Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Liar liar pants on fire


Yikes! Everyone knows? It's all they talk about? It appears that at least the Italian swim team knows. Oh, what the hell I might as well tell the whole story.

I made it out of my original plans for New Years Eve. I'm so happy! I'm elated! Wow, that was a lot of exclamation points. Still, that's how I feel. So, it took a big fat lie. Who cares, right? No big deal, right?

I had a very good reason to do it, mind. The original, original plan was that I was going to spend New Years Eve alone. Just hanging out with myself, maybe an undisclosed special gentleman friend would pop by for a glass of bubbly and a few treats. He couldn't make it. So, I was talking to a colleague who didn't think she had anywhere to go on Thursday. I felt sorry for her and said that we could always plan something. We agreed that it was a plan but she might have a slim chance to catch up with a dear old friend. It was fine, a win-win situation for me. Either she'd be coming and we'd have a blast, or she wouldn't and I'd still have a blast alone.

This is when things went to shite.

You remember Dullface, yeah? The guy who came along on my US tour. The one who didn't like gorgonzola pasta sauce. The dull guy. Well, he asked me if I was doing anything for New Years Eve. I said that my friend (Dullface knows her too) IM would be coming, but if she was OK with him coming, he could come. I figured that if she was there, it wouldn't be a big deal and he didn't sound like he had anywhere to be. Plus he doesn't like being by himself. Odd, very odd kreacher he is. Well, she was OK with it and I told him he could come. This was alright I suppose.

This is when things became even worse.

IM told me a couple of days later, that she wouldn't be able to make it. Her friend had cleared her schedule and would be visiting IM. Now I was stuck with Dullface. The last night of 2009 stuck with Dullface. No, I was not having it.

[The Hulk as seen at Universal Studios in Los Angeles photographed by moi]

No, no! I left subtle hints but Dullface was chatting on about shopping for groceries etc. So finally, after asking a few other friends and even my parents, how to get out of it. They all agreed, there was but ONE choice.

Lie through your teeth!

So, yesterday I told him that my parents had pressured me into spending New Years Eve with them and my brother because we hadn't spent Christmas together. Of course I don't know if he bought it, and quite frankly I don't give a damn.

I'm now spending New Years Eve at home. Alone, and still hoping that a mysterious gentleman caller may call upon me for a glass of bubbly. He would be most welcome, that's for sure.

It wasn't a nice thing to do, and now Dullface has nowhere to go but it's not like he was worse off than before. Plus he might actually have an OK evening, compared to the miserable night we'd both have in each others company.

On a lighter note, I found these and thought I'd share. You know, as I'm such a huge fan of Dolce & Gabbana.


Sunday, December 27, 2009

Christmas: Attack of the sugar

Christmas came and went, and tomorrow it's back to the salt mines for 3 days while we stress about what we are doing for New Years Eve. Mine has been planned but as of a few days ago I'm trying to weasel myself out of them. Frankly, I don't want to be bored to tears on the last evening of the year. Especially since, so far (let's not jinx it), 2009 has been pretty darn great. Let's see what's going to happen. Until then, let's look back at a night I'll be remembering for years to come. Christmas Eve.

I spent the day on the sofa, lounging about, drinking wine and eating chocolates while watching movies and the Disney Christmas Show at 4pm. A major tradition not to be missed. Frankly, it isn't Christmas without the Disney Christmas Show with the snowball fight, Mickey Mouse, the Chipmunks and Pluto and the fabulous clip from Lady and the Tramp. Oh how I adore those.

It wasn't all lounging about with chocolates and Italian wine. Work was involved as I had to put dinner on the table. Before dinner got on the table though, I had to set it.


Then the real work began as I prepared the duck (not a whole duck, mind) and put it in the oven.


Then as the duck was nearing the time to get out, I had to make the candied potatoes (brune kartofler in Danish) - a dish not to be missed out. Here is how it's done.


The recipe I've been told by a colleague calls for

100 gram of sugar
100 gram of butter
1 glass of potatoes

I used a tiny bit more sugar and less butter. Some make it etirely without the butter which I suppose gives a different consistency to the caramelly goodness that sticks to the potatoes.



Put sugar into pan, and set thermostat to maximum heat. Full steam ahead! Of course, you must watch the pan at all times.



Once the sugar has melted and become a bit caramelly, you add the sugar and stir. Mix the sugary butter goodness until it's come together as a thick'ish caramelly lovelieness.



Add the potatoes, and stir a lot. Make sure that all the potatoes are covered in the sugary butter goodness. You should now turn down the heat a few notches. How many I don't know - see step Five.



