Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Reading 4 erotic (alright, slightly if not fairly pornographic) books, didn't work on me. At least not in the way it should be. Still, I was entertained by lovely stories, fair writing and I quote
Hot sweaty manlove of the interplanetary kind
Oh yes, oh yes. It does say that. Ain't life grand?
Let's start with that one.
The Englor Affair by JL Langley
I couldn't remember much of it to be honest, so I might have to read the first book again, and then read The Englor Affair again afterwards. Some of the same characters and the same universe is used, and for an erotic book (I sound like such an afficionado don't I, for someone who's read 6 in all his life) that's a little unusual.
I'll spare you all the graphic details but just say that the book is set in another universe on the Planet Englor (and a little on the planet Regelence which was featured in My Fair Captain) where things are a mix of the old days of aristocracy and hi-tech stuff in the far, far future. There are kings, princes, lords and dames. It's actually quite entertaining - but you will be confronted with
Hot sweaty manlove of the interplanetary kind
It comes with a warning though, one of the guys is a ginger.
I can't wait to read book three as I'm fairly sure there will be a third because like in My Fair Captain, not everything was solved in this one either.
After having read three books by JL Langley (I had also previously read a book called The Tin Star with hot all male cowboy lovin - read about it here) that were pretty good, I thought I'd make it an even four.
This book was about hot cowboy lovin, and it actually mixed in with the storyline of The Tin Star
The book was good. I liked the story and the lovin but I wasn't so keen on one of the dudes having long hair, and the editing was fairly bad. Imagine the nonsense and mistakes I make and multiply it by 10. Still, the book had me.. let's just say it had me going through most of the colours of the rainbow. I even cried. That in itself isn't a big thing because I could cry watching a commercial afterall.
I suspect doing the handyman is every girl and gays fantasy. At least if he's hot. Perseonally I haven't met one of those yet, but in this book a yuppy guy moves to the suburbs and hires a handyman to do his kitchen. Let's just say, he ends up doing more than his kitchen. Much happens, some things fairly funny, and others a little more serious. A lot of self doubt and such and of course lots of handyman lovin.
This book was pretty good, and refeshing from reading all those JL Langley books.
Needless to say there were lots of sexual frustrations, erotica and down and dirty sex involved. The story was far from weak considering the nature of the book (you can't expect to pick up something of the same level as Puskin, Hemingway or Tolstoy) and the writing fairly good.
Next time I'll order books, I think they'll have to be books on knitting and sewing.
Monday, March 08, 2010
I apologise if this will be a little long, and incoherent at times, but after consuming quite a bit of alcohol, I'm still a little sloshed.
Those Champagnes come highly recommended, but my guacamole from last night (although fairly garlicy) would be used better as a face mask if added a little coarse salt for peeling effect. Anyway, on with the show! I'm dividing all the dresses up in 3 categories: Fab, saFe and Fugly. The men are divided up in Hot and Not. So, enjoy and please let me know what you think!
Let's start with the Fab
Amanda Seyfried in Armani Privé
I like it, but I'm not quite sure of the fabric. It sort of looks like a duvet (of course I've made dresses out of that when I was younger and they were runway worthy) or bubble wrap. Do you think it's a snooze or does it pop? I'm not feeling the makeup and hair.
Anna Kendrick in Elie Saab
This dress is just lovely. This type of colour is very 'in' this year at the Oscars. I don't like that we saw a lot of this type of colour this year, but it worked on this dress. I'm not feeling the hair, feeling it's a little too casual compared to the current trends.
Antonio Villaraigosas companion in a fabulous dress. The colour does it all. Strong and confident. The jewels are great too. Antonio could do with a new pair of shoes, but apart from that, they look great together.
Diane Kruger in Chanel and Quentin Tarantino
I know, you think I'm too sloshed to see that the dress isn't working. It makes her arse huge and what's with all the ruffles and bands? I like the concept too much to say it's ugly and it takes a very secure woman to wear something like that. Diane Kruger was that woman and I salute her. Even if it isn't the most flattering dress in the world.
Elizabeth Banks in Versace
I like this organza dress. It's flattering and definately something even I'd wear. It's not too dominating because they kept it in that colour. Notice no necklace. The dress is enough on it's own. Pure and simple.
