made myself an espresso martini and taken to the sofa. Instead it was laundry and a Nespresso café latté.

So there you go, how have you been? 

There's a glitch in the matrix

You know the feeling of blissfully positioned on your sofa wrapped in duvets, eating cake and drinking your fourth latte of the day at 11am thinking you should probably get dressed and go tidy up your kitchen and the next second you're watching something rather on Netflix and having completely forgotten what you were going to do?

I do. It's like someone upstairs is playing The Humans (read The Sims) and keeps cancelling my actions. I did that when I played The Sims and they started doing things on their own. I was a complete control freak. Anyway I digress.

I've always been aware that whenever I step out of the door I would be guided or if you're in the know, nudged to do what corporations, the government - don't worry, this isn't a weirdo conspiracy theory post - and authorities want us to do or act. Take for example the supermarket where groceries are strategically placed and you're gently if not so subtly nudged or shoved through the store so you put as many of the things you didn't need and the supermarket makes the most money selling into your basket.

The airport is another excellent example of how we are gently nudged by strategically placed signs and props. They aren't necessarily placed where it would make the most sense but that's because humans are a funny species. Free will is both disrupting and annoying. Just remember the last time you went to the airport to go somewhere and you encountered one of those who just walks around and queues like they are in their own little world - which certainly isn't on this earth - and waits until the last possible moment to remove their iPads and laptops, their hand luggage, didn't prepare their bags of liquids, remove belts and shoes and can't seem to find one of their kids.

The ones that most certainly took the red pill when offered. I digress. Again.

I'm blissfully aware and accept the nudging. It works fine for me. Mr. Anderson isn't chasing me yet and even if he did, I do like a man in a well-tailored suit. Tom Ford has done miracles for Daniel Craig in Spectre and Skyfall. Do check him, erm. IT out.

I also kind of accept - albeit it being a little bit spooky - being chased around the great Internet by ads of the fabulous shoes I've been checking out a few times. The price may not change but my level of willpower may and thanks to this slightly aggressive advertising has made sure I've got a couple of fabulous pairs of shoes in my collection. Still, I pretended to have swallowed the blue pill for breakfast. What is it they say, ignorance is bliss?

Then it started. The there was a flicker in the corner of my eye. It's happened before. There was that time when the Disney movie Frozen came out. It was everywhere. I didn't watch it. It was mentioned on the news. It went on streaming services. Friends talked about it. Friends with kids talked about it. Everyone raved about it. I avoided it like the plague. I kind of wanted to see what the fuss was about when the sequel came out and people were still going on about it. I did not watch it. Luckily it went away.

Same happened with that Breaking Bad show which even got a spin-off show, something Saul. Netflix, the news, entertainment industry, friends and family have been trying to force this thing down my throat for way too long. They've been working on me harder than 49 year old man alone in the bar with the last woman standing at 4am for last call.

I did give in with that awful political show where they wouldn't stop talking. I can't for the life of me remember what it's called but it had Kevin Spacey in it until he was fired because he's been a very bad man. A bad man that some people think should go to jail for his alleged actions. There, you can't sue me for that. I hope. Anyway, terribly dull show. I slept like a baby through the first 3 episodes. That was 34 hours of blissful sleep. Felt like it anyway. I digress again. I should stay on point.

I found myself in a room today seeing the entire matrix disappear for a few seconds. I realised that I am being controlled. My viewing habits are not my own.  They are whatever Netflix wants me to watch and clearly they want me to watch Tiger King.

Newsflash - if you're reading this Netflix - I DON'T WANT TO WATCH TIGER KING!

So, yes send in Mr. Anderson and his suity crew. Netflix has been flogging this dead horse (Tiger) at me since it was released. Number one suggestion, featured item, recommended for you and as it is with these pandemics - everyone's an expert on those these days - they spread. Outside of Netflix my friends are talking about Tiger King. On Facebook, Twitter, Instagram (I know, that's lame) and it's being brought up in conversation. The entertainment industry is writing about who will be cast in the movie because apparently there will be a feature film about it too.

Tiger King is trash. It's tacky. It's stupidity incarnate. I don't need to watch any of it to know this. I don't want to watch it.

I've consciously made the decision not to watch it. Instead I spent a good hour today breaking the matrix. I scrolled through the drivel and heavily advertised stuff only to find a movie starring Glenn Close called What Happened to Monday. It was worth it.

Break the chain, take the red pill. Be that annoying person at the airport once we're let out again and do what is right. Say no to Tiger King.

Watch What Happened to Monday.

Oh, so it did turn out to be a weirdo conspiracy post after all.

Anyway, watch What Happened to Monda

The list

Life has been really weird.

There, I've said it. It's been years. Some good and some less good but that's life. Since I last really actually posted anything - which incidentally was about quite the fun little nugget about urinal cakes if you ask me - things have happened. Life has happened.

On top of the old getting that split second fleeting thought while on the sofa watching something rather (entertaining) on Netflix - WHICH IS NOW A STREAMING SERVICE AND NOT DVDS BEING SENT VIA MAIL - OH MY GOD! MIND.BLOWN. - that perhaps I should

a) blog about that or something
b) tidy and clean my apartment
c) look for a new job
d) learn how to do actual cooking

As you can tell the list is long, arduous and before I knew it something shiny on Facebook or Twitter had caught my interest and the list remained.

Then last year I got the idea to actually do something on that list. So yes, I've now done one of the things and sort of working on another if watching Masterchef on Viaplay counts as learning how to cook. At least I've actually seen someone poach an egg and in my mind I'm a master of that.

The other thing was surprisingly looking for a new job. That came about as I got so angry, bitter and miserable that I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I've always been a little angry and very bitter but in the sarcastic way. The passive aggressive way - the healthy way. I saw myself turning into my father, no sarcasm and all angry and bitter. So I asked my boss if we could find a way that I could leave my job in a financially - for me - sound way and we agreed and then I went on my merry way to find out what I wanted to do with my life.

Turns out you can do "anything". You know, the list is a lot longer than when I set out to find a job when I got out of school. I followed every road, path and even ventured into the wild forests of mindfulness retreats and while I didn't actually book anything there, I got so terrified of what I saw that I ended up applying for - and getting - a job that is kind of, almost, perhaps close to what I did at my previous job. Well, except I'm happy now. So there's that. Yay me!

