Covet

Oh yes, oh yes. Come back on March 5th

THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!

It won't be long now......

breath!

Check back on March 5th. But I sure hope you'll keep coming back before that.

Flashing for fashion

It's that time of year again - the biggest runway of the season. The Academy Awards was last night. Did you watch it? I planned ahead, threw tantrums and managed to get today off so I could sit up all night to watch it, eat cake, drink Pierre Ponnelle, crisps, fine foods and be entertained by the glitz and glamour that is the Oscars. Every year there are horrid dresses on the red carpet - do we all remember this?

Mrs. Potatosack and Fergie

But that was last year. This year the stars were playing it really safe. With the economic climate they simply couldn't afford to end up on the worst dressed list. Still, there were a few stars who ended up looking tragic. As always ABC rolled out the big guns (hah!) with Michelle Tuzee and Randolph Duke commenting on the gowns. I have no idea what right Michelle Tuzee has to comment on how the stars dress when she always ends up in some tragic Randolph Duke creation. Randolph Duke himself gets scarier and scarier every year. It seems like he ends up looking younger every year and his teeth whiter. Bizarre and fascinating in the can't stop watching a car crash kind of way. It's hilarious. He always says something slightly complimentary with no substance at all. He did however have comments on Hannah Montana and Gabriella Montez (Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens) who he thought looked 'too old' in the dresses. He also kept saying how some of the stars posed and others didn't. After the millionth mention I think we got it. Thank you.

This is not just about Randolph Duke though. Thankfully I didn't see any of his creations on the red carpet. We start with two of my favorites.

The gorgeous



The first one is Academy Award Nominee (she was robbed!) Anne Hathaway looking gorgeous as ever in a paillette laden Armani Prive gown.
The second is Amy Adams in a fabulous red Carolina Herrera gown. She's wearing a big sparkly and colourful necklace that I'm not so keen on but she's so lovely.

The Royal



Melissa Leo - another Academy Award nominee looking like a youngish Camilla Parker-Bowles in this hideous brown Badgley Mischka dress. We know that brown is in fashion now but you have to be really careful with it or you'll look like a big poo. I think we saw a shorter version of this dress in burgundy last year or the year before. No thank you, bad horsey!

Tits on parade



John Legend wore Prada and his girlfriend Christine Teigen in a Julia Clancey parading her tits around. A little inappropriate for the Oscars if you ask me. If it wasn't for the boobage the dress wouldn't have been very memorable. I'm not feeling the colour but at least it's not red, white or black.

Sarah Jessica Parker and a very old looking Matthew Broderick. SJP is wearing a Dior gown with a belt around her waist. Not that you notice at first glance because they clearly underestimated the size of her ugly tits. She's quite obviously spilling out and she should really start reinventing herself because the fairytale princess look is getting old. Or she's getting too old for it. Whatever.

Young is the new old



Miley Cyrus looking like a Christmas decoration or cake in this Zuhair Murad dress. Notice how she tried to be trendy with the belt with the seashells. It's not working. The dress is hideous in my humble opinion. She does look too 'old' considering her age. Then again we can't compare her to Amy Adams and Anne Hathaway - they are in a league of their own.

Zach Efron has hair issues, but the Dolce Gabbana suit is lovely. Vanessa looks like she's trying too hard in this black Marchesa gown. It might have worked on someone else but it's a big mess on her.

The veterans



Sophia Loren can do anything - I don't care. She can wear the most insane yellow/orange Armani gown and get as many facelifts as she wants. She's still fabulous. Bless her!

Meryl Streep looks fantastic in this gray off the shoulder custom made Alberta Ferretti gown. She knows what she's doing. Notice how her upper arms are covered. You won't be able to see her bingowings flapping in the breeze or that bit of fat around the armpit - and she surely has both. Meryl Streep is classy.

Acceptable in the 80s



Evan Rachel Wood wears a nice Elie Saab gown - the colour is a little boring though. Her makeup and hair is looking a little to 1980s Madonna to me.