Keep stirring, and turn the heat up a notch or two. Make sure to be by the pan at all times, as you don't want it burning and you don't want this



Full heat is too much. Boiling sugar is dangerous - potato or no patato. It exploded all over the place and I had melted boiling sugar and buttery goodness in my face, hair, over my arms and all over my kitchen. Including my lovely (not quite a Smeg) fridge. Quite shocking to be honest, but I managed with some cold water and baby oil. Although my face does have a bit of evidence of the evening of wine and candied potatoes.

Food was set on the table, as While You Were Sleeping started on TV. Oh how I love that movie.


I loaded my plate with food, and then remembered that I forgot to make the sauce. Oh dear.


What can you do? I decided to skip the sauce, as I rarely eat sauce anyway.

After consuming enough food to feed a small African nation, it was time for the dessert. The Cheesecake. Mmmmmmm.


Ah, the lovelieness!

Then on to wine and chocolates


And presents!


Oh yes, let's see the loot!


I finished another few movies, polished off the chocolates and another bottle of wine and went to bed.


How was your Christmas m'dearies?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

It's cooking time!

I love cooking, and the sophisticated way of baking, you know, the kind where you don't get your hands dirty. Just pop stuff into a bowl and mix it up, and into the oven. Et voíla, fabulous baked goods! Christmas is a good time for that.

First of I just want to show you my fabulous marcipan treats, that I'm giving to my parents because I made the mistake of adding fruit flavoured stuff to it, and I simply can't keep it down.


It's just one of the jollies you get around the holidays.

Now on to what's really the matter. In Denmark we celebrate Christmas on the 24th because, we all know that's the correct day. We eat candy and other goodies all day long, watch TV, stress about the duck slowly roasting in the oven and guests start invading your home. The dinner at my parents house was the traditional roast duck, pork roast with cracklings, white potatoes, brown (or candied) potatoes and red cabbage. For dessert we always had ris a la mande or rice pudding with almonds topped with warm cherry sauce on top. Nobody can make that but your own mother. That's what they say, and my mothers is famous far and wide for being the best.

Why tamper with perfection? I won't be getting into that, when I'm celebrating Christmas in my own home this year. My parents are celebrating with evil bro and his spawn of satan this year. I like doing it alone, which is why I started my own traditions. This year I'm making Christmas cheesecake. How about that! There isn't much Christmas about it except it will be consumed at Christmas. This is how you do it - it's fairly easy!


You need what you see above

½ liter of cream (for whipping not beating, because it's eggs you beat)
200 gram of Digestive biscuits
125 gram of butter
200 gram of cream cheese (no added flavours or garlic cheesecake anyone?)
1 deciliter of icing sugar
1 tablespoon of vanilla sugar



Melt butter, and while that happens you bash the Digestive biscuits. I like to put them in a bag and bash them with a rolling pin while yelling "why are you home so late?" and "were you out having fun with the guys, I'll give you FUN!". You could also mix it up, or if you don't have a rolling pin, put them in a bag and slam it against the cupboards repeatedly while yelling "go back to that tramp again, you two-timing bastard!". Or you could go diva and scream "No wire hangers EVER!". I like that last one combined with the rolling pin.



Mix the bashed Digestive biscuit into the butter and stir (simply just stir it Una) into the melted butter



Put the bashed Digestive (now with the added glory of the butter) into one of those springform pans (the ones where the sides are detachable) and store in cool place until later



Mix the cream cheese, vanilla sugar and icing sugar in a bowl. Come on everyone, say it with me - Your gravy is lumpy Pam, then simply just stir it Una! No lumps for us.


Whip the cream - where's Indy when you need him! Unlike melting butter, I'm sure you all know how to make whipped cream. You cannot use the crap from the cans.



Mix a bit of the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture. Just whisk away, this is no time to be gentle. I'm from the Nigella style of cooking where we aren't too careful about licking or whipping.

Six - continued


Fold the rest of the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture, first not so gentle, but then be more and more gentle as you add the rest. We want it to be light and airy. Like my brain when I see tinsel.

Uuuuuh! Tinsel!!

Um, where was I?

Oh yes!



Bring out the springform pan with the Digestive biscuit crust. It's cooled down a bit now. The task is now to add the cream cheesy whipped cream filling into the pan. Don't be too fussy about the look of it. It's not meant to be all neat. Make it rustic if you like.



Wrap it up, and put it in the fridge until tomorrow.

Ok, because I know you are curious, this is the rest of my fridge


Tomorrow before you consume it, you can decorate it. In the original recipe it says to add black currant jam and chopped pistachios. I however, have had much success adding French unsweetened black cherry jam on top.