In these Covid-19 (Corona) times of 2020 I'm like many others working from home. We aren't supposed to co-mingle with people outside the household or leave the house much. So that becomes a little tedious and I get a little crazier that usual which is understandable I suppose when there's just me here. The delivery guys are mostly cute though so there's that but I digress.

I've setup my homeoffice which is a work laptop, an old HP monitor I had in the basement and my work mobile which is a Samsung Galaxy A8. It's so strange and difficult to work when I am used to my iMac and trusty old iPhone X. Now there's only so much to do.

Work from home and do what the authorities tell you. Stay home. Stay safe.


  

The Academy Awards

The show was dull, obnoxious, tedious and unfunny. Chris Rock made me wish for James Franco to turn up. This was the worst show since the last time Billy Crystal hosted.

That said Alicia Vikander is everything!



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A urinal cake story

I have a urinal story to share. You see, here, today, a mere hour ago or so, I was in the shower washing my hair. The shampoo was this new thing I'd seen called Aussie. I'd had much fun reading the label and then opened the bottle.


As I lathered up my hair a vaguely smell met my nose. It was that of a childhood ice cream but as I began to rinse out my dark brown locks of hair, another familiar smell tickled my nose. The distinct smell of urinal cakes.

This leads me to an honest to god true story from the real life. I was a wee young boy at the time so I had to just now call my mother to confirm a few facts so that I can bring you a factual story that holds in case someone, somewhere should decide to do a bit of poking and prodding. Not that you like that sort of thing, right?

Anyway I digress. Let's get to it. It was my grandparents (on my fathers side, this is important to mention. They're a simpler people) 50th wedding anniversary. I may have been 10 years old at the time and I'm *ahem* 29 as I write this. The venue was an all too brown, all too dark room with dark brown heavy curtains. Everyone in the family was invited and we'd been treated to a clear beef soup and the main was a dry something beef type meat served wit baby carrots, peas, and those tiny onions you put in a gin martini and some sort of thick brown sauce. While the grown ups either had wine or lemonade (my grandparents on my fathers side were ancient even by this point and wouldn't have survived even smelling a light beer but still managed to hold on for dear life for another 5 years) the kids were allowed all the soda we could keep down. This was to be tested by all of us kids and I had to go to the loo more than once even before the traditional ice cream cake that was served for pudding.

The loo, it was different. It had a very harsh and distinct smell (I learned later that this was the urinal cakes. HERE WE GO!!) and my father patiently explained about the funny looking metal gutters with the odd ice (URINAL CAKES) and beer bottle caps. Well, ok. He only said "we urinate in it so don't touch it". Fair enough. I peed, washed my hands as my mother (she brings the classy side of the family) has taught me and returned to my half empty bottle of Coca Cola. As coffee was served and I was coming down from an epic sugar high, a little boy (I had NO clue who he was) - he was about 4 years old - came walking out of the loo. The boy was apparently my cousins son (on my fathers side) and still not even my parents can remember which one. She has 5.

So, the boy was walking out of the loo and smiling. Broad blue smile. His mother spotted it first. The little happy chappie was blue all over his face and hands holding and munching on blue balls (insert inappropriate comments here). It transpires that no one had told the boy that the gutter in the loo wasn't a tray of blue, icey delights. He was smiling and giggling at his newfound treats until his mother came rushing over, pushing the blue urinal cakes out of his hands, staining the fairly off white bordering tan shagcarpet blue. They then proceeded to the nearest pay phone (this was pre portable phone days) and called 999.

Don't worry guys, the proprietor managed to remove the blue stains and most of the smell from the shag and the little boy didn't mess up his elastic bow tie. Oh, ok. They boy was fine and made it back in time for Kransekage and he managed so much soda that I swear he could have flown the entire family home. But this was the day when the first baby steps were made to understand the advise

DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW

So that was my little urinal cake story and time goes on I may update again but don't hold your breath. You might get blue in the face.

She wore lemoooon

Somehow I can't get this song out of my head and now I have the yellow vinyl copy of this U2 single off Zooropa.

Oh boy..

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I can't decide

Let's all sing along

The show is here as I can't seem to embed it on my phone app

It's not easy having yourself a good time
Greasing up those bets and betters
Watching out they don't four-letter
Fuck and kiss you both at the same time
Smells-like something I've forgotten
Curled up died and now it's rotten

I'm not a gangster tonight
Don't want to be a bad guy
I'm just a loner baby
And now you're gotten in my way

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

It's a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
If lies were cats you'd be a litter
Pleasing everyone isn't like you
Dancing jigs until I'm crippled
Slug ten drinks I won't get pickled

I've got to hand it to you
You've played by all the same rules
It takes the truth to fool me
And now you've made me angry

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

Oh I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I wont deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone
Oh I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I'm sleeping
That's why

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride


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Happy hump day

By popular demand.




Or for the more artsy crowd




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Once Upon A Time

I grew up trying to get through the back of the wardrobe to Narnia. It was only a question of when I'd get through and become the princess of Narnia, marry a hunky prince, acquire plenty of magic and live happily ever after. Without children. Children are the plague, you see. The magic might not be all rainbows and unicorn hairs - unless they were taken by force. We all know, that if taken by force the magic is much stronger. I digress.

Only when I finally got the back of the wardrobe open, I was too old and there was nothing there. Imagine the tears and evil curses. Alas neither my tears nor my evil curses were powerful enough to get through and I had to live the quiet suburban house, being the suburban teenager doing his homework and behaving. For you, my lovely minions imagine the most magical, powerful and evil princess in all the realms being stripped of all her magic and forced to live in a town where there was no magic and knowing full well, who she is while her evil nemesis' and other pests walk around blissfully unaware of what's really going on. That's me.

Which "Once Upon A Time" Character Are You?

1. You got: Prince Charming
   ABC / Via perezhilton.com

   You’re a classic hero. You believe in protecting your loved ones at all costs, you’re good with a sword, and your word is your bond. You welcome a good fight, but you also know how to lay down your weapon and listen. You’re trustworthy, tenacious, brave, and you hold strong to your beliefs. You believe in fighting for the greater good, but you also enjoy the quiet solitude and fulfillment of a domestic life.