George Clooney with date
George wasn't himself today. At least not his very happy and joking self. Maybe he was a bit miffed being almost certain he'd lose to Jeff Bridges? His date wore this very simple but very fashion forward red colour dress. The colour, the dress isn't fashion forward. The dress is fairly safe and dull. However the dress and George pull it into the Fab category. What put me off about her, was her constant posing and pouty appearance. It was sickening. Maybe I'm just a little antsy about the rumours saying he may be gay.
Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka with Chopard jewels.
Helen Mirren looks fantastic. Obviously we've seen her in a dress like this one before, but that doesn't change the fact that she is conscious about her age and her wobbly bits. It's exactly the type of dress she should be wearing. Love her!
Jennifer Lopez in Armani Privé
Now forgive me. I know you don't want to look at her. At least I managed to find a photo without her hideous husband. This is another bubble wrap outfit, yet it looks good on her. This type of creation is very fashionable at the moment. Although I hate these pale and bland coloured dresses, this dress couldn't be any other colour. Imagine it in red and you'd have Heidi Klum wearing it looking like an evil Disney witch or something.
I have no idea who she is, or why she was there. The dress looked none too special, but anyone who has a Olympic silver medal is Fab in my book.
Double Oscar winner of the night Kathryn Bigelow
I am not certain who the designer is. It could be Marchesa. None the less it looks great on her.
Kristin Stewart in Monique Lhuillier
I think she's part of the Vamp Pack. This is a good look for her. At first sight it looks safe, but for a girl her age it's difficult to pick a dress without it looking too old or too trashy/inappropiate for an even like the Oscars. Good job.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dries Van Noten
Maggie Gyllenhaal is one of the few people who can pull off a print dress like this at an event like this. We still remember that dreadful dress on Cody Diablo a few years ago. She looks stunning in this, and I especially like it because everyone was in these almost nude colours or very safe designs. The print compliments the simple design of the dress.
Marishka Hargitay in Vera Wang
I like Vera Wang. Vera Wang makes great wedding dresses, and the outfits she did for the US Olympic team were great. This.. now that I'm less sloshed looks a bit like something out of the Addams Family. Yet, there is something about it. The colour is dreadful though.
Mery Streep in Chris March design
Remember Chris March from Project Runway? Wasn't he the heavy guy? This is a red carpet variety of THE white hooded catsuit Kylie wore in her Can't Get You Out of My Head video. Which is probably why I like it. It's also very 'Meryl'. Love how the dress hides the parts of her body that are inevitably sagging and aging rapidly beyond repair (because you can't fix bingowings). By the way, the shoes are Jimmy Choo.
Michael Stuhlbarg and his date.
Love her dress. Not knowing at all who designed it. It must be an American designer though. Maybe Donna Karan? Mostly because it's a little dull, but apart from that it's a very well crafted dress that fits perfectly and does wonders for her tits and waist. The colour is pretty. Michael Stuhlbargs outfit is very fetching too.
Michelle Pfeiffer in what could be Carolina Herrera
She looks just wonderful doesn't she? I love Michelle Pfeiffer. The hair, the dress it all works. There simply isn't anything else to say.
Molly Ringwald with very good looking date
Molly Ringwald, the 80s relic from those iconic Hughes movies. She was like his muse for a while. Now he's dead, although I doubt the two are related. I didn't think I would like this dress but I do. I'm not feeling the sort of German disco Kylie hair.
Mo'Nique in Tadashi Shoji
Let's not kid ourselves, it's not a dream job to dress a woman of Mo'Niques size - even if she IS an Academy Award nominee. That's just the way it is. Never the less, Tadashi Shoji did a good job making her look good. I could have wished they'd have covered up the hams, but the neckline is very flattering and the structure down the front of the dress are as well. Good job! Mo'Nique - Sayhey thinks you are fierce!
Penelope Cruz in Donna Karan
I don't like Penelope Cruz, and I feel like her nomination this year was a joke. She did an awful job in NINE, and was vulgar, tacky and talentless. Like most of her other performances really. However, this year her stylist did a great job putting her in this fabulous Donna Karan dress. Who'd have thought, dull (Donna Karan) and talentless (Miss Cruz) worked so well together. I must admit though, I'd love to see how she'd do in a silent movie - preferably a film noir. Then she doesn't have to play latina parts all the time. It's getting old.
