Not so live blogging: Golden Globes 2010

The all too fabulous Dinah did a great live blogging post on the Golden Globes this year. So, you might say it's already been covered - and fabulously so - and why bother. The reason why I've decided to do it as well, is that I'm thinking I might have a different take on the show. Plus I love, love, love award shows. If all the award shows were transmitted live on Danish tv, I'd be up at all hours of the night watching them all. Champagne in hand of course, and the devil may care attitude towards perhaps being positively knackered at work the next morning. Of course they are not, so it's just one day off I must plan in advance. For the Oscars.

This, however is about the Golden Globes. Let the games begin.

1. Show opens, and Ricky Gervais comes out all sweaty looking. They should have put ventilation in that suit of his. Is he nervous or constipated?
2. The stage is all salmon coloured with a bit of silver glitter. It looks like something the Golden Girls would have picked out.
3. Cosmetic surgery jokes, that's very original isn't it? No?
4. Morgan Freeman looks bored at penis jokes. Either they really weren't funny, or he's forgotten his hearing aid. He's gotten really old though, hasn't he. Wow.
5. The camera work is awful, oh there was Sandra Bullock! She is pretty.
6. Oh, Ricky Gervais drinks beer? On screen? Is that allowed in the US?
7. Nicole Kidman is missing a nipple, and George Clooney looks so good. Love him.
8. Massive emerald ear rings on Julianne Moore. Love her, she's so pretty.
9. Note to all heavy women out there: If you are heavy, you shouldn't wear a coursage dress. You'll look whale'ish
10. Awww. Mo'Nique makes me cry.
11. Matthew Fox has gotten a lot less foxy. Such a bad wig on him.
12. Toni Collette won wearing a very sparkly dress. She's come a long way since Muriel's Wedding
13. Uh, Lauren Graham in pink. We love her!
14. Is Lost still on? Wow.
15. Neil Patrick Harris looks cute.
16. Fergie looks more alien that ever, and Josh Duhamel not as sexy as he used to. She must have sucked all the life force and beauty out of him. Greedy bitch.
17. The man accepting the Golden Globe for UP was so happy. Loved that.
18. Kate Hudson annoys me. She's presenting the movie Nine. Her dress is nice, but shouldn't have been white. It IS a wedding dress. She's off to Vegas after the show.
19. Ricky Gervais is back. Go away.
20. Willian H. Macy looks so old. His wife Felicity Huffman looks like she could be his daughter. She looks pretty.
21. Tom Hanks looks fat and ugly. What happened there? I think it might have been The Polar Express?
22. Unless Michael C. Hall is sick, he should take off that hat. It's not appropriate.
23. January Jones...What kind of name is that?
24. We like The Good Wife. She's pretty. Not sure I like the dress though.
25. Calista Flockhart still weighs 10 pounds. Someone should force feed her lard.
26. Harrison Ford sounds so bored. Either that, or he's on whatever Anna Nicole was on.
27. Cher looks fairly well for her age. Cosmetic surgery much?
28. It's been a while since we've seen Jake Gyllenhall hasn't it?
29. I don't like Sir Paul McCartney. I really don't.
30. I think it's confirmed. Amy Adams is preggo.
31. Glittery loofa alarm! Drew Barrymore, Liberace called. He want's his loofas back.
32. Tom Hanks joke tanked. That was funny, not his joke, the joke tanking.
33. Colin Farrell still looks cute.
34. Julia Robers and her massive lips - hey Joools, Agelina called she wants her lips back! looks fairly bland with her blonde hair.
35. Meryl Streep won for Julie & Julia. I want to watch that. I actually planned to watch it in LA but I couldn't make it because I had planned to meet with Dullface at a specific time.
36. Meryl is one classy lady, but shut up about the politics and charity thing.
37. Sandra Bullock looked like she was crying during that speech. I don't think it was because she lost though.
38. Another classy lady is Helen Mirren. She's so pretty.
39. When introducing Precious they didn't mention Mariah Carey. That was nice.
40. What was The Edge from U2 doing at the Golden Globes?
41. Morgan Freeman doesn't care about any of it. He's just sitting there looking bored. Drinking.
42. I've already commented on Drew Barrymores dress but what was she thinking. I like her hair though.
43. Cameron Diaz is so overrated.
44. Just go away Ricky Gervais
45. Rachel from Friends and that bloke from 300 are beautiful. Gerald Butler is so hot.
46. What happened to Thomas Jane? He used to be so hot!
47. Maggie Gyllenhall sounds absurd. Like a moron really. Her message about saving Haiti was more relevant.
48. I heard that Brad Pitt and Agelina Jolie weren't attending because they weren't nominated.
49. Oh, oh Miss Sophia Loren. All bow down and kiss her shoes. She's the movie star goddess. I love that they all look so excited about her being there. That's the way it should be bitches!
50. There's still 50 minutes left and I'm slowly losing interest now. The show Mad Men just won. Hoooray for them!
51. Taylor Lautnier or something is so handsome, but I couldn't possibly say that because he's not old enough. So ew ew ew.
52. Thomas Jane really didn't age well. Such a shame.
53. Chloe Serviette, more like. Lovely collection of napkins you are wearing. She's annoying.
54. Ricky Gervais has another sip of his beer.
55. Halle Berry is coming out of her dress. It's fairly vulgar. Woody Harrelson looks cute. Who would have thought.
56. Why do people find Leonardo DiCaprio attractive? His hair style is ugly.
57. Marty Scorsese is very charismastic. Was he in the movie UP?
58. Robert Downey Jr. is chewing gum during Martys speech. Looked funny.
59. Jodie Foster looks quite good. I wonder how much work she's had done.
60. Mel Gibson looks quite good. I can almost pretend to forget about his scandalous year last year.
61. Funny thing, James Cameron won for Avatar. I've heard that it doesn't have a lot of story in it. He has to pee.
62. Why are the tables so close together. It's very unpractical.
63. I suppose I have to watch Glee at some point. There is a Danish version, I think. It looked like the same kind of thing, but the Danish one sucked.
64. Bradley Cooper is HOT! I would marry him.
65. I still can't believe The Hangover won. It was a great movie, but it wasn't THAT good. I'd have thought it would have been one of the Meryl Streep movies. I heard that Nine wasn't that good. I want to watch Nine though.
66. Mickey Rourke is butt ugly! I can't believe it, he looks almost worse than at the Oscars last year. I will always remember 9½ weeks.
67. Arnold Schwarzenegger, botox much?
68. Emily Blunt is so pretty.
69. Yay! Sandra Bullock! I love her speech, it was so lovely.
70. I watched Sherlock Holmes last night. I thought I'd be crushing on Robert Downey Jr. but I was much surprised to be in love with Jude Law.
71. I wonder if Guy Richie was there, but I'm thanking the lord that Madge isn't there.
72. Kate Winslet looks great.
73. I love that we just saw Sophia Loren eating. It sends such a strong message to all the girls out there, and Calista Flockhart.
74. Julia Roberts is giving away the final award of the evening. She's really annoying, and the dress is not pretty. She's also doing the botox thing.
75. Avatar won. It surprises me a little. Well, it didn't because I knew it already but in general it's a surprise to me. Mostly because although I've heard it's a great movie, I've also heard that the story is weak. Personally I hope it's not the case, because if they give a movie the best movie award because of special effects, that's when it's really going down the drain.
76. Did James Cameron get to pee? I can't help but wonder.
77. Oh he did get to pee.
78. His hair is awful.
79. Ricky Gervais says goodnight
80. Now I feel a little abandoned. I'm no longer surrounded by big Hollywood stars.