My response to whatever you add?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I prefer it the way it was, without all the extras.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Help me Doctor..

I spent Friday night on the sofa watching Star Trek and of course I loved it. As much as when I watched it at the movies earlier this year. Nothing new about that, but I did have a bit of a tightness in my neck.

Then Saturday night, after spending most of the day on the sofa relaxing I decided to do what I always do when I'm not going anywhere. On a Saturday. So, I put on some Kylie music. You see, Kylie has released a new live album recorded at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York. And that's when I started dancing around the flat.

I did it all. I danced to my hearts content and oh, my (poor neighbours), I sang along. Had I been ten years younger (I'm 27 mind) I'd have sung into a hair brush. By....

Kylie - Confide In Me, Live in New York

...I was so into it, that I was THE DIVA and threw myself to the floor.

Ouch! Aw Oww..!

I naturally went on and performed the last nine songs, because I didn't want to disappoint my audience, and I never cancel. Granted, the last part of my show was a lot more subdued.

By the time, I'd say my goodbyes, received my pretend flowers and gone back to my dressing room I could hardly stand up straight. I spent the night on the floor. In tears. I couldn't sleep and I was in so much pain despite consuming an amount of painkillers that would have made Anna Nicole Smith (shot here by Ellen Von Umwerth - gorgeous!) proud.

So Sunday was spent in bed, pills and vodka by my bed. Crying like another tragic starlet who just wanted to be loved, and pain free.

Today, I was able to make it down to the doctors office. Of course they didn't have any available appointments, so I was forced to go sit there among the riff-raff who, like me, had not been able to secure an appointment.

I tell you, sitting in the waiting area at my doctors offices, is dangerous. D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S-E I tell you! Even though my doctor is one of the more upscale doctors in town. All those sick people sitting there, coughing and whatnot. I kid you not, I was surrounded by sick people. SICK people! ICK! It was gross. Thank precious, I had my sanitizing hand gel with me, or I'd definately caught something icky. People are gross. YUCK!

Anyway, I waited for a good half hour, which I'm still fairly miffed about as they should know who I am. I'm Pete (or 'Petra if you ask IDV) for gods sake! Anyway, all was forgiven as I was lucky enough to get treated by the cute doctor. He proceded to rub my back, feel me up and hug me tight for a good twenty minutes, before I was allowed to put my clothes back on.

He told me to take deep breaths as he mounted me, and I told him "it's OK, I've done this before". He smiled and said that he was sure I had.

So now I'm all better again, floating on my usual glittering, diamanté encrusted pink cloud, waiting for the soreness to go away.

E-rotic - Help Me Doctor Dick

Sunday, December 13, 2009



Time flies when you're having fun, isn't that what they say? Well..let's see

Fun - Check!
Time flies - Check!

Yup, it's true. At least for me. I've been way too busy to blog anything lately. Mostly working, but I've been going out a bit too and had a few dinner parties which was nice. Still, I suppose a blog post would have been the least I could do.

What I did do, was go to the movies with friends to watch 2012 - twice!

I know what you are thinking, why did he go twice? There really isn't one reason, there are many. By many I mean, there are these

  1. The promise of a campy disaster movie, and it was.
  2. The surprising moment where Amanda Peet (Remember Jack & Jill and Central Park West?) actually stepped up and delivered something that would have landed Kim Basinger or Julia Roberts another Oscar (because really, they didn't deserve those Oscars for their performances in those movies, did they! Let's be honest, No effing way!).
  3. Anything where they feature John Cusack as the hero who will save humanity. Really, a rubbish B actor like that. Campfest 2.0 here we come!
  4. The dodgy CGI and special effects. There are two scenes with CGI worthy of only Spiceworld or maybe Critters.
  5. The hilarious Russian accents. Especially supplied by Zlatko Buric who is acts a lot in Danish movies. Apparently we can't get enough of him, heh!
  6. The hot russian pilot Sasha played by Johann Urb

  7. Watching scenes from LA and Vegas (well they were demolished and I felt quite sad watching that) and I was all like "hey I've been there!!!"
  8. Double checking if they really didn't care about the Russian girl dying
  9. Double checking if the giraffs did poop on the Russian girl
  10. The jokes were fairly stupid and I had to double check if they really were THAT lame
  11. Found the idea behind the movie fairly interesting

All in all, it was interesting, and suprisingly not really as B-movie like as I thought it would be. Most of all I suppose Johann Urb sold it for me. Putting him in a uniform and parade around, is always a major plus. A good time was had, both times. Although it was a little long the second time.

So, how have you been?