Monday, February 29, 2016

The Academy Awards

The show was dull, obnoxious, tedious and unfunny. Chris Rock made me wish for James Franco to turn up. This was the worst show since the last time Billy Crystal hosted.

That said Alicia Vikander is everything!



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Tuesday, June 02, 2015

A urinal cake story

I have a urinal story to share. You see, here, today, a mere hour ago or so, I was in the shower washing my hair. The shampoo was this new thing I'd seen called Aussie. I'd had much fun reading the label and then opened the bottle.
 photo image.jpg1_zpsttsozveo.jpg

As I lathered up my hair a vaguely smell met my nose. It was that of a childhood ice cream but as I began to rinse out my dark brown locks of hair, another familiar smell tickled my nose. The distinct smell of urinal cakes.

This leads me to an honest to god true story from the real life. I was a wee young boy at the time so I had to just now call my mother to confirm a few facts so that I can bring you a factual story that holds in case someone, somewhere should decide to do a bit of poking and prodding. Not that you like that sort of thing, right?

Anyway I digress. Let's get to it. It was my grandparents (on my fathers side, this is important to mention. They're a simpler people) 50th wedding anniversary. I may have been 10 years old at the time and I'm *ahem* 29 as I write this. The venue was an all too brown, all too dark room with dark brown heavy curtains. Everyone in the family was invited and we'd been treated to a clear beef soup and the main was a dry something beef type meat served wit baby carrots, peas, and those tiny onions you put in a gin martini and some sort of thick brown sauce. While the grown ups either had wine or lemonade (my grandparents on my fathers side were ancient even by this point and wouldn't have survived even smelling a light beer but still managed to hold on for dear life for another 5 years) the kids were allowed all the soda we could keep down. This was to be tested by all of us kids and I had to go to the loo more than once even before the traditional ice cream cake that was served for pudding.

The loo, it was different. It had a very harsh and distinct smell (I learned later that this was the urinal cakes. HERE WE GO!!) and my father patiently explained about the funny looking metal gutters with the odd ice (URINAL CAKES) and beer bottle caps. Well, ok. He only said "we urinate in it so don't touch it". Fair enough. I peed, washed my hands as my mother (she brings the classy side of the family) has taught me and returned to my half empty bottle of Coca Cola. As coffee was served and I was coming down from an epic sugar high, a little boy (I had NO clue who he was) - he was about 4 years old - came walking out of the loo. The boy was apparently my cousins son (on my fathers side) and still not even my parents can remember which one. She has 5.

So, the boy was walking out of the loo and smiling. Broad blue smile. His mother spotted it first. The little happy chappie was blue all over his face and hands holding and munching on blue balls (insert inappropriate comments here). It transpires that no one had told the boy that the gutter in the loo wasn't a tray of blue, icey delights. He was smiling and giggling at his newfound treats until his mother came rushing over, pushing the blue urinal cakes out of his hands, staining the fairly off white bordering tan shagcarpet blue. They then proceeded to the nearest pay phone (this was pre portable phone days) and called 999.

Don't worry guys, the proprietor managed to remove the blue stains and most of the smell from the shag and the little boy didn't mess up his elastic bow tie. Oh, ok. They boy was fine and made it back in time for Kransekage and he managed so much soda that I swear he could have flown the entire family home. But this was the day when the first baby steps were made to understand the advise

DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW

So that was my little urinal cake story and time goes on I may update again but don't hold your breath. You might get blue in the face.

Monday, July 28, 2014

She wore lemoooon

Somehow I can't get this song out of my head and now I have the yellow vinyl copy of this U2 single off Zooropa.

YouTube Video


Oh boy..

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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I can't decide

Let's all sing along

The show is here as I can't seem to embed it on my phone app

It's not easy having yourself a good time
Greasing up those bets and betters
Watching out they don't four-letter
Fuck and kiss you both at the same time
Smells-like something I've forgotten
Curled up died and now it's rotten

I'm not a gangster tonight
Don't want to be a bad guy
I'm just a loner baby
And now you're gotten in my way

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

It's a bitch convincing people to like you
If I stop now call me a quitter
If lies were cats you'd be a litter
Pleasing everyone isn't like you
Dancing jigs until I'm crippled
Slug ten drinks I won't get pickled

I've got to hand it to you
You've played by all the same rules
It takes the truth to fool me
And now you've made me angry

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride

Oh I could throw you in the lake
Or feed you poisoned birthday cake
I wont deny I'm gonna miss you when you're gone
Oh I could bury you alive
But you might crawl out with a knife
And kill me when I'm sleeping
That's why

I can't decide
Whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven
Please don't hang your head and cry
No wonder why
My heart feels dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified
Lock the doors and close the blinds
We're going for a ride


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Happy hump day

By popular demand.