Mickey Rourke should have been sent home to change. Some are saying how he has great personal style but somehow I don't think there is much style about being a bowlegged 1980s hasbeen who got another 15 minutes of fame. It's an insult to the awards.

Red, White and Blue



Virginia Madsen in a red one shoulder gown by Kevan Hall. Gorgeous.

Nancy O'Dell in a one shoulder gown by Pamela Rolland. I think we've seen this before, possibly in a different colour. Red?

Frieda Pinto and Dev Patel. Frieda Pinto is wearing a blue John Galliano gown. I'm not sure I like the colour. It's a little 80s but she pulls it off beautifully.

Melissa George in a white Dolce Gabbana gown. I love Dolce Gabbana but I'm not sure I like this one. Maybe it's because she doesn't look comfortable in it. Or maybe it's boob area that isn't working.

Black is the new Black



Josh Brolin and Diane Lane looking very good together. Diane Lane looks stunning in this black gown.

Jennifer Grey wearing a black Dolce Gabbana gown. It's very nice but she's not taking any chances unlike when she had her nose done.

Anthony Hopkins and Stella Arroyave. He's still got it, hasn't he? I'm not liking her dress.
Michael Sheen with his wife, I'm assuming. I like what I see.

The contenders



Academy Award nominee Viola Davis looking stunning in a Reem Akra gown.

Academy Award nominee Taraji P. Henson looking stunning in a white tiered Roberto Cavalli gown with Fred Leighton jewels. I don't like the necklace but everything else is perfect.

The wannabees





Beyonce looking tragic in this hideous gown from her own House of Dereon Couture. I think it's time she disappeared back under the rock she came from. Hideous!

Lisa Rinna and Joey Fatone were also there. I wonder why. Lisa Rinna wore a Gustavo Cadile gown and her hair looks insane.

Speaking of why are they there. Mario Lopez of Saved by the Bell fame was there. Next year they'll invite Screech.

Seal and Heidi Klum were there too. Heidi Klum wore a Roland Mouret gown. It's adventurous but I'm not liking it. I would say it's always a bit of a hit or miss with her, but honestly I think she's more miss than hit.

Colours



Natalie Portman in a gown by Rodarte. She's so skinny, but she still looks great.

Alicia Keys in an Armani Prive gown. I hate to admit that she looks great, but she does. The slit might be a little much though.

S for Style or Swinton




Tilda Swinton might not be the prettiest woman in the world. She may not always dress well but this year she's looking very couture in this beige draped bluse and black satin skirt both by Lavin.

The Winners



I don't like Penelope Cruz, it doesn't help that she said she had worn this vintage Pierre Balmain gown before. It' just not to my taste, but very fitting that she won wearing a vintage gown. This certainly won't hurt her career. Try to find something else for next year.

Nicole Kidman looked stunning in a L'Wren Scott feather and beaded gown. She always manages to look fabulous.

Halle Berry in a black and gold beaded Marchesa gown. At first I thought it looked good on her. However on further inspection I'm not liking it. She could and should have done a lot better.

Marion Cotillard in this hideous tulle extravanganza from Dior.

Kate Winslet is a gorgeous woman. Her face, her hair it's divine. Yet she wore a dreadful Atelier Yves Saint Laurent by Stefano Pilati.

Reese Witherspoon is wearing a vintage Christian Dior gown. I don't like it. It doesn't look good on her.

The Queen



She looks wonderful, in this one shoulder gown by Georges Chakra. I adore Queen Latifah.

The napkins



Marissa Tomei in an interesting Versace creation. If it wasn't for the poorly executed bust it would have been a fabulous gown. It does look a lot like it was pieced together by satin napkins. Apparently the gown didn't arrive until the morning of the Academy Awards. Bless her for waiting.

Jessica Biel in Prada. It looks like a hideous mess.

The power couple



Brad Pitt in a Tom Ford tux and Angelina Jolie looking like Morticia Addams in an Elie Saab gown.

Why is Angelina Jolie laughing?

