Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging All About Steve

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events .

Todays feature is the delightful little nugget All About Steve. Now, I love Sandra Bullock and find Bradley Cooper to be devastatingly handsome, so let's see what the movie's like.



Well, I have my ideas as I heard the movie earned a razzie or two the same year Sandra Bullock won her Oscar for The Blind Side.

So bring out the popcorn and the Champagne, coke floats, soda or whatevs and let's get going shall we.

Radar Pictures? Never heard of them.

Ugh! Thomas Haden Church? I hate him. Hated him since that dreadful movie Sideways where they go on a wine tasting trip for a batchelor party or something and hook up with that Asian woman from Greys Anatomy. I really wanted to like that one, but I SO DIDN'T!

Sandra B walking happily through the streets in her red vinyl boots. Not sure I like her hair.

Sandra B is meeting with her boss. She makes crossword puzzles and she wants to get her stuff in the paper daily instead of weekly.

Evil boss is not having it. BOO! Her boss wants Sandra B to date more.

Sandra B has a blind date this evening. Exciting.

She's about to speak at carrer day at a school. Comedy may ensue. The firefighter next to her is cute.

I'm a sucker for a man in a uniform.

The kids are mean to Sandra B. BOO! I think she's going to reevaluate her life.

Sandra B does physical comedy well and they add that little noise that makes it sound ever the more painful.

She lives with her parents. She's cute.

She's going on a date with Bradley Cooper! How hot is he! Go change Sandra, change!

Sandra B just went to slut it up. Slutty Sandra B!

Wow! What a smile he has.

Oh, oh! Sandra B just jumped Bradley Cooper in a car but now she's very chatty. Shut up Sandra B and enjoy.

Awwww. He's ditching her. So sad.

The crossword puzzle Sandra B made was All About Steve - like the title. CLEVER! Or not...

So they are firing her over one puzzle. Bubye Sandra B. Sad.

The Asian guy from The Hangover is in it too.

New word: Snotsicles

Bradley C is so cute.

Sandra B just tried sliding down a banister in nothing but a towel. Comedy ensued and the repeating of "doesn't hurt, doesn't hurt.." Priceless!

Even Thomas Haden Church's voice is dull. It's like watching Tom Hanks at the Oscars.

Dead horse - alive!

Sandra B is just filled with useless information about EVERYTHING. She's yapping on and on, on a bus. So much so that they dumped her in the middle of nowhere. Bless her.

It's a little funny though.

Sandra B is stalking Bradley C, but she's too late at the place of the dead alive horse.

Comment of the moment: If God didn't want my daughter to have a third leg, he wouldn't have stuck one between the other two.

If that's not a little filthy, I don't know what is.

Bradley C, THC (Thomas Haden Church) and Asian dude from The Hangover are now in a new place reporting of the controversy of a girl with 3 legs. To keep the third leg, or not to. That is the question.

Oh, Sandra B just showed up! Brandley C just noticed her and her boots! Hah!



There's a demonstration with pro and anti leg protesters. We don't know if the leg is fuctional and has full mobility. We are at the edge of our seat.

Oh, there's the creepy geek from Road Trip! He's wearing a baby blue hat.

THC invited Sandra B up to the media tent to meet Bradley C. He's so mean.

Ew! THC just mentioned Bradley C's loins. I don't want that image.

YAY Bradley C just punched THC in da face! Love it.

BREAKING NEWS! Three's the charm! They decided to keep the leg for now.

Hah! This is physical comedy at a very high level.

Creepy nerdy dude from Road Trip is an apple sculpturer - weird.

Hah! Next up, bear in jacuzzi?

TORNADO!

Panic!

Car stalling!

Excitement!

CGI!

Whooops! Kids just fell into an abandoned mine shaft. Hahaha.

The news team Bradley C, Asian dude from The Hangover and THC are on the way.

Quote: If you quit a puzzle, you can't finish it.

I like that.

Whooooooops! Sandra B just fell in the hole. HAH!

Awwww Bradley C loves Sandra B.. that was a romantic speech

I think one of the fire fighters was a demon on the series Charmed.

They aren't sure Sandra B will make it so creepy nerdy dude from Road Trip is making an apple sculpture for her when she gets out.

I just noticed that the word "word" in Danish (Ord) is the same in singular and plural unlike in English. Why haven't I thought of that before?

THC just jumped into the hole.

They made it out of the hole. Pheeew! Had me on the edge of my seat clutching my glass of Champagne with one hand and my heart with the other.

Bradley C is so hot.

The End.

The trailer is here



If you want to see Sandra B accept the Razzie award for her performance in this slightly ditzy but adorable and amusing movie, see this

Friday I'm in love

Gosh, it's already July. Honestly I can't remember what I did in June except work but I suppose I spent it mostly trying to get back into my usual groove and accepting that I've already beeen on holiday and chances were that I wouldn't be going anywhere until sometime next year.

Turns out, I got myself plane tickets to London from Sept. 28 to Oct. 1st. So let me know if you want to hang out. My birthday is on Sept. 29 so if you feel like having a glass of bubbly (Champagne, coke float or whatevs) please feel free to email me, facepoke or tweet me. My email is in my profile page I think.

So, Friday?



From there I got to the whole Glastonbury thing because people keep saying that the bint Bouyancy Beyonce was the first female to be a main name at Glastonbury. That's actually not true. Technically Kylie was except she was forced to pull out when she was diagnosed with the big C. Anyway, Kylie made her first appearance last year with the Scissor Sisters. Then you know, you click one like and then another and before you know it, you've spent an hour and find yourself here

Sayhey Lovefilm presents: Not-so-live-blogging RED

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events .

Todays feature is RED. I'm watching it in HD on my Yousee box. I love this rental feature where I don't have to go anywhere to rent a movie. All I have to do is push a few buttons and BOOM! Movie right on my TV in HD quality. Best part is, I don't have to take it back as it just disappears again after 24 hrs. None of that Lovefilm DVD thing where you must pop them in the postbox on the way to or from work. Besides, I only get a bill every 3 months.

As I said, todays feature is RED. The action movie combining the unlikely of Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren and action movie. Here we go... 

DC Comics? Is this based on a comic book? Oh no!

Bruce Willis still looks hot.

Also starring: Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Mary-Louise Parker, Julian McMahon, Ernest Borgnine, James Remar and Richard Dreyfuss. They pulled out the big guns eh?

Bruce Willis lives very neat, with dark furniture and dark blue walls. He looks bald.

Apparently Bruce Willis is lonely because he tore up his pension cheque to call Mary-Louise Parker for a new one. Apparently he does this a lot because they seem to know each other pretty well.

Mary-Louise Parker wants excitement and travel. She reads romance novels. How novel.

It starts a bit slow. He lives in Cleveland and it's around Christmas. I know this because it said Cleveland on his trash bin, and the gaudy holiday decorations are up.

