Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Prophecy II

And I saw The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts rising out of the hedge
And a blasphemous name upon its back
And The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts that I saw were green
Their waistband red
And their legs had bells upon their ends
And to it the wearer gave his power
And the whole earth followed The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts with wonder

And they worshipped The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts saying
"Who is like the wearer of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts and who can fight against the wearer of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts ?"
And they opened their mouthes to utter blasphemous words against their wearer.

They were allowed to make war on the wearer and to conquer
And authority was given them over every tribe
And a people and tongue and nation
And all who dwell on earth could worship The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts in vain
If anyone has a blog let them read the captions
If anyone who makes the winning caption
Then he or she must wear them


Come back again tomorrow of course on Thursday

Monday, March 30, 2009

Prophecy I

Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy
And blessed are those who hear
And who keep what is written therein
For the time is near
They is coming with the clouds
And every eye will see them
Everyone who pierced them
And all the tribes of the earth will wail on account of them

Those of you who have not learned what some call the deep things of Satan
I know your works, I know your toil, and your patient endurance
And how you cannot hear evil men
But have tested those who call themselves former winners of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts
but are not.
And found them to be false
I know that you are enduring patiently
And bearing out
For their namesake
And you have not grown weary
but I have this against you
that you have abandoned the love you had for The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts


Come back again tomorrow and Wednesday and of course on Thursday

Sunday, March 29, 2009


Apologies for not being able to post the results of

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition

Before we get to that though, I'd like to tell you all a story from the real world. The world of my Internet supplier. You see, I called them a month ago to tell them that I was moving. The guy typed my new address into his system, made a note of what I wanted done. I wanted the large cable tv pack and my 12mbit connection moved to my new address. He assured me everything was fine and that it would work on Monday, March 16 at the latest. I was happy and we said our goodbyes. This is when I mention that I've moved twice before and everything worked like a charm both times.

The move itself is a post for another time because that was quite traumatic and the issue isn't settled yet. Anyway, I found an envelope from Yousee - my Internet supplier in my mailbox saying that they'd registered my order. This is when everything went downhill. They'd registrered it to the wrong appartment and floor. So I called them (waiting in a telephone queue for about 20 minutes) and told them my issue. The Stupid Customer Service Monkey (hereafter known as SCSM) apologised and changed it while I was on the phone. I was pleased and we hung up.

Well, on the 18th it still wasn't working so I called the SCSM again, only to talk to someone else who could say that the order was placed as a standard order meaning I wouldn't have Internet or cable tv until the 30th. I told them it wasn't acceptable, and SCSM didn't know what to do. A few choice words later he cancelled my order and placed it, while I was on the line, as a priority order. I asked how long it would take until it would work before the weekend. The cable tv started working Saturday, yet still no Internet.

Monday the 23rd I called first thing, speaking again to SCSM who couldn't say what was wrong. He said it was supposed to work and that I had to speak to someone in the technical support department so he transferred me. I had the pleasure of a girl who politely told me to turn on my cable modem because it was offline. I told her, politely, that my cable modem was turned on already and that it had been for the past week. She said that she'd send out a technician to have a look and he would call me within a few days time.

The technician called Tuesday and we agreed that he would come by that same day at noon. He promised to call ten minutes before he was at the address so I'd have someone let him in. At noon he called and said he was ten minutes from my address - in Copenhagen! I politely told him I had moved, he laughed and said he doubted he was allowed to drive all the way across the country to visit me. He said he'd call Yousee to tell them and I said I would too.

Furious Pete (that's me) called Yousee and said a few choice words, they were useless of course saying they didn't know how he'd gotten my old address because my new address was the only one they had on file. They would however send out a new technician to my new address and he would call me. They couldn't say when. In the end he came by on Friday and fixed everything. It took less than five minutes.

Now, I'm expecting two bills for the technicians. If they bill me I'll spontaniously combust, but look out for the mushroom cloud.

By the way, about The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition the date has been cast in stone.

The winner will be announced on Thursday April 2nd.

But come back for more every day until then - I'll make it worth your while.


Friday, March 20, 2009

Dare to wear

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts


EDIT: delay due to lack of Internet. The winner will be announced on SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. Apologies.
So come back bitches!

Thursday, March 05, 2009

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition

Behold the moment you've all been waiting for

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Competition!

A cleaver girl once said, 'it's never too late' and since nothing lasts forever I suppose I must pass on the pleasure of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. For the rules look in the post below and for the history of these Freakin' Green Elf Shorts go here



Now please leave your captions here. For the rules, see the next post down

The competition closes at midnight CET on Friday, March 13th

On your knees and read the rules! NOW!

At last! Here’s your chance to enter The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Though it pains me to remove them from my head, the time has come for the thoroughly stained Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts to move on to their next foster home.

“What do I have to do to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?” you ask.

Take a long, hard look at the photo above of CyberPete (that's me) wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.Create a caption.Post your caption in the comments section.I’ll choose my favourite caption and post the winner’s name.

“May I enter more than once?”

Enter as many captions as you wish, as often as you like.

“What happens if I win?”

If you’re chosen as the lucky winner, I’ll send The Shorts to you. If you’re in another country, I’ll also send you a souvenir of my country, Denmark, along with The Shorts. Bonus!Then it’s your turn to take a photograph of yourself wearing The Shorts and post it on your blog.

“I don’t have a blog or a website. Can I still enter?”

No. You’re shite out of luck. Set yourself up with a blog because if you win, you must post a pic of yourself wearing The Shorts. We all want to see you make a fool of yourself like the previous winners have all done.

“If I send you my credit card number and access to my bank account, will you declare me the winner?”

Bribery will not (maybe, I do need new designer shoes! I have Paypal) be tolerated. So far I have received bribes involving wads of cash, and offers of sexual favours. Grovelling and begging is looked upon favourably but will not win you The Shorts.

“How long do I have to enter?”

The competition closes at midnight CET on Friday, March 13th.The winner will be announced sometime after that at whatever time I get around to it.

“What if I don’t want to win The Shorts but I want to tell you how stupid you look in The Shorts?”

If you don’t want to win The Shorts you can still leave a comment. Just be sure to let me know it’s a comment and not a caption.

“Are those stains removable?”

No amount of scrubbing will remove the stains.And why would you want to?

“Will you wash The Shorts before you send them to me?"

Again, why would you want me to?“I’m new here. What’s this all about?”If you’re wondering what this competition is all about, read The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts.

"Where have The Shorts been before me?"


Wednesday, March 04, 2009





Monday, March 02, 2009



Come back on March 5th


You know you want to.