Or for the more artsy crowd




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Sunday, May 18, 2014

Once Upon A Time

I grew up trying to get through the back of the wardrobe to Narnia. It was only a question of when I'd get through and become the princess of Narnia, marry a hunky prince, acquire plenty of magic and live happily ever after. Without children. Children are the plague, you see. The magic might not be all rainbows and unicorn hairs - unless they were taken by force. We all know, that if taken by force the magic is much stronger. I digress.

Only when I finally got the back of the wardrobe open, I was too old and there was nothing there. Imagine the tears and evil curses. Alas neither my tears nor my evil curses were powerful enough to get through and I had to live the quiet suburban house, being the suburban teenager doing his homework and behaving. For you, my lovely minions imagine the most magical, powerful and evil princess in all the realms being stripped of all her magic and forced to live in a town where there was no magic and knowing full well, who she is while her evil nemesis' and other pests walk around blissfully unaware of what's really going on. That's me.

Which "Once Upon A Time" Character Are You?

  1. You got: Regina
    ABC / Via new.spring.me

    You’re a no-nonsense go-getter. You believe in action over words, and you never make the same mistake twice. You’re tenacious and fiery, and you thrive in past-paced, high-stakes environments. In many ways you’re a natural-born leader, but you don’t have the time or patience for diplomacy — it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Behind all that fire and passion, you can be an excellent listener, and the few people you let into your heart stay there forever. You don’t easily forgive, but you also never abandon the people you love

 The last sappy bits, that's just to make me sound nicer than I really am but you knew that, didn't you?
 
Living in in this realm is difficult and while we don't really want the commoners to know about us sometimes it happens. A touch of squid ink, a magic bean or a heart does cause a bit of commotion. Of course all this is easily explained as is the fact that fairy tales are nothing but a Disney creation. I do shudder to think what people would think if they found out that this my favourite new thing  is really real. It's uncanny.
 
 

Monday, May 12, 2014

I was gonna cancel


 
 
Today I recieved about a million 300+ blog comment reminders because someone decided to SPAM my comment box with all sorts of nonsense. What's a guy to do? For a minute I tried looking for the disable button for the comment reminder thingy but had no luck. Then I found another way around it. You have to login in order to leave a thoughtful comment in my box. So there, take that SPAMMERS! DIE DIE DIE! Consider yourselves outsmarted by the Pete. yep!
 
After cursing about this excessive email situation I thought long and hard tee-hee about it all and also noticed that I haven't been updating since 2012 on here. Disgraceful perhaps but I kept telling myself that I had so much to do. My life an endless string of cocktail parties, shopping, a spot of work to pay for my ever growing shoe collection and whatnot. Or, being the perfect homemaker Pete Van De Kamp making her own jam from scratch and such. Turns out life hasn't been as fabulous as all that. As it turned out my new and endless love affair was with Twitter. So, there.
 
I could just delete this old thing and move on or I could get out of bed and see what's on the other side and just go, go, go, go, giiiiiiiirl!
 
Going on, giving all this old fangled blogging thing another go, what would that entail you may ask, and so do I.
 
If I were to talk about what's going on at Chez Pete, it would be something like this (yes, I like bullet points, so deal)
 
  • I finally found affordable pink Champagne that I like
  • I finally found a Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin that doesn't taste like paint stripper
  • My new shoes
  • The products I buy and never quite get around to using
  •  My odes to Netflix.com
  • What I like and don't like watching on Netflix and why
  • My new favourite things
  • Likes
  • Dislikes
  • Favourite colour
  • Why on earth I'd buy Perrier
  • My vacation plans
  • Eurovision
  • The Oscars
  • Clothes
  • Fashion
  • Shoes
  • Why I want to be the kind of person who cooks, makes jam and cleans and love it
  • My venture into learning French through the joys of audio CDs
  • Why I love vinyl records
  • Why I hate the colour orange
  • Why I hate the colour yellow
  • The number 29
  • George
  • Socks
  • and maybe even more..
Are you up for another go?