God, if I looked like that at 50 or whatever, I wouldn't be eating dinner alone! Bruce, I still would...

They both read the romance novel.

I don't get why Bruce Willis has to sleep wearing so much clothes.

Oh, oh ACTION about to start!

Intruders in the house, and Brucie is in the kitchen, or so they think

Bruce is so KOOL!

Packing his emergency kit and then he's out of there while the house is getting shot at by machine guns of some kind. It's all a bit over the top and American. I love it!

Oh, he's not out of there yet. He's been hiding and massive shooting. Don't they ever run out of bullits?

Kansas City!

We are now in Kansas City at Mary-Louise Parker appartment. She was not expecting Brucie in her flat. Haha. She's throwing stuff at him.

Oh no, they are very being followed and so he put gaffa tape over her mouth and tied her up in the backseat. She's not happy about it.

Sounds like Fragglerock if you ask me.

Oh, cute man is setting up someone for a crime at a gorgeous modern house. He has someone hanging by the neck now.

New target is Brucie. Cute man is a black op guy.

New Orleans hello!

Mary-Louise Parker tied up to a bed.

Meet Morgan Freeman in a red velvet tracksuit. This isn't a pretty picture.

Brucie and Morgan are talking. Brucie brought fingers with him. I'm not kidding! FINGERS.

Morgan Freeman to Brucie: "somebody has a serious hardon for you" - favourite line so far, and so true. So true.

Mary-Louise Parker escaped. She was very shocked she actually got loose, and now there's trouble. Cute man found out about her.

Brucie saves the girl. She was injected with a sedative or something. She's hjigh apparently.

Cute guy getting shot at. He's not just cute, he's hot.

This is so not a real street. This is a studio lot for sure. A little disappointing to be honest.

First Coca Cola sign.

CIA is behind it all apparently. Morgan figured it out.

Welcome to New York City. Been driving on that very road I think.

Mary-Louise Parker to Brucie: "I was hoping you had hair" - first bald head joke. It was pretty funny.

Oh look! It's Lanes mother from Gilmore Girls. She is the mother of a dead journalist that Brucie and Marylou (Mary-Louise Parker is now known as that).

The plot thickens. Brucie and Marylou were checking things out at the library it seems.

Dramatic facial expressions by Brucie. Apparently the guy who they were looking for is dead.

At the CIA there's a records keeper who has all the records of the black ops agents. Apparently Brucie used to be one of them, and cute guy is now checking it out.

RED is Retired Extremely Dangerous. Now we know that.

Pensacola, Florida

Brucie and Marylou are about to meet someone in alligator land.

It's a little exciting.

Whoooops there he is!

He lives in a car.

We are about 32 minutes into it now. It's actually pretty good. Not at all comic booky, that there's anything wrong with that. I like the old Superman movies, Spiderman and I'd like to watch Green Lantern.

Mobile, Alabama!

A city called Mobile? Weird.

The dude they hooked up with walks around with a teddy bear pig and is very paranoid. It's a little funny.

James Remar! WE LOVE YOU!

James Remar just passed. May he rest in pieces. Again lots of shooting and explosions. BOOM!

Brucie really LIKES Marylou.

Brucie now visiting the Russian Embassy to see someone to get help. They want to get into the CIA.

Love the sort of faux cold war, iron wall aspects. We need more of this.

I also missed the really bad fake Russian accents. The worst I've seen are in K-19 Widow Maker starring Harrison Ford.

Now Brucie and Marylou are going into the CIA building. It's a little exciting and a little bit Covert Affair esque.

Another hair joke. Hah! Somehow I think Brucie would look a little sad with hair.

Cute nay hot guy and Brucie (also hot) are now fighting. it's a little exciting and very EXCITING if you know what I mean.

They got out. Much excitement going on though.

ENTER DAME HELEN MIRREN!

Well, actually Brucie entered Helens house. "I kill people dear", Helen Mirren is so kool. Never thought I'd hear her say that.

We just established that cute, nay hot guy has a family. I'm sure that'll turn up later.

Who knew Helen Mirren could be this gun crazy. It's fun.

They've discovered the reason why and who wants them all dead.

Lots of shooting, commotion and Marylou was just captured.

The only one who does any real acting in this movie is Helen Mirren but she really does upp the class, the lass.

Brucie is now at the cute, nay hot guys house calling. Threatning his family.

Marylou is becoming kool. How about that!

Brucie is going to kill the guy behind it all. so they are going to CHICAGO!

I've been to Chicago, it's not all that.

Helen Mirren is looking classy as ever.

Julian McMahon! He's attractive. I'd let him..

Apparently he's their target. I'm sure after a bit of schmoozing there'll be gunfire and other action business.

Excessive firepower but very entertaining
It's very American but we are loving this!

THEY SHOT DAME HELEN MIRREN!! So.not.kool!

We are almost at the climax of the movie. Exciting stuff.

All we need now is Brucie snogging cute nay hot guy.

The END or in French 'fin'

I do hope they'll get the entire cast back to do another one. Cute nay hot guy is Karl Urban

I take a deep breath and hold a piece of sky in my mouth

I'm not home yet. Well, OK so I *am* home, but only in body because my spirit is really everywhere but here. On Thursday last week I've been home for a month and while I adore New York, and this is not the last time you hear of it, it's not as if I feel particularly like I'm still in New York. I just feel anywhere but here.

A few weeks ago we had our 'team day' where we all bonded and such, which wasn't nearly as awful as I thought. I made my presentation and after a few days had gone by, my boss lady came up to me and said "I thought you would say that you love travelling". Huh? That was my highly intelligent response to that and then she started telling me about how I'd flewn to London over the weekend in 2009 followed shortly after by an almost month long trip to the great US of A. Then in 2010 I hadn't been anywhere which she thought was a bit bizarre only I went to New York this year for a week. Surely I must love travelling.

I don't really feel that way. I don't mind not going anywhere as long as I feel good where I am and while I lived in Copenhagen I was thrilled to just be. Somehow now, I search for any excuse to go somewhere. Be that New York, Vegas (BABY!), San Francisco, London or Paris. Hell, if I had the chance I'd whisk myself off to Blackpool. While this makes it sound as if I have a terrible life here, I really don't. My appartment is decent (although the rent is a bit steep for a place like this), I love my job (there seems to be a bit much of that lately) and my parents aren't all that intrusive (which is rather odd). It's really just the city I suppose and the fact that most of my friends moved on while I was gone. Two years later, all the friends I have left of my 'old' friends is my bestest friend evah, a darling colleague girl and, Dullface he admitted reluctantly. Fairly sad.

Not to sound too sad and pathetic, I did manage to meet a few new peeps, but I'm rather picky when it comes to meeting new friends. Unlike in other parts of my life. This is also why I ended up going to New York alone. My bestest friend evah was unavailable or as he would say - out of funds and there was no way in hells I'd take Dullface.