Brad: I think I have a shot at the Oscar tonight, I can feel it!
Angelina: Hahaha yeah right!
Brad: Honest
Angelina: Hahahahahahaha that's the best joke I've heard all year. Keep dreaming pretty boy

The political couple



I hope that's father and son though. Bless him for winning though.

That's it! It's all over until next year. I leave you with a picture of the wonderful and very dashing host Hugh Jackman. I hope he does it again next year.

What to wear to the Oscars?

When picking out an outfit for any occation you pick the shoes first and everything else comes together. You look through your shoe closet or go shoe shopping and then everything is fine. Despite credit crunches and talks of financial responsibility we still need a bit of extravagance. I'm sure you'll all agree. So like when I was attending an MJ extravaganza in Canada I had to go find new shoes. I managed to get my hands on these babies.

The Valentino Jeweled Bow d'Orsay. Isn't it just divine? When that's taken care of the rest all comes to you. So keep your eyes on the red carpet tonight!

Despite the financial situation I'm sure we'll see a lot of fabulous outfits. I know mine will be vintage. Possibly Givenchy.

Book update

My Valentines day/evening went fairly well. I didn't have anything planned as it's not a big deal in Denmark. In fact it's a fairly recent development brought on by flower shops. Truth be told I have never been on a date on Valentines day so it was nothing new when I was trying to figure out how to pass the time. Finally I decided to read a book, but which one? That proved difficult as I was reading two at the time. Eventually I opted for a third book, the following book.




My Fair Captain by J. L. Langley. Afterall it was Valentines day and you need a bit of romance and "explicit sex, graphic langyage, violence and hot nekkid man-love" as it promises on the back. It did exactly what it said on the tin (or back cover) and the cover is quite delightful.

Naturally I picked the book from the photo on the cover and because I'd read another book by the same author called The Tin Star. A book I enjoyed quite a bit, even if I was initially shocked that it was gay erotica. This time I was very aware of the fact.

The story was surprisingly well put together and mixed sort of mediaeval stuff with sci-fi elements and although the plot wasn't successfully wrapped up at the end it was still a good read. The sexual tension between the two main characters was very good but ultimately it turned into some sort of daddy thing and I'm not into that. Fisting was mentioned once, but thank god it was never described in any way. I almost dropped my cup of tea. Still it was a good book and it shows that there is more to J. L. Langley than hot cowboy lovin (although there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with that).

In the end my special gentleman friend came over and I had to take a break from the book. He laughed at my choice of book but after showing him a few passages he became inspired.



The other book I finished was a book I started sometime around Autumn of last year. Which is a little bit embarrassing, taking that long to finish a book. Mostly if it takes me THAT long to finish it, chances are I never will. That would have been a shame because it really is a good book.



The book is Wyrd Sisters by Terry Pratchett and I started reading it because it was recommended by our very own Queen of the Ringlets and witch IDV. He had told me to read the book Mort also by Terry Pratchett and I did that last year. I loved that so much, so imagine my expectations of Wyrd Sisters.

The book is extremely well written, funny, well though out, and the story is great. The characters are fabulous and I especially loved the cameos by Death. He is my favorite character in the Discworld (or does he live there? I can't remember).

Anyway I enjoyed the book a lot, although it did disappoint a little bit after having read Mort - which was a lot better if you ask me. I want more Death and Granny Weatherwax.

Those were the books I've managed to finish until now so I'm well ahead of my goal. I just can't help being disappointed that I didn't win MJs Big Penis book. That would have made a lovely entry.

Happy valentines day

'Petra down the rabbit hole

Like everyone I've had my share of ups and downs over the years. Since the world obviously revolves around me, I think I had more downs than most. That's not the case, there a lot of people out there that are and/or have been far worse off than me. Still when things aren't going your way - for some time, you start to think the universe is against you. I should explain.