Queen Latifah in pale pink Badgley Mischka.
This is one of my all time favorites of the night. The dress flatters her. Giving her curves and her personality really shines. Nothing else to say except she'd easiely end up looking a bit like a beached whale, but she doesn't. This is brilliant.
Quincy Jones and date
His date looks simple and elegant in her pink dress. He looks a bit old and sloppy but how can one not do that next to her. Very nice.
Robert Downey Jr and date
Admittedly I'd have put this photo in the mens NOT selection because Robert (yes, obviously we are on first name basis having watched Sherlock Holmes and owning the Iron Man dvd) looks like a clown. Almost channeling Johnny Depps usually hideous Oscar outfits. It was a given, except his date wears a lovely dress. Simple and sparkly. Lovely. I can almost forgive the butterfly and those shoes. Almost but not quite.
Sigourney Weaver in a red Lavin dress
It looks great on her. It's age appropriate and ahead of the trends with the colour red becoming a future trend colour again. She did certainly get all that blue body paint off. Thank god.
Vera Famiga in Marchesa
I adore this. It's probably a little too couture for red carpet, but it's brilliant. Personally I couldn't imagine sitting in it, but I did see her sitting down at the show. Nothing boring about this. Loving it. Definately one of my favorites.
Zoe Saldana in Givenchy
I adore Zoe Saldana (especially in Star Trek) and I adore Givenchy. A winning combo? Yes, all the way to her knees. That's where it all got a bit dodgy, but OK it's another one of those concept dresses. I just know she must have had major issues fitting that into her seat with her. The top part saves it, the bottom half could have been done by one of those Project Runway contestants, okay maybe not Mitchell who was booted off third in the current season for not being able to sew.
Academy Award winner Sandra Bullock in Marchesa
My absolute favorite is Sandra Bullock though. This is pure perfection. She looked every bit the winner she was. Everything came together for her, all the way down to her hair and lipstick. Loved it. Gorgeous.
This proves to be longer than I expected as I loved a lot more of dresses than last year. Maybe I'm becoming a pushover. Now I've picked out a whole bunch of saFe dresses but I may cut these down to only a few.
Cameron Diaz in Oscar de la Renta
This, I like although the cut is a little too conventional and I'm not really feeling Cameron Diaz.
Carey Mulligan in Prada
Prada isn't my favorite fashion house, and I'm not feeling the cut but I do like that Carey Mulligan is taking the chance to be edgy. To me, edgy is usually either genious or hideous and this is just OK for me. So it's not really working.
Cheryl Hines in a standard Oscar dress
Could be any American designer doing this, but not Randolph Duke (I've completely forgotten to mention him today looking more and more like a rejuvenated robot with flourescent teeth) as he's a little too Vegas tacky ballroom gowny for the Oscars.
Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. Both looking really good. Faith Hill in this lacey number that is fairly trendy at the moment. Just look at this Dolce & Gabbana dress Kylie sported to the Brits this year. Okay can't find a linky, sorry but you'll have to take my word for it.
Gabourey Sidibe in Marchesa
Marchesa really had their work cut out for them with this project. Let's be honest again, no matter how much you love Gabourey Sidibe being herself - and her performance - it's not an easy task to dress her for a Red Carpet even like the Oscars. You all root for her, she's nominated and you really want her to look her best. Marchesa did a wonderful job and she should probably have been in the Fab category. The only thing I'd have done was add more fabric around her arms, covering up the hams. Other than that, it's a great dress. Bless her for her positive attitude.
Jane Seymour in something that could be Armani.
The reason why I even mention her, is because of the colour. Remember people, RED!
Jeremy Renner (nominated) brought his mother along
We love that! He looks dashing and apart from the fact that it appears as if she's not wearing a bra, it's avery age and size appropriate outfit. Albeit a bit dull.
Kate Winslet in either Salvatore Gerragamo or YSL - there are debates about this in blogland
It's a perfectly lovely outfit. The colour is lovely, the jewels are worth millions and her hair is perfectly lovely. It's just lacking the star power. Maybe she's saving it for her next nomination. It may be a while.