Now, let's steer back to travelling again. I get sidetracked easiely. I've been thinking about how it'll be at least a year until I'll go somewhere again. To be honest I find that unbearable, so I have been airing the idea of a few days in London. Travelling Scary Air and staying in some mucky hotel for a few days is better than nothing I suppose. This would mean I could go see this in London



on Sunday..

Of course that's completely crazy but a few days in London would be wonderful. Maybe I'd feel ready to get back to the daily trials and tribulations then?

In My Life

Films have always been a great part of my life, because they, along with TV were an escape to a better life. Another life. Somewhere far, far away. Plus all the glamour surrounding the making of it. Of course, I know making a movie is not all glitz and glamour and there's a lot of hard, grunt work. Just like in TV. Still, the movies and the cinema were a means to escape whatever troubles you had and go to a different place. A place where other people had troubles that were almost always solved and subsequently they lived happily ever after.

We also didn't have a strong tradition when it came to movies at my childhood home. We didn't buy tapes, and we most certainly didn't go to the cinema. Well, not a lot anyway. My parents would scamper off to see the latest James Bond movie and leaving us kids at home. That was about it. My mother really did fancy Sean Connery, like mother like son I suppose. He was handsome back in the day.

So yes, he's not bloody home yet. Here's a nice little film meme.

Films That Remind Me of Childhood

The first movie I remember watching at the cinema was Walt Disney's The Fox & The Hound (Danish title Mads & Mikkel). I remember getting dressed in my PJs for the movie and I wasn't having it one bit. To this day, this is probably the movie I've cried the most tears to.



Most of my childhood films came curtesy of Walt Disney like The Little Mermaid and Oliver & Co but later in life I remember one time where the whole family were sitting together watching a movie on TV. It was Coming To America starring Eddie Murphy. This was probably around 1989/90. I was around 12 years old and even my evil big brother was there. He's 10 years older than me. It was just such a big moment that the 'whole family' were together and doing something that I actually liked.

I've never counted but I've probably watched this movie 35 times.



Childhood Films Where Removal was Necessary

I've always been very sensitive and when it came to horror, suspense and other genres like that, I knew my limits. I just didn't watch it. Although once I was home alone with evil bro, he and a few of his friends had rented a couple of movies. They had rented Good Morning Vietnam and Miami Spice. Since I don't like war movies, I popped in the latter thinking it was like the series Miami Vice.

Let's just make it very clear, IT WAS PORN! and I was so shocked because I'd never seen anything like it before. I was revolted and yet fascinated. Plus the plot was kind of funny. Obviously it was stopped short before the end, because evil bro came into the living room (the only room we had a VCR in) and he was mortified. I never got to see the end of it which was a little disappointing but I was quite queasy. Strangely enough I didn't tell on my brother that time.

Since I can't find an actual clip of the movie, I leave you with this because why the hell not.



Films that Defined My Teens

My teens were mostly defined by TV series and mini series made for TV along with tacky Hallmark movies. Of TV series it will come as no surprise to anyone that Dynasty was my main inspiration and also action series such as Acapulco HEAT and Mr. & Mrs Smith. Let's take a small look at the latter



I also liked Mistral's Daughter which I would watch with my mother. Of course she'd have a glass of wine in her hand as one does.
Back to the subject at hand, movies I'd have to say that my biggest inspirations were anything with Leslie Nielsen in it. Especially when he paired up with the Zucker Brothers. Like in the Airplane! and the Naked Gun movies.



I also like Sandra Bullock a lot, so naturally I was influenced a lot by her movies. The Net was a favourite.



Films Seen Multiple Times at Theatres

This could be potentially embarrassing. I've watched 4 movies multiple times at the theatre. Now delight in my humiliation while I take you through them and the reasons behind it. There's always a reason.

Miss Congeniality starring Sandra Bullock.

I've watched it 4 times at the theatre and I actually don't have a total of how many times I've watched it on DVD. It's a lot though.

Well, first time I watched it was with my bestest friend evah. He's a fanboy like me and we always watch Sandra Bullock movies at the theatre together so naturally we went to watch it.

Second time was with a girl who I was very close friends with at the time. I'll mention her 2 more times in this one. Let's call her Maria, because that's her name. She's a lovely girl. We had a falling out almost 10 years ago and met up 4 years ago and I blew her off which was very rude of me and I regret this very much now but I can't find her. I've tried. Well, we loved to go to the movies and as you'll see later on, we'd watch anything. Twice.

Third time was with Dullface because we had decided to go watch a movie and he wanted to watch this one. I liked it, so there we go. It was still funny!

Fourth time was when I had gone to the International People's College and a group of us wanted to go watch a movie. The others hadn't watched this one, and I decided not to share the fact that I'd watched it 3 times before. After we got back and had some wine, it came out though and we all had a big laugh about it. That was the point when I was accepted into the lush club. I was so happy and drunk for the rest of the stay.



The Patriot starring Mel Gibson

I watched this one twice. Haven't watched it since it came out because it's not my genre. As a general rule I don't like war movies, and this one felt like it went on forever. So, why did I watch it twice?

This movie was watched with Maria both times. First time was because the theatre in our town only had two screening rooms. One large and one tiny. There was also only one theatre in our town. That limits the options a lot and it seemed like nothing interesting came out at that time. At least not at our theatre. I don't remember what was out at the time, but maybe we'd already seen it or it wasn't our cup of tea. Anyway we decided to try it out. Then found out we hated it. The following weekend we had nothing better to do so we decided to go the cinema again. Nothing except this movie was showing, so we asked ourselves the question "was it really *THAT* dull?". The answer was yes.

Lord of the Rings

It turned out that The Patriot was nowhere near as dull as Lord of the Rings.

I watched it twice. First time was with my job at the time who decided we should all go waste a Thursday night (the company paid for the tickets). To be honest I started snoring about 20 minutes into the movie and was nudged on the shoulder to wake up when there was a 15 minute break in the movie. Then fell asleep immediately again waking up when the credits came on. It was that entertaining to me.

Before I'd watched it, I had promised Dullface (this was when we were still sort of seeing each other socially) that I'd go watch it with him. He had missed his chance to see it with a group of co-workers so I said OK. I tried to get out of it, but I couldn't. Let's just say it was a very expensive and quite uncomfortable nap.

This is a lot more funny version.



Mission Impossible II - starring Tom Cruise

Probably the most ridiculous movie I've watched in a very long time. Granted I haven't watched it for about 8 years.

Anyway, I watched it both times with Maria. It was basically the same situation as with The Patriot where there's wasn't much else going on. Granted this was more enjoyable because the second time we were laughing through most of it. Ah, the memories!
First Date Film

My first date film was Jurassic Park. A bunch of us from school went to see it. The late screening at 9.20pm so a pick up after the film was over had been arranged by our parents. I didn't want to go at first. Mostly because I knew I'd have nightmares from watching it and then because it was with school 'mates' who I had pretty bad experiences with during the day. So why would I want to go hang out with them in the evening. It would be common sense to not go.

