Me thinks they might have used a bit of photoshop on this one. Great hair but girl in brown jacket needs to lay off the drugs. Look at those eyes!
Then one fatal evening I was fiddling about on the DVD rental site Lovefilm.dk and ended up putting the movie on my wishlist. As the lowest priority. You see, there are 3 priorities. Gold, silver and bronze and I figured everyone would be renting it and it would be a long while before it would end up in my mailbox. Then came the fatal email,
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Hej Pete!
Vi har netop afsendt følgende film:
Twilight
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Mange gode filmhilsner
LOVEFiLM
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OH my! So I suppose I had to watch it now. As I'm a little bemused by the situation, I thought I'd share my reactions first hand with you. Look at it like a service I do, so you don't have to watch this teenage vampire sobfest. Then again, as I haven't watched it yet, I don't know if it's really like that. Here we go...
0.00.30: Deer looks a bit dreary. Why do all vampire things start in the forrest? It's the same with the series The Vampire Diaries (although that's pretty good)
0.00.42: Oh somethings happening. Wild camera work!
0.01.22: Wow white trash alert! Bellas mother looks like white trash
0.02.09: Bellas father is a cop. He looks a bit shifty, I think he may be up to something.
0.02.56: they couldn't get a real police car, so they got a regular car. Put lights on top of it and wrote 'police' and 911 down the sides. Apparently it didn't matter if it looked authentic.
0.03.08: This'll be a long post, sorry! But I have to say, Bella just moved in with her father and now she's whining about there only being one bathroom. This is exciting stuff!
0.04.11: Wow they have native Indians or something. At least they have long hair. One is the guy who becomes a wolf I think! Charming smile.
0.05.45: Bella starts school and people laugh about her orange truck. Oh, and gay Japanese guy just walked in. Hideous hair.
0.07.06: Bella meets boy. Looks like a teenage version of Edward Norton. She hit him in the head with a volleyball and now cheery smiley girl comes over. Wonder if she's his girlfriend or something.
0.07.33: Cheery smiley girl is annoying.
0.08.48: Girls talking about Kirks olympic sized wiener and speedo padding. I might like this movie after all.
0.09.05: Meet the Cullens. The dark haired Cullen boy is cute.
0.09.59: Enter Edward - you know, THE Edward who does at least have great hair.
0.10.38: Wind machine moment, Bellas hair flying everywhere as she sees Edward sitting alone in science (or whatever class they are taking). This is ridiculous.
0.11.09: Yes, she's told to sit next to him. This is such bad acting. I'm laughing my arse off.
0.12.38: Bella meets the local characters and dad isn't talking at all.
0.14.11: Bella is annoyed that Edward Cullen ditched her in Biology (it was biology) class and he had wanted to get out of biology and she is annoyed. Everything is getting strange - whoa!
0.15.35: The first person was killed. We saw it from afar, and Bella fell on her arse. Kind of funny.
0.16.38: The dialogue really stinks.
0.17.15: Gay Japanese guy asks Bella to go to some kind of dance with him
0.17.53: It speaks! Edward Cullen speaks!
0.19.58: I wonder how much hairspray was needed to keep his hair in place like that. He has great hair.
0.20.45: Bella looks dumb
0.22.21: EXCITEMENT OVERLOAD! Car got out of control and Edward saved Bella with supernatural strength and leaves.
0.23.28: Another ghostly white Cullen. A doctor. He looks like something out of a Doctor Who episode.
0.26.13: Bella annoys me. She's so whiney and dull.
0.27.06: Edward is wearing a nice jacket.
0.28.10: How can Edward be out in the sunlight? Is it a good spf 1000 sunblock
0.32.08: Bella: "Your moodswings are giving me whiplash" - are you kidding me?!?
0.35.13: Jacob the native Indian guy with the pearly white teeth tells the dramatic story of his tribe. You know, about the whole wolf thing and the Cullens and all. It's all very mysterious now. Heh.
0.37.22: Vampire attack numero dos and Bella plays Nancy Drew.
0.41.11: Drama! Edward Cullen saves the day. Bella was almost attacked by a mob of guys with beer cans.
0.43.09: This is not a movie for me. I'm taking a break to make myself a sandwich.
0.47.25: After spending time with Edward, Bella is off reading in her new Nancy Drew book about legends of the Indian tribe
0.48.30: Bella finally figures out that Edward and the Cullens are vampires. D'OH!
0.49.36: Bella confronts Edward, and he fesses up. Camera spinning around them. This is hilarious.
0.51.43: Edward shows what he looks like in the sunlight. He shimmers like diamonds and tells her that he is the worlds most dangerous predator. Ooooooooh!
0.53.15: The dialogue is hilarious. We do, however learn that the Cullens only hunt and eat animals. No humans.
0.54.27: There is an hour left of this tripe. Kill me, kill me now!
0.55.30: It looks like they are in love and the camera is spinning around them. This is so funny.
0.57.38: Edward and Bella arrive at school, as a couple.
1.00.43: It's going to be all Meet The Parents soon. Bella is going to meet Edwards parents.
1.02.04: Jacob should really get a haircut.
1.03.02: Nice house! Very modern house Edward lives in.
1.05.15: Rosalie (Edwards sister) is pissed at Bella because she thinks that things will go wrong.
