Fine wine

I've been struggling finding out my role again. 

In life, perhaps. 

As a 'blogger' (I'm using this term loosely like most other terms to describe myself), absolutely. 

Well, that's not 100 percent true either, I always fancy myself a bit of a diva. Not unlike a mixture of the 3 most important Joans in the world. Joan Crawford, Dame Joan Collins and Joan Rivers. 

By of Dame Joan Collins I mean the later years. These days where she occasionally pops up in something, is her own over the top self, waves a little, says something snooty and gets kicked out of the local Ikea in the South of France when holidaying in St. Tropez with friends. 

Now that would have been a great soundbite except it's not true. It's a very misleading thing to say because upon doing a bit of research it appears that Dame Joan Collins have been quite prolific of late. I just haven't watched it. All I knew about was her stint on American Horror Story and an episode of the delicious Hawaii Five-0. 

The Ikea incident is true, and isn't that just delicious. Just what we need in these COVID times.

Truth is when it comes to the actual work. As in the paid work department I don't say no, I am completely Joan Rivers and have even managed a promotion of sorts. The issue is when I'm not working. At that point I turn into the DIVA. 

DIVA 'Petra is quite something and especially in these COVID times. Nothing gets done around here. I have deadlines selfgiven and otherwise that come and go. Mostly it's procrastination - like why I'm writing this and not ACTUALLY cleaning my kitchen and bathroom like I'd promised myself. Instead I watched Kirstie Allsopp do all sorts of Christmassy things, like make her own soap, stuffed teddybear, beaded tassels and paper Christmas tree baubles. She also made chocolate truffles that looked like poo. It was quite an eventful day. In total I've spent 15 minutes in the kitchen clearing up today.

I think it's partly because DIVA 'Petra is broken. Perhaps DIVA 'Petra is simply too fabulous for manual labour. It could also be bad habits and laziness. The too fabulous option sounds best though.

Perhaps I've been too convincing telling myself that I'm fabulous and I deserve chocolate cake for breakfast and filling the metaphoric bathtub with Champagne because to quote the fabulous Sparky Tim 

'because it's been a difficult year and we deserve nice things'

On a sidenote that quote, has been my slogan most of this year anyway. I've bought so many LPs that I could start my very own 1980's radio station.

To be completely honest the DIVA act doesn't work when it boils down to it. While I don't have an actual bathtub to fill with Champagne, I have had the chocolate cake for breakfast. I've also had chocolate cake, chocolate and any other thing in the sweets and/or snack department for dinner. It's not advisable. It may sound fabulous, and washed down with fine wine or Champagne and doesn't it just.

It's not cute.

Gaining weight like that and constant hunger is not cute. I mean, I'm all for being hungry if it means losing a bit of weight (HIGHLY UNADVISABLE AND IF YOU SUFFER OR THINK YOU SUFFER FROM SOME SORT OF FOOD DEPENDENCY OR EATING DISORDER YOU SHOULD GET HELP. THERE ARE GREAT PROGRAMMES OUT THERE). I have personally been brought up by HER (my mother) who had the manifestos (there weren't any blogs or tweets back then)

'I know what skinny feels like. Hungry, it feels like hungry'

and isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck, fantastic. And just before Christmas too!

I suppose this fabulous DIVA 'Petra should stop typing for now that it's stopped making any sense whatsoever, get to bed and wake up early tomorrow and with coffee in rubber gloved hand shall get the housework sorted in time for a Monday of working from home, apartment inspection and what other fabulousness a Monday can bring.