Common sense went out the window when a boy who lived close to me asked me what I was doing on that Thursday evening. I told him, and he asked if he could come with me. 'To protect me'. I laughed. He insisted and my mother got him in. Of course they didn't know what was going on. We'd gotten tickets a little further back from everyone else because I'd brought 'an outsider'. Apparently that was frowned upon. Still, we had a good time holding hands in the darkness of the theatre. I bought it on VHS tape in 1998 and rewatched it because there are parts I didn't watch the first time and that's all I have to say about that.
Nightmares from Films

I never had nightmares from Jurassic Park, which is a bit strange but maybe I was looking elsewhere through most of that film. What did give me nightmares was Scream. It was the first and only horror movie I'd watched up until then. That night I was with Dullface and a straight guy (let's call him H) who I had a huge crush on and actually had fooled around with a bit a couple of years earlier.

--- an aside--
My experience has always been that 3 is a crowd. Everytime there were two people and me, I ended up getting clobbered. If not physically then at least mentally. Every time I'd end up being at the bad end of some sick prank or joke. So I rarely went to anything knowing we would be 3 (or more for that matter).
--- aside over--

It was going pretty ok. Then the other two wanted to watch a movie, and of course H pulled out a copy of Scream. Instead of leaving, I sat there watching it all. Then of course they had a lot of fun scaring the shit out of me througout the movie and said they'd follow me on my walk home and jump out at me. As I had to walk past the forest and every second lamp post was turned off I was scared to death walking home. I heard my own footsteps and so I ran thinking I was being followed. It was just really unpleasant. Obviously they didn't follow me. I slept with the lights on for 4 days.

Films that are Guilty Pleasures

So many guilty pleasures, so little time! I am going to limit myself to four films.

Batman & Robin

I watched this at the theatre but I can't recall who I watched it with. I think I was staring too much at George Clooney's crotch to notice anything else. I later bought it on VHS and loved every minute of the campy goodness. I still say it's the best Batman movie ever made. It has George Clooney and Chris O'Donnell in tight outfits, Uma Thurman in tiny little nothing outfits and loads of makeup. Camp dialogue and Arnold Schwarzenegger dancing in furry bear slippers. What's not to love!



Catwoman

So ridiculously bad it's good. Bad computer effects, bad acting, bad dialogue, horrible story and Sharon Stone. Not like that's anything new for Sharon Stone of course. After Basic Instinct 2 I'll believe anything.

I watched this at the theatre with my bestest friend evah and we laughed throughout the entire thing. Of course he thought it was dire. I see it as camptastic. Potatoe/potatoe I suppose. Just had to get the DVD.



Spice World

This is actually comedy genius combined with catchy (and very popular) pop songs. I love how kitchy it is and how you can easily spot the movie mistakes in this one and believe me, there are plenty. Usually you have to have a good eye to notice some of the movie mistakes but not in this. To be honest I think they kept them in to give this movie a new dimension. Like in the Airplane! movies. I watched this movie with Dullface. He wanted to see it as much as I did, so one day we rocked popped up at the theatre at 6pm (there were no later screenings of this one. We wondered why) and stood in line to get our tickets. Then we were seated in the tiny screening room and we were the oldest patrons who weren't escorted by adults.

Also, I was the only one laughing throughout the movie. I guess some people just have no sense of humour.




Barb Wire

We missed this one at the theatre. It only played for one week in the tiny screening room. I still don't know why. It was camptastic, kick arse action and as a gayer I still say there's something about Pamela Anderson and her boobs. Loved everything about it and bought the special edition VHS tape. Yes there was a special edition, and it was a £25 import in 1997. To this day, I still love it and I have it on DVD.




Last Film I Saw at the Theatre

I have started expanding my horizons when it comes to films. To be honest I don't care for Danish movies except the really old ones from the 1920s and up to about 1969 or so. Some of the new ones can be alright but most are dire. That said, I accepted an invitation to go with colleagues to see SuperClásico which is part Danish and part South American.  It's about a man who has taken his son with him to South America to try and get his wife back. She's run off with a dishy football player and a career. This is his journey.



It's probably one of the most f*cked up movies I've ever watched. Weirdly funny and kind of depressing all at the same time.

Favourite Film No One Else Seems to Know About

Gunshy

I'm not sure I'll be good at selling this. I'd never watched it but decided to buy it anyway because it stars Sandra Bullock, Liam Neeson and Oliver Platt and it's about a DEA agent who starts undergoing therapy who then goes to Sandra Bullock for a little cleansing where she utters the famous (or it should be) line "Hi, I'm Judy Tipp and I'll be doing your enema" or something to that effect.



Two if by Sea or the Danish title Stole Hearts (yes that is the translation, no Danish words there)

Another one I bought without having watched it. I didn't expect it to be any good, but it was surprisingly witty. Dennis Leary takes his girlfriend on a job (he steals things) and it all goes tits up.
Please, please, please watch the clip here ! You may actually like it.

The Contender

This is a really good political thriller. I saw a review of this on TV when it came out and thought I'd have to watch it. Since it never made it to our two screening room theatre, I had to buy it once it came out. I get goosebumps just watching the trailer. It's THAT good.



You should all do this meme and let me know in the comments that you've done it.

Now, come on everyone! All together now. "ISN'T HE BLOODY HOME YET?". Maybe..

One word

My mother always said, "If you have nothing to say, say nothing". Apparently she was quoting Mark Twain. Well, I never quite learned this always making some kind of comeback, even if it was only one word.

In that honour, I've decided to continue my introduction in this "one word" meme.

1. Where is your cell phone? Repairs

2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend? Single

3. Your hair? Brown

4. Your mother? Lush

5. Your father? Quiet

6. Your favourite item? iPhone

7. Your dream last night? Naughty

8. Your favourite drink? Piña Colada

9. Your dream car? Beetle

10. The room you are in? Linvingroom

11. Your ex? Happy

12. Your fear? Unemployment

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Cohabitating

14. Who did you hang out with last night? Myself

15. What you're not? Well

16. The last thing you did? Tweet

17. What are you wearing? Pants

18. Your favourite book? The Snow Garden

19. The last thing you ate? Bread

20. Your life? Short

21. Your mood? Sad

22. Your friends? Worldwide

23. What are you thinking about right now? Dynasty

24. Your car? non-existing

25. What are you doing at the moment? Dynasty

26. Your summer? Working

27. What is on your TV? Dynasty

28. When is the last time you laughed? Wednesday

29. Last time you cried? Thursday

30. School? Nightmare

Someone might think or even say, isn't he bloody home yet, but no. Apparently not.