2. You got: Snow White
   ABC / Via rebloggy.com

   You’re a mix of classic and modern. You value tradition, but you know that to survive in this world, you have to break the rules sometimes. You’re honest to a fault, and overall you’re a forgiving and flexible person, but when it comes to protecting your loved ones, you’re a lion. You’d never needlessly seek out a fight, but you’re not one to back down when it comes to making sure justice is served. You always see the good in people, but you’re not so blindly optimistic that you let people take advantage of you.

3. You got: Emma
   ABC / Via gifhunterress.tumblr.com

   You’re a reluctant hero and a realist through and through. You don’t consider yourself “leader material,” but you often find yourself being forced into positions of power. Whether you believe it or not, you are an excellent leader because you’re decisive and brave, and people are naturally drawn to you. You believe in pragmatism over magic, and you always look before you leap. You protect yourself and the people you love at all costs, which makes you a fearsome enemy. But behind that clever exterior, you’re a sensitive and warm ally.

4. You got: Rumplestiltskin
   ABC / Via ask-thecrocodile.tumblr.com

   You’re an interesting mixture of optimism and realism. You’re an excellent judge of character, but you’re much quicker to see the bad in people than the good — probably because you know more about human nature than most. You believe in getting the upper hand at all costs, partly because you value power, but also because you know what can happen when power falls into the wrong hands. Behind all your careful strategy, you do believe that people are capable of real good, and true love. In your heart of hearts you value family above all, but you know that to truly protect them, you have to stay ahead of your enemies.

5. You got: Henry
   ABC / Via ouat-directory.tumblr.com

   You’re the truest of believers. You believe that good always wins, and that doing the right thing is more important than doing what’s easy. You hold others to the same standards to which you hold yourself, and have a difficult time understanding why people do harm to each other. You’re selfless, but you know how to take charge of a situation, and you make your opinions known.

6. You got: Belle
   ABC / Via giphy.com

   You’re as smart as you are heroic — and you’re very, very smart. You always use your wits and bravery for good, and you see the best in people, no matter what. Mostly, you prefer the company of books to people, but you also have an adventurous streak and a tenacity that balances your natural introversion. You believe in love, but you also believe in equality, and you refuse to settle for an ordinary life. You trust your instincts and you will usually let your heart guide you, even when it leads you down the more difficult path.

7. You got: Neal
   ABC / Via rebloggy.com

   You’re a survivor. You believe in realism, even when there are magic spells being cast right before your eyes. You know that the world — well, all the worlds — are full of danger and deception, and there’s no quick fix for anyone’s problems. But that hasn’t made you bitter, it’s made you smarter. You’re an independent self-starter who doesn’t ask for favors, and never takes the easy way out. It takes a lot to get through your defenses, but lucky are the few that do. You’ll do absolutely anything to protect and care for the people you love, even when the cost is your own happiness.

8. You got: Regina
   ABC / Via new.spring.me

   You’re a no-nonsense go-getter. You believe in action over words, and you never make the same mistake twice. You’re tenacious and fiery, and you thrive in past-paced, high-stakes environments. In many ways you’re a natural-born leader, but you don’t have the time or patience for diplomacy — it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Behind all that fire and passion, you can be an excellent listener, and the few people you let into your heart stay there forever. You don’t easily forgive, but you also never abandon the people you love

 The last sappy bits, that's just to make me sound nicer than I really am but you knew that, didn't you?

 

Living in in this realm is difficult and while we don't really want the commoners to know about us sometimes it happens. A touch of squid ink, a magic bean or a heart does cause a bit of commotion. Of course all this is easily explained as is the fact that fairy tales are nothing but a Disney creation. I do shudder to think what people would think if they found out that this my favourite new thing  is really real. It's uncanny.

 

 

I was gonna cancel

 

 

Today I recieved about a million 300+ blog comment reminders because someone decided to SPAM my comment box with all sorts of nonsense. What's a guy to do? For a minute I tried looking for the disable button for the comment reminder thingy but had no luck. Then I found another way around it. You have to login in order to leave a thoughtful comment in my box. So there, take that SPAMMERS! DIE DIE DIE! Consider yourselves outsmarted by the Pete. yep!

 

After cursing about this excessive email situation I thought long and hard tee-hee about it all and also noticed that I haven't been updating since 2012 on here. Disgraceful perhaps but I kept telling myself that I had so much to do. My life an endless string of cocktail parties, shopping, a spot of work to pay for my ever growing shoe collection and whatnot. Or, being the perfect homemaker Pete Van De Kamp making her own jam from scratch and such. Turns out life hasn't been as fabulous as all that. As it turned out my new and endless love affair was with Twitter. So, there.

 

I could just delete this old thing and move on or I could get out of bed and see what's on the other side and just go, go, go, go, giiiiiiiirl!

 

Going on, giving all this old fangled blogging thing another go, what would that entail you may ask, and so do I.

 

If I were to talk about what's going on at Chez Pete, it would be something like this (yes, I like bullet points, so deal)

 

• I finally found affordable pink Champagne that I like
• I finally found a Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin that doesn't taste like paint stripper
• My new shoes
• The products I buy and never quite get around to using
•  My odes to Netflix.com
• What I like and don't like watching on Netflix and why
• My new favourite things
• Likes
• Dislikes
• Favourite colour
• Why on earth I'd buy Perrier
• My vacation plans
• Eurovision
• The Oscars
• Clothes
• Fashion
• Shoes
• Why I want to be the kind of person who cooks, makes jam and cleans and love it
• My venture into learning French through the joys of audio CDs
• Why I love vinyl records
• Why I hate the colour orange
• Why I hate the colour yellow
• The number 29
• George
• Socks
• and maybe even more..

Are you up for another go?



Still standing

Last week I made the very drastic decision to cancel my cable TV. Now, I can't live without TV but these days with Netflix, HBO and other online services I don't see the point in paying £55 per month for watching live TV which is basically just five minute commercial breaks very 10 minutes and a sprinkling of the odd old movie here and old TV show there. I really don't.

So, I started by pledging my allegiance to Netflix which just launched last month, and that's how this all started. Then today I called to cancel my cable TV and it should be mentioned here, that the same company supplies me with Internet and has supplied me with cable TV and Internet for over 10 years. I digress. What happened then, was me explaining for five minutes how I felt my needs had outgrown their cable TV and how there was nothing they could do to make me stay. Not an uplifting conversation for the desperate call centre monkey on the other end of the line, but that's what he's there for. For showering me with freebies and telling me how valuable I am to them. Why he didn't do that or tell me how he would wish I would reconsider, I don't know, because I've been a loyal cash cow for them for over 10 years now.