1.09.50: Edward takes Bella on a little ride up the ol'e trees in the woods. It's a little ridiculous and the camera is spinning around them again. They like doing that.
1.01.19: Apparently it's not a problem for Edward to enter a house without being asked to come in. I thought that was a whole vampire thing.
1.15.24: Passionate kissing scene Bella and Edward. Oh oh and Edward gets all whiney again and can't lose control with her. So they just talk. Oh and the camera moves around them.
1.17.45: Bellas father hates Edward, or at least that's what it looks like.
1.19.22: You know, in Harry Potter there are those Quiddich matches in bad weather? Well the Cullens play baseball.
1.20.45: Here comes the killer vampires! Maybe it'll be interesting.
1.21.42: Black dreadlock bad vampire looks fit. His name is Laurent.
1.23.36: Excitement fizzled out fairly quickly. Like the rest of the movie.
1.25.27: Bella is packing and leaving while bad vampire blond longhaired fella James is outside watching.
1.25.45: The beginning of the end of the beginning is starting now.
1.32.12: Bella has a skanky Nokia mobile but now it's supposed to become exciting.
1.34.00: The bad blonde longhaired vampire tricked Bella into a ballet studio and he is so ridiculous. The whole thing is so excrusiatingly bad.
1.35.41: At least there is a fight scene. Even if the dialogue and the story behind it sucks.
1.36.14: Somehow I got Kylies track Fever in my head "I was bitten by the bug and now I'm coming down with oh, something that can't be cured"
1.37.37: Oh, the drama!
1.42.22: Bella and Edward are going to prom together. He looks nice in his suit.
1.43.22: Jacob seriously has hair issues.
1.45.29: The romantic dancing scene. *waits for the camera to spin arou....* Oh there it is!
1.46.25: I wish Bella becomes a psychotic vampire killing machine
1.47.34: It's got to end now. Please!
1.48.34: Finally!! End credits.
So this wasn't my kind of thing. It was fairly ridiculous and unless they take the speed up a notch or fifty and force the actors to take lessons, the sequel promises to be no better.
Thank you for your time.
God, I thought that film was fair to middling when I was MADE TO SEE IT AT THE CINEMA, but now I just had it. There is no way on Earth I will ever again be associated with anything to do with the Twilight saga.
ReplyDeleteGlad you disliked it too.
Hah! Glad I didn't have to endure it at the cinema. I think I would have walked out.
ReplyDeleteThough you'll be pleased that you'll be updated on the progress of the acting skills and if Bella will finally look remotely more competent in the sequel.
So you don't have to watch it yourself. Oh by the way, who forced you to watch it?
Dear Pete,
ReplyDeleteThe Only Vampire Movie that I have watched was "Interview with the Vampire" with messers Cruise Pitt and Banderras. Oh and a fantastic performance from a very young Kirsten Dunst.
Again I had read the books by Anne Rice and was impressed by how well the film followed the storyline
My dearest Princess
ReplyDeleteI haven't watched Interview with the Vampire. I hear it's great though. My friend is obsessed with the Anne Rice books, but I doubt they will appeal to me. The blood and all that kind of irks me.
Many years ago I watched the Dracula movie, and it was good. However, the blood thing really got to me. That's why I like The Vampire Diaries I suppose, because it's a PG rated vampire thing where something actually happens and the motives behind it aren't out of some 6 year olds imagination.
Or maybe it's the soapy quality.
0.22.21: EXCITEMENT OVERLOAD!
ReplyDeleteDid you wet yourself?
No, sadly it wasn't THAT exciting. I just thought it was going to be, but then it got back to the dreary story.
ReplyDeleteI still haven't seen this movie--I much rather prefer Angel and Buffy, The Vampire Slayer when it comes to vampire entertainment.
ReplyDeleteI just remember that dude from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Ann Rice's vampire books aren't really gory; you might like them. Although, the way she writes out her books makes me highly suspicious that those vampires were gay. I do know that her other works are very explicit porn like material!
I liked Buffy a lot.
ReplyDeleteThe dude was in the Harry Potter movie, and he did look fairly good in it. I'm sure he'll turn into a sexy piece of mancandy once he turns 21.
Hmmmm. Gay vampire porn? That does sound interesting. Maybe I should try it out sometime.
[url=http://www.ile-maurice.com/forum/members/wetter-vorhersage.html][b]kachelmann wetter[/b][/url]
ReplyDelete[url=http://www.ile-maurice.com/forum/members/wetter-vorhersage.html][b]erik wetter[b][/url]
Uhm I'm not checking that out. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteGood I prejudged this movie and sounds like I was right :-)
ReplyDeleteMy mate Jo. She made me buy her the books for Christmas too.
ReplyDeleteBeastie: Absolutely. It is indeed an awful movie. Can't see what all those people see in it.
ReplyDeleteTim: I think best mate Jo needs a timeout or something. I do however hope books are better than the movies. How could they not be, I ask.
I put my thoughts on Twilight up on my blog. Quite interesting some of the replies.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you've still not managed to convince me that it would be worth wasting my time for.
A 90 year old vampire who goes to school? Not sexy. Really not.
Buffy & Angel, sexy. Interview with a Vampire, scary. Bram Stoker's Dracula, porn. Twilight? Snooze fest.