Homecoming

It's been way too long, hasn't it? The rapid decline in activity on my blog since 2008 has got to stop. So, I thought I'd start by reintroducing myself on here. You see, this Wednesday I was at a work seminar thing where our new (and much larger team) were learning how to become a proper, tight knitted team. I hate those things because they usually involve the inevitable hideous teambuilding exercises. Thankfully we got off very easy and it was a lot more 'serious'. The last thing we had to do was stand up in front of everyone and present our Johanri window. Before the day we were to prepare our presentation and I nearly died presenting mine because I can't stand getting up in front of say 20 people and telling them about ourselves. It's not like I shared more than I wanted to, or felt comfortable sharing but rather that I don't like forced sharing. Of course it was interesting hearing everyone else talk about themselves. I took a few things with me from the seminar which are to be more energetic, positive and happy. I figure if I act like it, I will eventually become it.

A long story short, I thought I should reintroduce myself so I stole this meme from Ponita and figured it would be a good way of doing so.



1) ONE OF YOUR SCARS. HOW DID YOU GET IT?

I have a scar on my left knee. It was summer, I was seven years old and my parents were out in front of our house painting the windows. Of course without permission I brougth out my little inflatable paddling pool and started filling it with water on the lawn. Once it was filled I ran up the stone steps and turned off the water and then raced down the stone steps towards my pathetic little paddling pool only to fall and scrape my knee quite severely. I started crying very loudly (because it's no fun if people don't know you are in pain) but it took my parents about 10 minutes before they figured out it was me, and came out back and yelled at me.

As clear as if it were yesterday, I remember being on my bed crying and looking at my knee where at first blood was gushing oozing ticking out and then it was some weird clear liquid. It was very painful, and although the scar is tiny now, it's still visible and no, you may not see it. I am a gay guy of mystery afterall.
2) WHAT IS ON THE WALLS OF YOUR BEDROOM?

I don't have much on my bedroom walls. Mostly because I've got wardrobes and closets on most walls of the room but I do have a 2010 calendar.

It still has qualities, don't you think?

3) WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE?

My mobile phone is an iPhone 3 GS

4) WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?

I listen to mostly cheerful, happy pop music because it makes me happy. Listening to rock and those types of depressing music (including rap and r'n'b) makes me depressed. An example of a blast from the past that I like is this gem



DJ BOBO was a massive hit over here back in 1992.

5) DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

I never asked. Never thought it mattered - especially because I don't believe in all those astrology and numerology things.

6) WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

An iPhone 4, an iPad 2 and a pair of new glasses. I'm modest like that.

7) WHO DO YOU MISS?

I miss my ex boyfriend and at times my aunt who died last year.

8) IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU OR HAS A CRUSH ON YOU?

Maybe my ex boyfriend. I can never tell as it's been was so on and off. I'm thinking no though.

9) WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU KISSED?

A guy in New York. To protect his identity let's call him Jack.

10) WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?

I don't have a middle name.

11) THE BEST TV SHOW EVER CREATED?



It's got to be Gilmore Girls or



Dynasty.

12) THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?

Dullface.

13) DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?

Only when I've watched something scary on TV or at the cinema. There are very few times when I actually miss having a boyfriend. I do on lazy weekends and while and after watching scary stuff.
14) THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?

First of all you need to know that I'm a very sensitive/empathic person when it comes to all things miserable. Like death, illness, war and such. It influences my mood easily and makes me very sad. So when my boss lady told us at work that her brother had finally died of cancer after 15 years of struggling with it, it made me sad. I actually had a bit of a cry when I got home. I didn't know him so there was no rational thought behind it. It just made me really sad.

Another instance was also quite recently. I had some terrible class 'mates' in school. What they did to me is not the point, but the end result was me crying to which the teachers and school only had this to say:

Kids are cruel and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

It went on for 10 years and obviously I feel some if not a lot of hatred towards the instigator of all this. He is an awful person but I hadn't given him much thought over the past few years until Dullface mentioned having met him. Apparently they'd spoken briefly. Anyway Dullface just mentioned having met him and said how he'd gained weight which pleased me. This one thing did open up something because I had a dream about the school days again later that week which had me waking up sobbing. At least I never turned to violence. There's always a silver lining.



15) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?



16) WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

I like dark hair, short dark hair. To be honest I have no preferences when it comes to eye colour although something besides brown because my eye colour is brown.

17) WOULD YOU RATHER BE SMART OR FUNNY?

I'd rather be funny than smart. Funny people have more fun, I suppose. Smart people are often arrogant and dull.

18) COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?

I've never had an energy drink ever and I don't drink proper coffee. I do like a café latté with a shot of espresso though.

19) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?

Gorgonzola cheese and cocktail sausages. Pure class all the way!

20) IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

A pizza with gorgonzola cheese and cocktail sausages.

21) WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU MAD?

A customer who called me at work refusing to pay his car payment and insisting he didn't owe us money. He was quite rude. When you work in the department I work in, you get called a lot of names. Some more pleasant than others.

22) DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?

I speak Danish, English, a bit of German and a tiny bit og Spanish and French. I can say good night in both Russian and Italian too. On the whole I love foreign languages.

The English language is a lot more precise than Danish and I like that. Although we do have different words for a boy and girl cousins in Danish.
23) WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT THAT YOU REMEMBER SOMEONE GIVING YOU?

My parent's old neighbours gave me a Daisy doll when I was 7. It wore a sparkly red cocktail dress, tiny red heels and had a cute short'ish hair style. I'm not sure if Daisy is related to Barbie in any way but I loved her. I think it was my first stylish doll. First of many. I much preferred to play with dolls to all those things the boys played with.

I'd play with the girls, they were a lot less mean to me and combined we had the largest Barbie doll house EVER. It was awesome! I loved my Barbies. My father didn't.

24) DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?

I do. A lot but he doesn't like me in the same way. He's straight.
25) ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?

No, but my knees are kind of weirdly bendy.

26) FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?



Dolce & Gabbana.

27) WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?

28) WHAT COLOUR IS IT?

Red. Or if I can't get that it would be alright with a black one I suppose.

29) WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE KIND OF EXERCISE?

I don't like exercise. I suppose sex would be a favourite type of exercise although I also enjoy walking. Sex is by far a favourite though.

30) WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING

How can you keep yourself from falling in love? I haven't been able to do that, so yes. It would be practical if I could shut off all emotions and avoid all that nonsense and it saves the heart ache but I guess there's no fun in that.

Well, that's it. Now it's only to look forward to the next time I can blog. Oh, and of course to be happy and positive. No more rain!

Special birthday announcement

As it is our fellow blogger, a woman I call a dear friend I've yet to meet Miss Roses birthday today I will take a bit of time to celebrate this very special day.

Miss Roses is incredibly optimistic (especially of late) and it is very infectuous. I hope and wish that I will grow up and be just like her someday. Fabulous, happy and gorgeous. We here at Sayhey adore her, and it's not just because she keeps sending us smutty books, but rather because she's just so freakin' amazing. Now, let's get on with the musical numbers as there's always a song and a dance (or two) here. LADIES!?!