Anyway, the call centre monkey (who I assume is either baboon or howler monkey) was very clinical about it all, and then told me in no certain terms that they'd be cancelling everything. Including my Internet. I protested, the monkey ignored. He then continued on about what was going to happen and mentioned again about the Internet being cancelled. I protested, said that I'd like to keep that. The monkey told me I couldn't and that if I didn't have the cable TV then I couldn't get the Internet and I'd have to find that somewhere else. So we spent the best part of 10 minutes with me asking in east and the monkey answering in west and then I decided to go with it. I asked what I should do about that then, and repeated it three more times.

He ignored me and the phone call ended unresolved as to what I am going to do about my Internet because by December 30 I will no longer have any cable TV or Internet. What irks me more than feeling like I was kicked out of a saloon with peanut shells on the floor by a bull dyke in a pair of ill fitted and hideously ornate country western boots was that at no point did he say that I could contact their sister/daughter/mother company TDC because they supply broadband/cable Internet as well. I felt like I'd just been rejected by the leper guy with two extra fingers and the monobrow over in the corner. I decided to check things out and how now ordered Internet so that I should be with Internet before I'm kicked out on the street like a common street ho.

On the plus side, I now get to write an angry letter and in very unrelated news I've got the results back on my exams. I am now officially a legal secretary and I passed with the second highest mark. Yay for me.

Alone I'm not

Things at work have been hectic for a while and on top of added work pressure we also said goodbye to our team leader who transfered to another team. This left a vacancy in our team that a few of my colleagues fought to get but alas for them they brought in someone new. An outsider. She's about 4 years younger than me, married, has a child, travelled around the world and has literally sailed the 7 seas in one of those big wooden ships with the huge sails that need to be hoisted or whatever you call it and finally she's also just passed her bar examination is a full fledged lawyer. She's 30 years old and completely lovely. If she didn't wear gorgeous footwear I'd totally hate her.

Anyway, with new people comes introductions. All of us (we are 6 people her included) sat around this massive boardroom table and had that "get to know each other" thing. The kind where you don't know what and how much to say. It's not like they can remember anyway. This was about a month before she joined. Well, we sat there and people were talking about children, pests pets, spouses, age, where they lived, hobbies etc. Then it came to me, and this is not word by word because remember, this was a little over a month ago.

I'm Pete, I'm 29 years old, live in the city centre, I have a brother and a niece and nephew, spendt a year and a half at our Copenhagen branch and I work with collection from our debtors to whom we've financed and leased cars and boats. When I'm not doing that, I'm tweeting, facebooking, watching trashy tv, reading naughty books and being a filthy, raging hormonal gay reading books, travelling, interested in film history, studying to become a legal secretary and hanging out with friends.

This was pretty a pretty decent spin if you ask me. Even with the obvious stutter at times because I'm not good with meeting new people for the first time and having all eyes on me. Ask me something completely work related and I'll be waving my arms and talking for hours but that's not about me then. Our new team leader then started a month later. Then there was some discussion about what I was doing on a Friday night and I was asked "are you single?". Yes, I'm single, living by myself, call it what you will really. Frankly I didn't think I'd care whatever people called it. That is until another colleague said I was alone. Just alone. Not living alone, no, no, alone. Just alone. She might as well have said I was lonely.

This actually annoyed me a bit because I'm not 'alone' or 'lonely'. I have friends, people around me, I just don't happen to live with anyone. If that's a choice I've made or past/future boyfriends who decided it, that is irrelevant. I like being by myself, living by myself or whatever you call it. Living by myself has many advantages in my opinion and I don't think I could share. As a child I wasn't good at sharing my toys with the other children either. Anyway, I told myself 'smile through it dear, smile through it' and I did. Of course she didn't mean anything by it, but she's been married for so long that if she was living by herself she'd probably feel lonely and alone. Bless her.

Another term I don't like is 'Singleton'. I don't live in Singleton so no, I'm not a Singleton.

New Beginnings (maybe)

Last year during the summer I decided that I needed to educate myself and given the nature of my work, I settled on legal secretary. My boss approved it and work paid. So for the past year and a few months I've been studying, tweeting, Facebooking and studying some more, culminating in the written exams I took part in on Thursday (to which I won't know the result until the beginning of December). I guess my decision to improve my skills came partly from a round of sacking (not the good kind) at my workplace and partly because I felt that it was time for something new. The fact that I could do this course whenever I wanted to and not having to show up for classes was just a massive bonus. Now if only I could stop overanalysing the things from my exams and move on.

This is just some of my draft scribbles of nonsense that I came up with during my studies

So work and studying, what else is new at Chez Pete? Well, not too much which my Twitter followers can attest to, but I did redecorate somewhat.

As you can tell, I like black, white and red. I really do, but I also like this hyper jade green

 

 

Well enough about me, did you missed me?

Happy New Year

I realise it's been forever since I last posted anything on here and chances are there won't be an update again for some time. However I just wanted to wish you all a happy new year and thank those of you who have been trying to keep in touch with me. Be that via Facebook, Twitter, postcards/holiday cards, email or the like. Thank you. Thank you for all your love and support and I'll try to get back to you individually. Until then, let's have a glass of Cristal. Cheers!




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging All About Steve

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events .

Todays feature is the delightful little nugget All About Steve. Now, I love Sandra Bullock and find Bradley Cooper to be devastatingly handsome, so let's see what the movie's like.



Well, I have my ideas as I heard the movie earned a razzie or two the same year Sandra Bullock won her Oscar for The Blind Side.

So bring out the popcorn and the Champagne, coke floats, soda or whatevs and let's get going shall we.

Radar Pictures? Never heard of them.

Ugh! Thomas Haden Church? I hate him. Hated him since that dreadful movie Sideways where they go on a wine tasting trip for a batchelor party or something and hook up with that Asian woman from Greys Anatomy. I really wanted to like that one, but I SO DIDN'T!

Sandra B walking happily through the streets in her red vinyl boots. Not sure I like her hair.