Leigh Ann Touhy (The real life one that Sandra Bullock won an Oscar portraying)
I'm not aware of who designed it. I just know that no matter what I feel about the dress, you can't help but love her for what she's done. I can say, I love the pearls.
Lise Lense-Møller and Anders Østergaard
They are Danish and were nominated for Burma VJ. Didn't win though, and we are of course gutted. The outfits are fairly bland but I like the Burmese dude.
Nicholas Schmerkins date is wearing a nice little summer dress. Hardly appropriate.
Zoe Kravitz in Alexis Mabille
Perfectly lovely, but it's just not special. The added red ribbon of sorts doesn't make it special enough, but does take my thoughts away from the label wedding dress - thank heavens!
I hope you are ready for the Fuglies now! Brace yourself! (see what I did there..)
Alexandre Desplat who I'm sure you don't know.
I know I didn't, but he and his date sure did leave an impression. H.I.D.E.O.U.S. yes. His dates outfit that is. I wish I could tell you who made this fashion atrocity but I assume it's just something she picked up at C & A. His outfit isn't much better being a little too informal and entirely too dark.
Bob Murawski (that's the woman) and Chris Innis.
You guess who I think looks hideous. Is it a 1930s witchy costume? A little gothy and more than a bit scared. He looks like Stephen Rea in the Robert Altman movie Pret a Porter with those shades (meaning very 1994).
Charlize Theron made a major mistake in wearing Chrstian Dior
How could she wear such a thing? The colour is unflattering on her, and it's like they didn't know where to attach the cape so they just stuck it to her boobs. Even her hair is wrong. Bless 'er.
Debra Ann Woll
I think she's part of the Vamp Pack being in True Blood but I'm not certain. Where ever she is famous from, her fame won't be elevated by this atrocity. The colour does her no favours, I don't like the neckline, the jewels on the dress are a little arts and crafty 5 year old with a glue gun and some of those glass shards you find at the beach and the slit is too close to the hooha.
Demi Moore in Versace
You can tell that Demi Moore just realised that she's landed in peach ruffle hell. Actually I can't say I hate the ruffles, or the dress in general. What I think does it injustice are two things. The fact that it's ancient Do-Me More wearing it, and it's peach. Peach is just not an Oscar colour. I'm trying to think of a situation where it's OK to wear peach, but one one comes to mind. A brides maids dress, where the bride hates her brides maids. Maybe her stylist really hates her? The answer is in the colour palet.
Georgina Chapman in this black ruffle and tulle extravaganza
I'm not entirely sure about this dress. I just think the designer got a little carried away with the tulle on the straps. In case she has wobbly bits around her pits, it's worth ending up on the worst dressed list, but sadly it doesn't look that way. So, it's just criminal.
James Cameron and his wife - she is wearing Jillian Granz
They are taking this blue thing a little too far. I'm afraid he'll be doing a Smurfs movie next or direct part deux of this
(be prepared to see a lot more of this, when I do my review of Avatar in an upcoming post)
Sarah Jessica Parker in Chanel Couture and Matthew Broderick (in Tom Ford I think)
Apart from the obvious, that Matthew Broderick looks like a sad spechul his suit fits him nicely and it's a great classic design. Horseface Sarah Jessica Parker was plugging the upcoming Sex & the City - the movie part deux and flashing her unflattering shapeless Chanel potatoe sack. I can't say I'm shocked that she would end up in a hideous creation. It's just unfortunate that she is a tiny stick insect and ends up looking like a walrus with bags under her eyes and sinewy arms.
Lee Daniels with his date to the Oscars
She is just here as a public service announcement to remind us why one should NEVER, evah!, wear yellow.
Mariah Carey wearing Valentino
You'd think she'd know how to dress appropriate by now. Everyone else thinks this saloon madam look is so over and has been for years. Trust Mariah to hook up with Mr. Tangerine Man and end up looking like she's ready for a ho-down. Sorry, it's way too easy to call this cheap, tacky, slutty and say she looks like a ham that was squeezed into a too tight stocking. Ooops!
Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas
The madam neckline continues but this time with a twist. This time it's in the inappropriate and vulgar goth fetisch incarnation. Yet, Melanie Griffith is a lady. She glams it up with a pearl necklace. Antonio needs a shave.
Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham escorted by her mother.
You pick who is most hideous, because I can't. All I know is that the bustie is very unflattering on Miley and there are a million things wrong with both women. Maybe Miley Cyrus should have gone for hip and kool and kept her mother at home.
Nicole Richie in vintage Reem Acra
Oh LOOK! That dress is wearing Nicole Richie. It's so obvious that she wants so much to look like Angelina Jolie, but fails miserably. Love it or hate it, Angelina wears the dress - not the other way around. Nicole Richie just doesn't have what it takes to pull off a dress like that. Sorry. The dress on the right woman would be lovely.
Paula Patton in Carolina Herrera
I love Carolina Herrera. What she's done for Renee Zellwegger is amazing, but this time the colour is wrong. Other than that it's a lovely dress. Also on a pregnant woman.
Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab
Where Maggie Gyllenhaal did everything right, Rachel McAdams just didn't cut it. It looked like they'd taken the old curtains down at the local Motel Six last minute and had a Mitchell from Project Runway stitch it together. She's not too happy with the result, eh?
Robert Duwall brings Calista Flockhart wannabe with him to the Oscars
Somebody force feed her lard! At least her hip bones aren't protruding.
Sharlto Copley and date.
It was a last minute invitation. She didn't have a dress and she'd already gotten into her house coat. He said, we have to go NOW if we are to make it on time. She decided not to change.
Very bad idea.
Tina Fey in Michael Kors
Be warned. This is what happens when you say yes to Michael Kors.. Maybe he thought she had a sense of humour, but clearly she didn't get the joke and he was too afraid to share.
Ok, how about that! We've made it to the mens categories now. They do look a lot alike but you'll enjoy it none the less because I say so. I've now been up for over 24 hours and I'm a little hungover but we'll keep going! Let's see the hottest mens looks on the red carpet.
Very handsome and the suit fits him perfectly. Who is this man? When can I meet him?
Oh yes, very smart suit.
Another nice suit. Love the shoes. Wait, who pooped on the carpet?
Guy Pearce and date
I won't comment on her, but Guy Pearce is wearing a nice Burberry tux and the glasses compliment him well.
Jake Gyllenhaal in Burberry
Notice how his tux is the same as Guy Pearce. Yet, it's not a big deal unlike if two women wore the same dress (wouldn't that be fun!)
Very elegant and a little less posh than what Guy and Jake wore. Could that be Dolce & Gabbana?
Ryan Reynolds in Tom Ford tux
Tom Ford designs amazing menswear. This is another fine example.
I can't not mention Stanley Tucci.
Taylor Lautner - part of the Vamp Pack
In a few years one can safely say he's hot. Until then I'll just say he looks exceptionally handsom and has great teeth and hair.
Tom Ford wearing Tom Ford obviously
He looks amazing, and he's also multi talented as he not only directed the movie A Single Man, put together his own design company Tom Ford making fragrances and menswear but he was also the man who resurrected Gucci and made it a leading fashion house again.
He looks uncomfortable but his suit is nice and he has great hair.
Now let's look at the atrocities the men decided to wear last night.
I have no idea what he's doing, but the hat, glasses and the decoration above his right pocket. What was he thinking! Was he trying to channel Johnny Depp?
John Lasseter and boy
The boy looks too posh, and John Lasseter is wearing the most atrocious tie. Evah! It's incredible how little it takes to ruin a suit, but he does so very effective.
Mickey Rooney and wife.
Like I said, it doesn't take much to ruin a suit. This time it's the blue butterfly. I do have to compliment his wife on wearing something that covers up her wobbly bits. Very elegant.
Morgan Freeman with women
Morgan Freeman is probably one of the most kool actors around. Still, take off the shades, you aren't blind (yet).
Paul N.J. Ottosson
NO. no, no no, no! She looks pretty though.
Is this the kid from UP?
Samuel L. Jackson
He's the other really kool actor in Hollywood right now. That said, it doesn't justify the beret and the velvet tux. Go home and change.
Another hat. Hats are a very bad idea at the Oscars. Leave them at home.
That's it. The red carpet is all over now. Before I leave you, here is proof that Alexis is still alive and kicking in Hollywood.
Goodnight and good luck!