Thank you Bette, for introducing the next artist.







Thank you girls! Roses, I do hope you are having a lovely day darling.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

New York you are fiiine

As I am wandering around THE City swiping my credit cards left and right with Dolce & Gabbana, Armani and Bergdorf Goodmans bags in hand, I can't help but wonder a bit. Am I singlehandedly saving the global economic crisis or just one swipe away from a life in the gutter? Admittedly my mind has been there for years, and although not strictly in that sense, my body had followed a few times.

Still, as I sit here on a bench in Central Park on the Upper West Side soaking up the amazing sun and looking over at what I assume must be the skyline of the Upper East Side I wonder. Who are New York's Finest exactly?

I mean, I see plenty of very, very fine people - in every sense of the word - but I know it's a term for either the NYPD or NYFD (um, well in case that's wrong I hereby clarify that I do indeed mean those hunky fire fighters who risk - and some give their lives - during either fires, 9/11 and other hideous events). So which is it?

The police officers although fine, are by my observations lovely but usually eating, standing around talking, observing, throwing leftovers in bins or protecting and serving. I admire them a lot. They potentially encounter lunatics with guns etc.

On the other hand we have the hunky fire fighters. I've only seen a few. A truck with the Ladder 7 written on it. I'm assuming it has some significance because it surely wasn't the rating I'd give them. They were a perfect 10/10 to me. So ladder 10 from me, and my ladder was fully erected. What they were doing I have no idea. They were working some big hydrant and I assume the one of them had his big hose out at some point because the ground was wet and a little slippery. I also saw a calendar with NY firemen in a shop. I need to go back and buy that.

So although my vote goes to the fire fighters, who really IS New Yorks finest?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone in Central Park, NYC

Location:Central Park

Countdown: PeteNYC2011

Retro poptastica

I know you probably don't, but I do. I remember Sabrina too famous for last names Salerno. You see, I was skipping along to the joyous and careless beats of my not quite working trusty iPhone when all of a sudden an old italia dance classic popped on and there I was. Transported back to a time that for the most part wasn't very happy if it hadn't been to the cheerful 80s pop divas.

As we step back in time, I thought we'd just have a quick look at this particular superstar and her career. A word of warning, there'll be German dubbing as well, and you may not understand it all. You will however get a quick look at this multi talented girl.



If that wasn't enough, you can see a proper American segment here.

Sabrina Salerno is a STAR of Silvio Berlusconi's TV channels RaiUno and used to bless us with these magical videos.

Here's the hit record My Chico



or how about the runaway hit Like a Yo Yo



Or the fabulous and second hit single Hot Girl (PWL remix) from her first album



However, we all remember her European number one debut single Boys (Summertime Love)



That being a live version and proving why, oh why we here at SayHey still adore love Sabrina Salerno. Hot dancers, dodgy dancing, roaring night club crowd and bad English accents. What's not to love?

You'd think that was all she can do, but you would be oh so very wrong. She acts too. She starred in many films and you can see the list here. Included on the list is the movie Delirium aka. Le Foto di Gioia. I happened to watch it a few years ago, and it was very 80s camptastic. See Sabrina Salerno's performance below



Did I mention that none of this is safe for work? No? Sorry.

To sum it all up. We here at SayHey LOVE Sabrina Salerno



Did I forget to mention that I have a very large collection of her albums and singles on vinyl, tape and CDs?

On the town

Last week was hideous. Truely hideous. Except for our resident witch's birthday of course. A beacon of light in the pitch black pit of depression that was week 12 of 2011. Thankfully the hideousness ended with me running out of work at 1.30pm to prevent myself from jumping out the window although would make little sense as we are on the ground floor and I'd probably just scrape my knee and ruin a perfectly good pair of trousers . Later I also shipped my parents off to the Canary Islands which means I have access to their washing machine while watching cable tv (I don't own my own washing machine and am forced to use the dingy laundry in the basement) and sipping lattés plus driving around in their boxy beloved Toyota Corolla Verso that fits 7 people. You'd think I finally found my Tigerblood groove because surely you'd think I was duh winning! starting to get back on top.

Things had just worked so well up until then because I'd gotten my Kylie tickets, plane tickets and I'd spent a lot of time finding the hotel I wanted to stay at in New York.

First of all, thanks to MJ for scaring the shit out of me me senseless with her friendly mention of bed bugs which seem to have taken over the world Manhattan. It's strange how people don't mention them but once you mention them, everyone has a bed bugs story or two. It's very unsettling. It was quite traumatic but thankfully the Kimpton properties in Manhattan don't seem to have any bed bugs problems according to the Bed Bugs Registry. Yes, there is such a thing. Again, scared senseless. All those red dots in Manhattan. Ick!

As I mentioned, I had picked the hotel I was going to be staying at. It was a lovely Kimpton Hotel right by Time Sq. called The Muse. In the end though, I had planned for so long, that there were no more available rooms at the hotel, so the joke was on me. Frankly, if they couldn't accommodate me then they weren't worth me even batting my eyelashes. Still, it threw me off a bit because I'd booked it on Tuesday or Wednesday, I can't remember, and got the bad news on Thursday at work. On the very day when I first suggested jumping out the window and a colleague said I could just walk out the emergency exit instead and spare my trousers. I can't help it but think I really missed out as it looks a bit European and doesn't have those hideous bedspreads that seem to be doing the rounds at a lot of hotels.

In the end, I ended up booking a Premiere Kings room at another Kimpton Hotel called 70 Park Avenue. You may ask, if I get kickbacks every time I mention Kimpton Hotels on this blogpost, but alas I do not. I wish! However I do have previous Kimpton experience as I stayed at one of their hotels in San Francisco in August 2009. A hotel with a view over San Francisco Bay and Bay Bridge. It was a wonderful experience and I have every hope that I will indeed be looking very much forward to arriving at 70 Park Avenue on May 2.

Yesterday I also happened to discover that my ESTA Visa whatever thingymabob I need to enter the United States does not run out until June 2011 which, as far as I am aware, means I won't have to re-apply and can just edit the one I have. WIN! I will have to read more about it though, because there could be some rule or something that says that I must re-apply. Another WIN was when the insurance company that I have my travel insurance with called me young. Apparently I qualify for a YOUTH policy. I feel so young again. A mere kitten.

I am a little bit sad, that I am missing Fleet Week.

So, all in all I am very excited about this whole PeteNYC2011 project. I still need to pick a broadway show to watch - any suggestions peeps?

Possibly meeting some lovely NYC peeps for cocktails - fancy a cocktail?

Hooking up with other lovely peeps from around the world - fancy going shoe shopping and out for drinks?