Sandra B is meeting with her boss. She makes crossword puzzles and she wants to get her stuff in the paper daily instead of weekly.

Evil boss is not having it. BOO! Her boss wants Sandra B to date more.

Sandra B has a blind date this evening. Exciting.

She's about to speak at carrer day at a school. Comedy may ensue. The firefighter next to her is cute.

I'm a sucker for a man in a uniform.

The kids are mean to Sandra B. BOO! I think she's going to reevaluate her life.

Sandra B does physical comedy well and they add that little noise that makes it sound ever the more painful.

She lives with her parents. She's cute.

She's going on a date with Bradley Cooper! How hot is he! Go change Sandra, change!

Sandra B just went to slut it up. Slutty Sandra B!

Wow! What a smile he has.

Oh, oh! Sandra B just jumped Bradley Cooper in a car but now she's very chatty. Shut up Sandra B and enjoy.

Awwww. He's ditching her. So sad.

The crossword puzzle Sandra B made was All About Steve - like the title. CLEVER! Or not...

So they are firing her over one puzzle. Bubye Sandra B. Sad.

The Asian guy from The Hangover is in it too.

New word: Snotsicles

Bradley C is so cute.

Sandra B just tried sliding down a banister in nothing but a towel. Comedy ensued and the repeating of "doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt.." Priceless!

Even Thomas Haden Church's voice is dull. It's like watching Tom Hanks at the Oscars.

Dead horse - alive!

Sandra B is just filled with useless information about EVERYTHING. She's yapping on and on, on a bus. So much so that they dumped her in the middle of nowhere. Bless her.

It's a little funny though.

Sandra B is stalking Bradley C, but she's too late at the place of the dead alive horse.

Comment of the moment: If God didn't want my daughter to have a third leg, he wouldn't have stuck one between the other two.

If that's not a little filthy, I don't know what is.

Bradley C, THC (Thomas Haden Church) and Asian dude from The Hangover are now in a new place reporting of the controversy of a girl with 3 legs. To keep the third leg, or not to. That is the question.

Oh, Sandra B just showed up! Brandley C just noticed her and her boots! Hah!



There's a demonstration with pro and anti leg protesters. We don't know if the leg is fuctional and has full mobility. We are at the edge of our seat.

Oh, there's the creepy geek from Road Trip! He's wearing a baby blue hat.

THC invited Sandra B up to the media tent to meet Bradley C. He's so mean.

Ew! THC just mentioned Bradley C's loins. I don't want that image.

YAY Bradley C just punched THC in da face! Love it.

BREAKING NEWS! Three's the charm! They decided to keep the leg for now.

Hah! This is physical comedy at a very high level.

Creepy nerdy dude from Road Trip is an apple sculpturer - weird.

Hah! Next up, bear in jacuzzi?

TORNADO!

Panic!

Car stalling!

Excitement!

CGI!

Whooops! Kids just fell into an abandoned mine shaft. Hahaha.

The news team Bradley C, Asian dude from The Hangover and THC are on the way.

Quote: If you quit a puzzle, you can't finish it.

I like that.

Whooooooops! Sandra B just fell in the hole. HAH!

Awwww Bradley C loves Sandra B.. that was a romantic speech

I think one of the fire fighters was a demon on the series Charmed.

They aren't sure Sandra B will make it so creepy nerdy dude from Road Trip is making an apple sculpture for her when she gets out.

I just noticed that the word "word" in Danish (Ord) is the same in singular and plural unlike in English. Why haven't I thought of that before?

THC just jumped into the hole.

They made it out of the hole. Pheeew! Had me on the edge of my seat clutching my glass of Champagne with one hand and my heart with the other.

Bradley C is so hot.

The End.

The trailer is here



If you want to see Sandra B accept the Razzie award for her performance in this slightly ditzy but adorable and amusing movie, see this

Friday I'm in love

Gosh, it's already July. Honestly I can't remember what I did in June except work but I suppose I spent it mostly trying to get back into my usual groove and accepting that I've already beeen on holiday and chances were that I wouldn't be going anywhere until sometime next year.

Turns out, I got myself plane tickets to London from Sept. 28 to Oct. 1st. So let me know if you want to hang out. My birthday is on Sept. 29 so if you feel like having a glass of bubbly (Champagne, coke float or whatevs) please feel free to email me, facepoke or tweet me. My email is in my profile page I think.

So, Friday?



From there I got to the whole Glastonbury thing because people keep saying that the bint Bouyancy Beyonce was the first female to be a main name at Glastonbury. That's actually not true. Technically Kylie was except she was forced to pull out when she was diagnosed with the big C. Anyway, Kylie made her first appearance last year with the Scissor Sisters. Then you know, you click one like and then another and before you know it, you've spent an hour and find yourself here

Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging RED

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events .

Todays feature is RED. I'm watching it in HD on my Yousee box. I love this rental feature where I don't have to go anywhere to rent a movie. All I have to do is push a few buttons and BOOM! Movie right on my TV in HD quality. Best part is, I don't have to take it back as it just disappears again after 24 hrs. None of that Lovefilm DVD thing where you must pop them in the postbox on the way to or from work. Besides, I only get a bill every 3 months.

As I said, todays feature is RED. The action movie combining the unlikely of Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren and action movie. Here we go... 

DC Comics? Is this based on a comic book? Oh no!

Bruce Willis still looks hot.

Also starring: Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Mary-Louise Parker, Julian McMahon, Ernest Borgnine, James Remar and Richard Dreyfuss. They pulled out the big guns eh?

Bruce Willis lives very neat, with dark furniture and dark blue walls. He looks bald.

Apparently Bruce Willis is lonely because he tore up his pension cheque to call Mary-Louise Parker for a new one. Apparently he does this a lot because they seem to know each other pretty well.

Mary-Louise Parker wants excitement and travel. She reads romance novels. How novel.

It starts a bit slow. He lives in Cleveland and it's around Christmas. I know this because it said Cleveland on his trash bin, and the gaudy holiday decorations are up.

God, if I looked like that at 50 or whatever, I wouldn't be eating dinner alone! Bruce, I still would...

They both read the romance novel.

I don't get why Bruce Willis has to sleep wearing so much clothes.

Oh, oh ACTION about to start!

Intruders in the house, and Brucie is in the kitchen, or so they think

Bruce is so KOOL!

