Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession
The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.
I was lying, naked, on my back on my dirty kitchen floor last Monday. I just couldn't stand up. It turns out, it was a lot more traumatizing than first expected. In the moment I was sort of laughing in that maniacal way that one does when you are doing it to sort of cover up the trauma of it all. However it covered up something else that keeps haunting me now.
I've survived the flu many times on my own. Walked to the supermarket with a high fever and such, holding on to buildings so as not to faint or fall over. Flu I can handle, but this back issue is a whole other issue. Now I, like Samantha am turning into Charlotte.
I need a man. Someone that I can love and support, and who will do the same for me. Do you know anyone?
They don't *have* to look like this, but it certainly wouldn't hurt.
The thing is, I'm really tired of my parents, especially my mother. You see, I told them of my issue and they came running. My mother, not being satisfied with the standard of cleaning, then started to vacuum around me, still on the floor HELLO!?! and then once my doctor had been to my flat, and I was up off the floor, washed the floor. Then cleaned the kitchen and basically hasn't stopped. They come running ALL the time and it's very stressful. I told them to stay away, and give me space but it's not working and I can't keep them out.
It would all be very easy if I had a boyfriend, who could help me out a bit. However I'm all alone here.
In other news, I am scheduled for an xray of my back on Wednesday and then we'll see what happens then. The situation has improved though and the lovely pills are working their magic. I just wish I could go to the ice cream truck
It didn't happen that though. I was picking up something from the backseat of a car, bending over just a tiny bit. That's when it happened. A shooting pain in the small of my back and I could hardly walk. It took me 20 minutes to walk across the parking lot and up to my appartment on the second floor. So all I did was take a few aspirin and then I went to bed thinking it would be better in the morning.
At 4am I woke up needing to pee. So I tried getting out of bed. That proved to be quite difficult and very painful. I ended up on the floor crying from the pain and for not bringing my trusty iPhone with me. It was still by the headboard.
Anyway, I decided trying to stand up and stagger to the loo. It proved impossible. I got shooting pains and back spasms when I lifted my body off the floor. So I spent the next 2 hours crawling from my bedroom (over the doorsteps - ouch) and into the bathroom again attempting to get up. It just wouldn't happen. So, I slid on my back to the kitchen and spent a good 30 minutes getting the aspirins off the kitchen counter and a glass of water by raising just enough off the floor to get it one step at a time. Work through the pain, I told myself.
It was tragic comic of sorts because by 7 I still hadn't gotten up. So I slid back into my bedroom and spent 30 minutes getting my iPhone from my bed by using hangers and other items I had convieniently left on the floor. Then I called my boss and told him the situation and sent a text to a colleague of mine.
At 8am I called the doctor
and he didn't know quite what to do with me. I pleaded and he made some suggestions, and told me to call back later if it didn't work. It didn't. So he decided to make a house call. Let me just say, I have a pretty hot doctor man! Wow! Not bad, at all. So he was going to perscribe something for me
I got the good drugs! He gave me 4 morphine tablets and perscribed some other pills for me. He also helped me get up, and I could then go to the loo. Which was lovely, because it was noon. He was lovely and told me to stay home from work and come into his office on Thursday (tomorrow) to hear what's going to happen. He thinks it's a cracked disc in my back. However it could be a slipped disc. That would be a nightmare though. I'm not sure how I could deal with that.
Anyway I've spent the past few days on my back, with the TV on and playing with my iPhone. Especially bejeweled Blitz for iPhone and of course the new discovery from yesterday Angry Birds
Right now, I'm on my side typing on my laptop which is not very comfortable. I need my pill, and then I'm off to bed haunted by this
I was looking for a photo earlier on my old blog and now feel like I've become really boring. That was never my intention.
Or for that matter to be posting so rarely. I guess I just lost my blogging mojo.
Anyway, I went to my fathers birthday party the other day. He turned 66 or 67 or something like that. The actual number never came up, so I guess I have something in common with my father afterall.
My evil bro was also at the party. It was actually more of a dinner for a very select group of people, rather than a party because my father doesn't like being the center of attention. Well, my parents were not only taking care of their own dog
but also my cousins dog Gizmo
This became quite the discussion of the night because from the moment I entered the front door to the moment I left, both dogs were competing for my affection. Since my parents were playing favorites to their own, I of course decided to spend time with Gizmo. Out of defiance mostly, but also because Gizmo reminds me of a stuffed animal I had as a boy.
As I tried to divide my attention to both dogs equally I noticed the surly expressions on my parents dog and it wasn't pretty. Not long after they were taking turns trying to mount each other as dogs do. I'm told. Showing who has the power to dominate. It wasn't pretty.
After my evil bro came, the trash talking of Gizmo got worse, because evil bro hates that dog. Not because it's evil, or bites or anything like that. While my parents called Gizmo chunky and such, evil bro called him ugly, smelly and stupid. Granted, Gizmo doesn't know how to play. He just looked at you with a puzzled half bored expression on his face, and he doesn't look attentive if you mention his name. He just has the look of sheer boredom on his face, like he is beyond it all. I liked that.
Gizmo was certainly beyond all of them.
Of course this led to a long discussion in which evil bro and I expressed things we weren't agreeing on. There were many. To my surprise, we ended up having more in common than I thought
1. We both have, and LOVE our iPhones 2. None of us like relish 3. We both watch Sex & the City 4. We both watch Desperate Housewives 5. We both cast our votes at the same political party 6. None of us like Dullface 7. We both like The Pet Shop Boys 8. we both find Sarah Jessica Parker to be one of the ugliest, overrated actors out there and if she were our horse, we'd have sent her to the glue factory YEARS ago
It was fairly shocking. For a moment there, I started having inner struggles
Then he started praising the movie Failure To Launch and all was right with the world again.
What a shit movie! Matthew McHotnessConaghey and Sarah Jessica Parker has worse on screen chemistry than Hitler and Ghandi would have had, if they were to have a torrid on screen love affair. The movie was just trash. Some movies are so bad, that they are good. This was so bad, that it was unredeemably bad.
Also, is it all straight men, that only talk about girls and how little they wear in certain movies or is it just my evil bro? I find it quite nasty and tiresome to listen to.
*(yes I'm stealing IDVs thing here, I'm running out of ideas people! HELP!!!) The movie Sibling Rivalry from 1990 starring Scott Bakula, Kirstie Alley and Carrie Fisher in which Kirstie Alley accidently has a one night stand with her brother in law. Very amusing.