Through most of my childhood and up until only about 5 years ago I was very unlucky. I couldn't get a proper job, couldn't get an internship, was fairly poor and spent a summer as a janitor painting radiators in classrooms just to make a little bit of money so I could keep my flat. It wasn't a good time, and before that I had other stuff going on. Then about 5 years ago things changed. I remember the night before everything turned right like it was last night. Odd, as I tend to forget things easiely. Where am I going with this? I'm being vague, which is because the story isn't really about all my downs. That's for another time.

I was out of work at the time after having managed to not quit my internship and finished after two years with good recommendations and decent grades. Still, I'd not secured a job. That's where one of my friends came in. He asked me to give him an application and a CV so he could give it to his boss. They were looking for someone and even though the job was dull and only a temporary position it was better than nothing. Three days later I had been to an interview and was hired. I started four days later and they hired me permanently. Anyway the night after the interview I did something embarrassing and pathetic. I don't remember ever praying since I was around ten and was faking it with my parents. My promise was, that if I got that job I would give up ever falling in love. So far the large in charge has kept his promise. I've still got a job, and I haven't been in love.

My first job in the company was checking signatures and sending money to car dealerships. I was in that team for 2 years. Then I was encouraged to apply for another position doing almost the same thing but with more responsibilities in a company they owned. I applied and got the job. I was there for 1½ and then that company was absorbed and dissolved. My colleagues and I were divided and set in different teams and I was the remnants of the old company doing all those bits and approving car loans. I had no idea what I was doing and the pressure was getting to me. My former boss then came to me and offered me the job I have now in Copenhagen. We do boat loans and I take care of the administrative bits of that.

So for the past five years it's been more ups than anything. To be honest I couldn't have been happier about the direction my career has taken but I would have never guessed it would lead me here. Even my personal life hasn't been bad. I've got some great friends, albeit most of them are very far away now we do see each other and talk a lot.

Then in late November I was back at the main office on the day of the company Christmas party and we got an email. Someone from the debt recovery team quit her job to do something rather. I read the email thinking "good for her" and that was it. At the party that night I was placed opposite one of the girls from that team and she said she thought I should apply for the job. I said no, I was happy where I was and all that. She kept insisting but I still said no. I had no plans to change jobs.

Over the next week I thought more and more about my current job and life. My job wasn't really all that fantastic but I love living in Copenhagen. Yet I ended up calling the teamleader and once I started talking I couldn't stop. She said yes and no when appropriate and thanked me for the interest I'd shown. Later that day I wrote her an email applying for the job.

A week later the job description was officially posted within the company and I waited. And waited. And waited. Then I got an email from the department manager who wanted to let me know they hadn't forgotten me but they had to post the job officially within the bank corp.

He asked me to call him because he would like to talk to me about it. So I called him and we talked for a good half hour. His problem apart from having to post the job officially was that I'd gotten rave reviews by my current boss and he didn't think the team would last long without me as my colleagues are administravely challenged. They had to take that into account and because of this there was a chance I wouldn't get the job. At least he was honest, I thought, and braced myself for the worst.

Then one day I got an email from the guy asking me to call him because they were ready to talk. I was reminded of a salary clause I'd signed upon taking my current job (I hate clauses! but I love YOU Santa, I really do!) and that would come into effect if I took the job. Oh well, what's £600 before tax per month anyway. I said yes, we then had a meeting at the main office with all my colleagues, the news was announced and I was happy. So was my new team, which I'm joining on March 16.

I've got a new flat, cancelled the rental agreement on my current flat, my old doctor wants to take me back and everything is running smooth. My friend has invited me - all expenses paid to London to see the old hag Madonna pretend she's 20 still this summer and in August I'm going to America for 3 weeks with another friend (I'm paying my own way on that last trip).

Suddenly I'm finding myself on this wave and it feels good but it's also quite dangerous at the same time so I'm trying to look kool and graceful while I'm doing this knowing full well I could tumble under this any minute. Why it's going so well I don't know, maybe I've started trusting my instincts.

Because instinct is always right. Right?

Monkey Man

It's my sincere pleasure to introduce Monkey Man by The Wiggles and Miss Kylie Minogue