Packing his emergency kit and then he's out of there while the house is getting shot at by machine guns of some kind. It's all a bit over the top and American. I love it!

Oh, he's not out of there yet. He's been hiding and massive shooting. Don't they ever run out of bullits?

Kansas City!

We are now in Kansas City at Mary-Louise Parker appartment. She was not expecting Brucie in her flat. Haha. She's throwing stuff at him.

Oh no, they are very being followed and so he put gaffa tape over her mouth and tied her up in the backseat. She's not happy about it.

Sounds like Fragglerock if you ask me.

Oh, cute man is setting up someone for a crime at a gorgeous modern house. He has someone hanging by the neck now.

New target is Brucie. Cute man is a black op guy.

New Orleans hello!

Mary-Louise Parker tied up to a bed.

Meet Morgan Freeman in a red velvet tracksuit. This isn't a pretty picture.

Brucie and Morgan are talking. Brucie brought fingers with him. I'm not kidding! FINGERS.

Morgan Freeman to Brucie: "somebody has a serious hardon for you" - favourite line so far, and so true. So true.

Mary-Louise Parker escaped. She was very shocked she actually got loose, and now there's trouble. Cute man found out about her.

Brucie saves the girl. She was injected with a sedative or something. She's hjigh apparently.

Cute guy getting shot at. He's not just cute, he's hot.

This is so not a real street. This is a studio lot for sure. A little disappointing to be honest.

First Coca Cola sign.

CIA is behind it all apparently. Morgan figured it out.

Welcome to New York City. Been driving on that very road I think.

Mary-Louise Parker to Brucie: "I was hoping you had hair" - first bald head joke. It was pretty funny.

Oh look! It's Lanes mother from Gilmore Girls. She is the mother of a dead journalist that Brucie and Marylou (Mary-Louise Parker is now known as that).

The plot thickens. Brucie and Marylou were checking things out at the library it seems.

Dramatic facial expressions by Brucie. Apparently the guy who they were looking for is dead.

At the CIA there's a records keeper who has all the records of the black ops agents. Apparently Brucie used to be one of them, and cute guy is now checking it out.

RED is Retired Extremely Dangerous. Now we know that.

Pensacola, Florida

Brucie and Marylou are about to meet someone in alligator land.

It's a little exciting.

Whoooops there he is!

He lives in a car.

We are about 32 minutes into it now. It's actually pretty good. Not at all comic booky, that there's anything wrong with that. I like the old Superman movies, Spiderman and I'd like to watch Green Lantern.

Mobile, Alabama!

A city called Mobile? Weird.

The dude they hooked up with walks around with a teddy bear pig and is very paranoid. It's a little funny.

James Remar! WE LOVE YOU!

James Remar just passed. May he rest in pieces. Again lots of shooting and explosions. BOOM!

Brucie really LIKES Marylou.

Brucie now visiting the Russian Embassy to see someone to get help. They want to get into the CIA.

Love the sort of faux cold war, iron wall aspects. We need more of this.

I also missed the really bad fake Russian accents. The worst I've seen are in K-19 Widow Maker starring Harrison Ford.

Now Brucie and Marylou are going into the CIA building. It's a little exciting and a little bit Covert Affair esque.

Another hair joke. Hah! Somehow I think Brucie would look a little sad with hair.

Cute nay hot guy and Brucie (also hot) are now fighting. it's a little exciting and very EXCITING if you know what I mean.

They got out. Much excitement going on though.

ENTER DAME HELEN MIRREN!

Well, actually Brucie entered Helens house. "I kill people dear", Helen Mirren is so kool. Never thought I'd hear her say that.

We just established that cute, nay hot guy has a family. I'm sure that'll turn up later.

Who knew Helen Mirren could be this gun crazy. It's fun.

They've discovered the reason why and who wants them all dead.

Lots of shooting, commotion and Marylou was just captured.

The only one who does any real acting in this movie is Helen Mirren but she really does upp the class, the lass.

Brucie is now at the cute, nay hot guys house calling. Threatning his family.

Marylou is becoming kool. How about that!

Brucie is going to kill the guy behind it all. so they are going to CHICAGO!

I've been to Chicago, it's not all that.

Helen Mirren is looking classy as ever.

Julian McMahon! He's attractive. I'd let him..

Apparently he's their target. I'm sure after a bit of schmoozing there'll be gunfire and other action business.

Excessive firepower but very entertaining
It's very American but we are loving this!

THEY SHOT DAME HELEN MIRREN!! So.not.kool!

We are almost at the climax of the movie. Exciting stuff.

All we need now is Brucie snogging cute nay hot guy.

The END or in French 'fin'

I do hope they'll get the entire cast back to do another one. Cute nay hot guy is Karl Urban

I take a deep breath and hold a piece of sky in my mouth

I'm not home yet. Well, OK so I *am* home, but only in body because my spirit is really everywhere but here. On Thursday last week I've been home for a month and while I adore New York, and this is not the last time you hear of it, it's not as if I feel particularly like I'm still in New York. I just feel anywhere but here.

A few weeks ago we had our 'team day' where we all bonded and such, which wasn't nearly as awful as I thought. I made my presentation and after a few days had gone by, my boss lady came up to me and said "I thought you would say that you love travelling". Huh? That was my highly intelligent response to that and then she started telling me about how I'd flewn to London over the weekend in 2009 followed shortly after by an almost month long trip to the great US of A. Then in 2010 I hadn't been anywhere which she thought was a bit bizarre only I went to New York this year for a week. Surely I must love travelling.

I don't really feel that way. I don't mind not going anywhere as long as I feel good where I am and while I lived in Copenhagen I was thrilled to just be. Somehow now, I search for any excuse to go somewhere. Be that New York, Vegas (BABY!), San Francisco, London or Paris. Hell, if I had the chance I'd whisk myself off to Blackpool. While this makes it sound as if I have a terrible life here, I really don't. My appartment is decent (although the rent is a bit steep for a place like this), I love my job (there seems to be a bit much of that lately) and my parents aren't all that intrusive (which is rather odd). It's really just the city I suppose and the fact that most of my friends moved on while I was gone. Two years later, all the friends I have left of my 'old' friends is my bestest friend evah, a darling colleague girl and, Dullface he admitted reluctantly. Fairly sad.