Let me know

Incredibly Dishy Vices

It's never too late, as someone very fabulous once sang, so while it's still the divine mr. IDV's birthday we here at SayHey would like to send him our salutations and wishes for a fabulous year. To celebrate, we asked the fabulous Miss K. to do a couple of songs, especially for him (and you)



and while we would have preferred some nu-di-ty from him over at Miss MJs we will let it slide, this time.

Now everyone put your hands up for IDV



Happy birthday darling!

Not-so-live-blogging-Fame

We here at SayHey watch it, so you don't have to. You should know the drill by now. Otherwise, do have at look at my previous Not-so-live-blogging events . Let me present to you, the most recent remake of the movie FAME!

Oh, bell's ringing. It's time for class!

It's 120 minutes of FAME!

Uh uh, Fame costs, and right here is where you start paying. In sweat!

Audition day, someone's spitting on the floor.

Eww Kelsey Grammar. Don't worry, he's not on screen yet.

The music isn't very engaging. Or good.

PEPSI truck. Wow, product placement.. Especially with the huge banner afterwards.

They've got ballet dancing. I think I may prefer Black Swan to this.

I'm not feeling this. We are 5 minutes into this.

They are auditioning, and ew there's Kelsey Grammar.

I haven't seen one guy I'd give a second look.

More Pepsi. I hope they paid through the teeth for that, but I seriously doubt it.

I like this Pepsi commercial better



It's also less long.

Ok. So Malik is not bad looking.

Karen from Will & Grace is in it. Can she be anything but bitchy?

Oh, was too busy reading Stefano Gabbanas tweets on Twitter.

Kelsey Grammar is probably worst dressed actor in this movie. Oh my!

They are in the cafeteria all groovin together.

This movie is trying to be so kool, that it really isn't.

They are jammin' and it ain't slammin'

1 hour and 40 minutes to go.

More Pepsi machines.

Malik is not as attractive as first expected.

This is really slow paced, and I'm so grateful I didn't go to the movies to watch this.

Ok, Karen is a little bitchy only less over the top.

I know I've paid £2.90 to watch this, but I doubt I'll finish it.

Fame anno 2010 (or whatevs) is really dull.

This makes me wish I'd rented A Single Man instead. At least I know that is a beautiful movie.

Right, this is too painful. I thought I'd be able to at least mock it.

It's unmockable, that's how bad it is.

I apologise for taking up your time with this.

Now THIS is more like it



Or this



Now, Spice World the Movie is a delightful movie.

I don't actually care how Fame ends. It was sucking the life force out of me. So, I guess you will have to watch it yourself if you want to know how it ends.

You snooze you lose

I had a plan. To be modest honest, it was a great plan. As with my travel plans they always end up becoming spontaneous. I either start checking things out online and end up planning and planning and well, planning or I just book something. If I don't book something within a week, I'll never end up going. Most of the times these trips are spur of the moment things where I leave fairly quickly after booking.

The only time I didn't do that, was when I went on PeteUSA2009 and while it was an amazing experience going to America it wasn't a complete win for me. Dullface went with me and we have very different ideas about well, everything. The tour was planned down to the hour and I am not really that type of person. While I do appreciate being on time (always being 10 minutes late myself) I don't like having everything planned down to the last details. On PeteUSA2009 we had a schedule before leaving, and I'm telling you that if there had been a tropical storm, we'd still be on The Santa Monica Pier on that day if it was on the schedule. There was no changing things around because Dullface was ademant that if we switched two things around he'd be cheated somehow.

I'm not doing the whole schedule thing on my next trip. It'll be very spontaneous, and if I miss something then so be it. The most important thing is that I'm experiencing my holiday destination.

Plans change all the time and you just have to deal with it. What it really meant was that I had plans to go to London and Norwich for my birthday in late September. I was pretty excited about it and then I changed the plans a bit. I'd go to Manchester and Norwich in April. Of course I started looking for plane tickets and hotels. The hotel thing was pretty easy for Manchester but as I know nothing about Norwich that was a little more difficult. The 4 star hotels seemed to be outside town. Then I discovered that the airfare for Manchester was outrageous.



For the hell of it, I checked out airfares for Las Vegas and New York as well. This is where I discovered that for £100 extra (I ended up paying more because apparently when you snooze, you lose) I'd be flying to New York in May. I realise that I'll be disappointing a fair few of lovely people that I love dearly. However I had to go with New York. Mostly because the airfare was dirt cheap and the timing was just right.

In Denmark our vacation year runs from May to May which is pretty ridiculous insane odd but that meant that at the earliest I'd be able to go in May. I would actually leave tomorrow if I could because things are not all that brilliant of late, but I have to wait. The timing works so that I get to see Miss K live in New York at the Hammerstein which is a treat I'm sure.

So, I've got the Kylie and plane tickets booked but I still need to find a suitable 4 star hotel which is dirt cheap and smack dab in the middle of Manhattan.

Also, I need suggestions of what to see, and do while there. It would be lovely if we could go for cocktails too. Do come meet me. I'll be in town from May 2 to May 8.

Happy Birthday Miss Scarlet

We've got to remember that love is love is love is love is love. Which is why team Sayhey is spreading some love here today. Be loud, be proud and be happy.

Today we are especially happy for Miss Scarlet who is celebrating her 29th birthday, and since there's no birthday without a little song, I caught up with my good friend Kylie and she sends this message to Miss Scarlet and the rest of us.



Or, if you prefer this..



PS. Don't forget to check out my previous post in which you will be introduced to the inner workings of my mind and that of those involved in the making of the movie Knight & Day.

Not-so-live-blogging-Knight-&-Day

SayHey at the movies on the sofa watching Knight & Day starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz (my two least favourite actors) so you don't have to. And believe me, you don't have to. Like in my previous post about the Oscars, I'm using the Twitter format so you'll get the random comments, insights and what else comes through my mind during these next 110 minutes. I've decided to rent it on my fabulous YouSee box and am paying 5 quid on this, you'd better be appreciative bitches! Here goes.

Wow, this HD thing is awesome on my TV. Better get a BluRay player soon. The Twentieth Century Fox logo was gorgeous. So far, massive win.

Welcome to an airport. It's starting the same way as The Terminal. An actor I don't like in an airport. This is not boding well for the rest of the movie.

Tom Cuise's glasses were crooked and he was eating an ice cream. Ugly sunglasses.

Oh, wow. Celia Weston is in the movie. We LOVE her! She's not on screen, but rather her name popped up as part of the credits.

Cameron Diaz is looking a little farm girl'ish and ooopsie! She bumped into Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise's nose is MASSIVE!

Well, they are at least speaking English in this one, rather than some weirdo pretend language like in the Terminal.

OH, they bumped into each other again. Can't be an accident, can it?

They are keeping an eye on Tom Cruise. And by they, I mean the suits.

Cameron Diaz made it on to the flight with Tom Cruise despite her initial problems of getting on the flight. Something is fishy.