Not to sound too sad and pathetic, I did manage to meet a few new peeps, but I'm rather picky when it comes to meeting new friends. Unlike in other parts of my life. This is also why I ended up going to New York alone. My bestest friend evah was unavailable or as he would say - out of funds and there was no way in hells I'd take Dullface.

Now, let's steer back to travelling again. I get sidetracked easiely. I've been thinking about how it'll be at least a year until I'll go somewhere again. To be honest I find that unbearable, so I have been airing the idea of a few days in London. Travelling Scary Air and staying in some mucky hotel for a few days is better than nothing I suppose. This would mean I could go see this in London



on Sunday..

Of course that's completely crazy but a few days in London would be wonderful. Maybe I'd feel ready to get back to the daily trials and tribulations then?

In My Life

Films have always been a great part of my life, because they, along with TV were an escape to a better life. Another life. Somewhere far, far away. Plus all the glamour surrounding the making of it. Of course, I know making a movie is not all glitz and glamour and there's a lot of hard, grunt work. Just like in TV. Still, the movies and the cinema were a means to escape whatever troubles you had and go to a different place. A place where other people had troubles that were almost always solved and subsequently they lived happily ever after.

We also didn't have a strong tradition when it came to movies at my childhood home. We didn't buy tapes, and we most certainly didn't go to the cinema. Well, not a lot anyway. My parents would scamper off to see the latest James Bond movie and leaving us kids at home. That was about it. My mother really did fancy Sean Connery, like mother like son I suppose. He was handsome back in the day.

So yes, he's not bloody home yet. Here's a nice little film meme.

Films That Remind Me of Childhood

The first movie I remember watching at the cinema was Walt Disney's The Fox & The Hound (Danish title Mads & Mikkel). I remember getting dressed in my PJs for the movie and I wasn't having it one bit. To this day, this is probably the movie I've cried the most tears to.



Most of my childhood films came curtesy of Walt Disney like The Little Mermaid and Oliver & Co but later in life I remember one time where the whole family were sitting together watching a movie on TV. It was Coming To America starring Eddie Murphy. This was probably around 1989/90. I was around 12 years old and even my evil big brother was there. He's 10 years older than me. It was just such a big moment that the 'whole family' were together and doing something that I actually liked.

I've never counted but I've probably watched this movie 35 times.



Childhood Films Where Removal was Necessary

I've always been very sensitive and when it came to horror, suspense and other genres like that, I knew my limits. I just didn't watch it. Although once I was home alone with evil bro, he and a few of his friends had rented a couple of movies. They had rented Good Morning Vietnam and Miami Spice. Since I don't like war movies, I popped in the latter thinking it was like the series Miami Vice.

Let's just make it very clear, IT WAS PORN! and I was so shocked because I'd never seen anything like it before. I was revolted and yet fascinated. Plus the plot was kind of funny. Obviously it was stopped short before the end, because evil bro came into the living room (the only room we had a VCR in) and he was mortified. I never got to see the end of it which was a little disappointing but I was quite queasy. Strangely enough I didn't tell on my brother that time.

Since I can't find an actual clip of the movie, I leave you with this because why the hell not.



Films that Defined My Teens

My teens were mostly defined by TV series and mini series made for TV along with tacky Hallmark movies. Of TV series it will come as no surprise to anyone that Dynasty was my main inspiration and also action series such as Acapulco HEAT and Mr. & Mrs Smith. Let's take a small look at the latter



I also liked Mistral's Daughter which I would watch with my mother. Of course she'd have a glass of wine in her hand as one does.
Back to the subject at hand, movies I'd have to say that my biggest inspirations were anything with Leslie Nielsen in it. Especially when he paired up with the Zucker Brothers. Like in the Airplane! and the Naked Gun movies.



I also like Sandra Bullock a lot, so naturally I was influenced a lot by her movies. The Net was a favourite.



Films Seen Multiple Times at Theatres

This could be potentially embarrassing. I've watched 4 movies multiple times at the theatre. Now delight in my humiliation while I take you through them and the reasons behind it. There's always a reason.

Miss Congeniality starring Sandra Bullock.

I've watched it 4 times at the theatre and I actually don't have a total of how many times I've watched it on DVD. It's a lot though.

Well, first time I watched it was with my bestest friend evah. He's a fanboy like me and we always watch Sandra Bullock movies at the theatre together so naturally we went to watch it.

Second time was with a girl who I was very close friends with at the time. I'll mention her 2 more times in this one. Let's call her Maria, because that's her name. She's a lovely girl. We had a falling out almost 10 years ago and met up 4 years ago and I blew her off which was very rude of me and I regret this very much now but I can't find her. I've tried. Well, we loved to go to the movies and as you'll see later on, we'd watch anything. Twice.

Third time was with Dullface because we had decided to go watch a movie and he wanted to watch this one. I liked it, so there we go. It was still funny!

Fourth time was when I had gone to the International People's College and a group of us wanted to go watch a movie. The others hadn't watched this one, and I decided not to share the fact that I'd watched it 3 times before. After we got back and had some wine, it came out though and we all had a big laugh about it. That was the point when I was accepted into the lush club. I was so happy and drunk for the rest of the stay.



The Patriot starring Mel Gibson

I watched this one twice. Haven't watched it since it came out because it's not my genre. As a general rule I don't like war movies, and this one felt like it went on forever. So, why did I watch it twice?

This movie was watched with Maria both times. First time was because the theatre in our town only had two screening rooms. One large and one tiny. There was also only one theatre in our town. That limits the options a lot and it seemed like nothing interesting came out at that time. At least not at our theatre. I don't remember what was out at the time, but maybe we'd already seen it or it wasn't our cup of tea. Anyway we decided to try it out. Then found out we hated it. The following weekend we had nothing better to do so we decided to go the cinema again. Nothing except this movie was showing, so we asked ourselves the question "was it really *THAT* dull?". The answer was yes.

Lord of the Rings

It turned out that The Patriot was nowhere near as dull as Lord of the Rings.

I watched it twice. First time was with my job at the time who decided we should all go waste a Thursday night (the company paid for the tickets). To be honest I started snoring about 20 minutes into the movie and was nudged on the shoulder to wake up when there was a 15 minute break in the movie. Then fell asleep immediately again waking up when the credits came on. It was that entertaining to me.