This is moving along quite slowly,

Cameron Diaz is telling us about her father dying and how she restores cars and wants to restore one of his old ones. For her sister who's getting married.

Tom Cruise ishas a weird left nostril.

Turbulence made Cameron spill her drink, and she's going to the loo. Leaving Tom Cruise alone with the 5 other people on the flight.

The other people are attacking him while she's jammering on at her reflection in the loo mirror.

The people die. Including the pilots.

It most certainly isn't Cameron Diaz first rodeo. She's looking like it's her 100th.

He tells her the pilots are dead and she laughs.

You'd think gunfire in an airplane would be more than a bit dangerous. I guess this is like Mission Impossible II where nothing logic has any relevance.

Tom Cruise of course lands this massive airplane in a corn field. Bad CGI galore.

Cameron Diaz moans.

You can say what you want about Tom Cruise and his acting. He is fit, no doubt about that. He took his shirt off.

She's drugged.

The jokes are lame.

Airplane explodes - thankfully we don't see much of that. Could have been another CGI travesty.

She wakes up at home. He's made her breakfast and little notes.

The safe, friend who wants her shows up. Rodney, a firefighter with an unfortunate moustache.

Cameron Diaz is taken into custody or whatevs by the so-called FBI. She's not safe.

She realises she's not safe, but the Chevrolets are unavoidable. First proper product placement.

How does it work with people who die driving. Do their feet really press down hard on the speeder pedal? Or is that to make his hideously lame car chase thing exciting more lame?

The blue screen effects are hideous. You just KNOW that Tom Cruise wasn't on top of a car for any moment during the movie.

I know you are just dying to know what the clothes are like. Well, dull would be one way of looking at it.

The movie reminds me of a really lame version of the Mel Gibson and Goldie Hawn movie Bird On a Wire. I loved that! Although all that Goldie did was run around whining and screaming.

Cameron Diaz fire fighter friend is a little bit adorable. I think it's the nose.



Tom is wearing the hideous sun glasses again.

He shot the dorky fire fighter but it's all OK apparently. Another car chase.

The banter is poor at best. They may have chemistry, but the dialogue is awful. This is only one third through the movie.

Oh, look! SHELL service station. How much did they pay for that?

They are explaining the plot. Apparently it's all about a little battery that has lots of juice. TC (as I decide to call him from now on, or until I find a more fitting nickname) was protecting the battery and the guy who made it. Someone 'inside the agency' wants to steal the battery and sell it.

Exciting stuff huh? No, I know! It's not really. Maybe I should have picked Did You Hear About The Morgans? Can't be worse than this.

They are visiting a so-called 'safe house' now. You just know there'll be soldiers attacking from all sides and TC will kill'em all any minute now.

The soldiers are taking their sweet time attacking.

BINGO!

It's all very exciting noisy. Correction Cameron Diaz is very noisy.

Am thinking about what to have for dinner. Maybe pasta and gorgonzola sauce.

Oh, Cameron Diaz was drugged again.

They are captured. TC his dangling upside down with his shirt off. All the 40-50 something women are drooling.

Hell, it was a bit drool worthy.

She was drugged again.

Waking up in a bikini on a beach far away from people shooting. That's any girls dream right?

TC trying to pull a Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. It's not working for you honey.

Board shorts and a dead fish. No thank you.

He is fit though.



While TC teaches Cameron Diaz to protect herself and they frollick on the beach, I went to get a pudding cup. It's lovely, contrary to the movie.

Now this is sort of a what's that movie called moment. Um, Anne Heche and Harrison Ford like.

She's drugged again. Or at least wakes up somewhere else.

On a train in Austria and she's hungry.

I can't blame her for thinking of food. So do I.

Could really do with some pasta right now. Yum!

There's the classic scene of being followed through a train.

Fight scene! For someone who doesn't know how to fight, she really does know her way around a train kitchen.

They all unite. The inventor of the battery, Cameron Diaz and TC.

The fight continues. Now the super human aspect from Universal Soldiers where a knife in the heart doesn't mean you die.

Ridiculous!

Now they are in a luxury hotel in Austria. They are smitten.

Cameron Diaz playing spy now. She's jealous of mysterious and attractive woman who is meeting TC.

I understand why. We all saw the tired looking Cameron Diaz with her small and saggy boobs.

Now she's been summoned by the FBI. The evil guy is with this kool black woman who is his boss. I think.

They are trying to make her give him and the battery up.

Suddenly Cameron Diaz has lovely clothes. The black coat is gorgeous. It's so wasted on her.

I don't know what to think. TC is running on roofs. Now I watched The Tourist, and I don't know if I'd rather watch him or Johnny Depp Captain Jack Sparrow do it.

Venice is prettier than this Austrian city though.

TC was shot and fell in the water. Bless.

Speaking of water, I'm thristy.

Too bad, it doesn't end here. It actually continues.

Fitz, is and this is no surprise at all, a bad guy and he is taking the battery maker somewhere unsafe we are betting.

CELIA WESTON! The ONE redeeming quality of this entire movie.

Miss Weston is TC's mother in this and doesn't know her son is still alive. Bless. She looks like she really does miss him.

I can't for the life of me understand why.

Another sort of car chase. It's getting boring, it's oh so boring and I don't recognise the zombie I'm turning into.

Drugged. Again.

They are in Sevilla, driving Mercedes now.

Dinner would be lovely right now. Still, 20 minutes left.

The plot thickens and there's an exchange of battery creater and some evil Spanish guy. Antonio something. He looks charming.

TC is obviously alive.

It's an HD quality which I've got to say is worth it. It looks lovely.

There's shooting going on and it's about as exciting as the Acapulco Heat action scenes from the 1990s



More car chase with the added feature of them riding a motorcycle and bulls are running after them.

More poorly done CGI for the bull fighting arena and blue screen stuff.

The Mercedes Benz logo is very prominent though.

Suddenly Cameron Diaz is like master shooter and it's very Mission Impossible II again.

Bad advertising for Mercedes Benz because battery maker just did something the car from the trunk. Not sure they are keen on that at Mercedes HQ.

Evil Fitz wins over TC in the sun glasses category.

KABOOOM! Dodgy battery. Fitz and his plane just blew up.

Unflattering angles galore! Cameron Diaz doesn't mind looking ugly ugly apparently

The drag queen Tyra Banks always talks about looking ugly pretty. This was definitely ugly ugly.

Black woman wears fabulous coat. The FBI woman.

Cameron Diaz just drugged TC. For a change.

The role reversing is not working. They are on their way to Cape somewhere in South America.

She just said "Get some tunes on the radio mister dj". I guess "hey mister dj, put a record on" was too expensive.

End Credits.

This is really dull. I can't believe I sat through it, or paid 5 quid for it. Well, I look at it this way, at least now you don't have to.

Now go forth, and watch a good movie like Black Swan!