Before I'd watched it, I had promised Dullface (this was when we were still sort of seeing each other socially) that I'd go watch it with him. He had missed his chance to see it with a group of co-workers so I said OK. I tried to get out of it, but I couldn't. Let's just say it was a very expensive and quite uncomfortable nap.

This is a lot more funny version.



Mission Impossible II - starring Tom Cruise

Probably the most ridiculous movie I've watched in a very long time. Granted I haven't watched it for about 8 years.

Anyway, I watched it both times with Maria. It was basically the same situation as with The Patriot where there's wasn't much else going on. Granted this was more enjoyable because the second time we were laughing through most of it. Ah, the memories!
First Date Film

My first date film was Jurassic Park. A bunch of us from school went to see it. The late screening at 9.20pm so a pick up after the film was over had been arranged by our parents. I didn't want to go at first. Mostly because I knew I'd have nightmares from watching it and then because it was with school 'mates' who I had pretty bad experiences with during the day. So why would I want to go hang out with them in the evening. It would be common sense to not go.

Common sense went out the window when a boy who lived close to me asked me what I was doing on that Thursday evening. I told him, and he asked if he could come with me. 'To protect me'. I laughed. He insisted and my mother got him in. Of course they didn't know what was going on. We'd gotten tickets a little further back from everyone else because I'd brought 'an outsider'. Apparently that was frowned upon. Still, we had a good time holding hands in the darkness of the theatre. I bought it on VHS tape in 1998 and rewatched it because there are parts I didn't watch the first time and that's all I have to say about that.
Nightmares from Films

I never had nightmares from Jurassic Park, which is a bit strange but maybe I was looking elsewhere through most of that film. What did give me nightmares was Scream. It was the first and only horror movie I'd watched up until then. That night I was with Dullface and a straight guy (let's call him H) who I had a huge crush on and actually had fooled around with a bit a couple of years earlier.

--- an aside--
My experience has always been that 3 is a crowd. Everytime there were two people and me, I ended up getting clobbered. If not physically then at least mentally. Every time I'd end up being at the bad end of some sick prank or joke. So I rarely went to anything knowing we would be 3 (or more for that matter).
--- aside over--

It was going pretty ok. Then the other two wanted to watch a movie, and of course H pulled out a copy of Scream. Instead of leaving, I sat there watching it all. Then of course they had a lot of fun scaring the shit out of me througout the movie and said they'd follow me on my walk home and jump out at me. As I had to walk past the forest and every second lamp post was turned off I was scared to death walking home. I heard my own footsteps and so I ran thinking I was being followed. It was just really unpleasant. Obviously they didn't follow me. I slept with the lights on for 4 days.

Films that are Guilty Pleasures

So many guilty pleasures, so little time! I am going to limit myself to four films.

Batman & Robin

I watched this at the theatre but I can't recall who I watched it with. I think I was staring too much at George Clooney's crotch to notice anything else. I later bought it on VHS and loved every minute of the campy goodness. I still say it's the best Batman movie ever made. It has George Clooney and Chris O'Donnell in tight outfits, Uma Thurman in tiny little nothing outfits and loads of makeup. Camp dialogue and Arnold Schwarzenegger dancing in furry bear slippers. What's not to love!



Catwoman

So ridiculously bad it's good. Bad computer effects, bad acting, bad dialogue, horrible story and Sharon Stone. Not like that's anything new for Sharon Stone of course. After Basic Instinct 2 I'll believe anything.

I watched this at the theatre with my bestest friend evah and we laughed throughout the entire thing. Of course he thought it was dire. I see it as camptastic. Potatoe/potatoe I suppose. Just had to get the DVD.



Spice World

This is actually comedy genius combined with catchy (and very popular) pop songs. I love how kitchy it is and how you can easily spot the movie mistakes in this one and believe me, there are plenty. Usually you have to have a good eye to notice some of the movie mistakes but not in this. To be honest I think they kept them in to give this movie a new dimension. Like in the Airplane! movies. I watched this movie with Dullface. He wanted to see it as much as I did, so one day we rocked popped up at the theatre at 6pm (there were no later screenings of this one. We wondered why) and stood in line to get our tickets. Then we were seated in the tiny screening room and we were the oldest patrons who weren't escorted by adults.

Also, I was the only one laughing throughout the movie. I guess some people just have no sense of humour.




Barb Wire

We missed this one at the theatre. It only played for one week in the tiny screening room. I still don't know why. It was camptastic, kick arse action and as a gayer I still say there's something about Pamela Anderson and her boobs. Loved everything about it and bought the special edition VHS tape. Yes there was a special edition, and it was a £25 import in 1997. To this day, I still love it and I have it on DVD.




Last Film I Saw at the Theatre

I have started expanding my horizons when it comes to films. To be honest I don't care for Danish movies except the really old ones from the 1920s and up to about 1969 or so. Some of the new ones can be alright but most are dire. That said, I accepted an invitation to go with colleagues to see SuperClásico which is part Danish and part South American.  It's about a man who has taken his son with him to South America to try and get his wife back. She's run off with a dishy football player and a career. This is his journey.



It's probably one of the most f*cked up movies I've ever watched. Weirdly funny and kind of depressing all at the same time.

Favourite Film No One Else Seems to Know About

Gunshy

I'm not sure I'll be good at selling this. I'd never watched it but decided to buy it anyway because it stars Sandra Bullock, Liam Neeson and Oliver Platt and it's about a DEA agent who starts undergoing therapy who then goes to Sandra Bullock for a little cleansing where she utters the famous (or it should be) line "Hi, I'm Judy Tipp and I'll be doing your enema" or something to that effect.



Two if by Sea or the Danish title Stole Hearts (yes that is the translation, no Danish words there)

Another one I bought without having watched it. I didn't expect it to be any good, but it was surprisingly witty. Dennis Leary takes his girlfriend on a job (he steals things) and it all goes tits up.
Please, please, please watch the clip here ! You may actually like it.

The Contender

This is a really good political thriller. I saw a review of this on TV when it came out and thought I'd have to watch it. Since it never made it to our two screening room theatre, I had to buy it once it came out. I get goosebumps just watching the trailer. It's THAT good.



You should all do this meme and let me know in the comments that you've done it.

Now, come on everyone! All together now. "ISN'T HE BLOODY HOME YET?". Maybe..