Liar liar pants on fire

Yikes! Everyone knows? It's all they talk about? It appears that at least the Italian swim team knows. Oh, what the hell I might as well tell the whole story.

I made it out of my original plans for New Years Eve. I'm so happy! I'm elated! Wow, that was a lot of exclamation points. Still, that's how I feel. So, it took a big fat lie. Who cares, right? No big deal, right?

I had a very good reason to do it, mind. The original, original plan was that I was going to spend New Years Eve alone. Just hanging out with myself, maybe an undisclosed special gentleman friend would pop by for a glass of bubbly and a few treats. He couldn't make it. So, I was talking to a colleague who didn't think she had anywhere to go on Thursday. I felt sorry for her and said that we could always plan something. We agreed that it was a plan but she might have a slim chance to catch up with a dear old friend. It was fine, a win-win situation for me. Either she'd be coming and we'd have a blast, or she wouldn't and I'd still have a blast alone.

This is when things went to shite.

You remember Dullface, yeah? The guy who came along on my US tour. The one who didn't like gorgonzola pasta sauce. The dull guy. Well, he asked me if I was doing anything for New Years Eve. I said that my friend (Dullface knows her too) IM would be coming, but if she was OK with him coming, he could come. I figured that if she was there, it wouldn't be a big deal and he didn't sound like he had anywhere to be. Plus he doesn't like being by himself. Odd, very odd kreacher he is. Well, she was OK with it and I told him he could come. This was alright I suppose.

This is when things became even worse.

IM told me a couple of days later, that she wouldn't be able to make it. Her friend had cleared her schedule and would be visiting IM. Now I was stuck with Dullface. The last night of 2009 stuck with Dullface. No, I was not having it.


[The Hulk as seen at Universal Studios in Los Angeles photographed by moi]

No, no! I left subtle hints but Dullface was chatting on about shopping for groceries etc. So finally, after asking a few other friends and even my parents, how to get out of it. They all agreed, there was but ONE choice.

Lie through your teeth!

So, yesterday I told him that my parents had pressured me into spending New Years Eve with them and my brother because we hadn't spent Christmas together. Of course I don't know if he bought it, and quite frankly I don't give a damn.

I'm now spending New Years Eve at home. Alone, and still hoping that a mysterious gentleman caller may call upon me for a glass of bubbly. He would be most welcome, that's for sure.

It wasn't a nice thing to do, and now Dullface has nowhere to go but it's not like he was worse off than before. Plus he might actually have an OK evening, compared to the miserable night we'd both have in each others company.

On a lighter note, I found these and thought I'd share. You know, as I'm such a huge fan of Dolce & Gabbana.

Christmas: Attack of the sugar

Christmas came and went, and tomorrow it's back to the salt mines for 3 days while we stress about what we are doing for New Years Eve. Mine has been planned but as of a few days ago I'm trying to weasel myself out of them. Frankly, I don't want to be bored to tears on the last evening of the year. Especially since, so far (let's not jinx it), 2009 has been pretty darn great. Let's see what's going to happen. Until then, let's look back at a night I'll be remembering for years to come. Christmas Eve.

I spent the day on the sofa, lounging about, drinking wine and eating chocolates while watching movies and the Disney Christmas Show at 4pm. A major tradition not to be missed. Frankly, it isn't Christmas without the Disney Christmas Show with the snowball fight, Mickey Mouse, the Chipmunks and Pluto and the fabulous clip from Lady and the Tramp. Oh how I adore those.

It wasn't all lounging about with chocolates and Italian wine. Work was involved as I had to put dinner on the table. Before dinner got on the table though, I had to set it.



Then the real work began as I prepared the duck (not a whole duck, mind) and put it in the oven.



Then as the duck was nearing the time to get out, I had to make the candied potatoes (brune kartofler in Danish) - a dish not to be missed out. Here is how it's done.



The recipe I've been told by a colleague calls for

100 gram of sugar
100 gram of butter
1 glass of potatoes

I used a tiny bit more sugar and less butter. Some make it etirely without the butter which I suppose gives a different consistency to the caramelly goodness that sticks to the potatoes.

One



Put sugar into pan, and set thermostat to maximum heat. Full steam ahead! Of course, you must watch the pan at all times.

Two



Once the sugar has melted and become a bit caramelly, you add the sugar and stir. Mix the sugary butter goodness until it's come together as a thick'ish caramelly lovelieness.

Three



Add the potatoes, and stir a lot. Make sure that all the potatoes are covered in the sugary butter goodness. You should now turn down the heat a few notches. How many I don't know - see step Five.

Four



Keep stirring, and turn the heat up a notch or two. Make sure to be by the pan at all times, as you don't want it burning and you don't want this

Five



Full heat is too much. Boiling sugar is dangerous - potato or no patato. It exploded all over the place and I had melted boiling sugar and buttery goodness in my face, hair, over my arms and all over my kitchen. Including my lovely (not quite a Smeg) fridge. Quite shocking to be honest, but I managed with some cold water and baby oil. Although my face does have a bit of evidence of the evening of wine and candied potatoes.

Food was set on the table, as While You Were Sleeping started on TV. Oh how I love that movie.



I loaded my plate with food, and then remembered that I forgot to make the sauce. Oh dear.



What can you do? I decided to skip the sauce, as I rarely eat sauce anyway.

After consuming enough food to feed a small African nation, it was time for the dessert. The Cheesecake. Mmmmmmm.



Ah, the lovelieness!

Then on to wine and chocolates



And presents!



Oh yes, let's see the loot!



I finished another few movies, polished off the chocolates and another bottle of wine and went to bed.



How was your Christmas m'dearies?

It's cooking time!

I love cooking, and the sophisticated way of baking, you know, the kind where you don't get your hands dirty. Just pop stuff into a bowl and mix it up, and into the oven. Et voíla, fabulous baked goods! Christmas is a good time for that.

First of I just want to show you my fabulous marcipan treats, that I'm giving to my parents because I made the mistake of adding fruit flavoured stuff to it, and I simply can't keep it down.



It's just one of the jollies you get around the holidays.

Now on to what's really the matter. In Denmark we celebrate Christmas on the 24th because, we all know that's the correct day. We eat candy and other goodies all day long, watch TV, stress about the duck slowly roasting in the oven and guests start invading your home. The dinner at my parents house was the traditional roast duck, pork roast with cracklings, white potatoes, brown (or candied) potatoes and red cabbage. For dessert we always had ris a la mande or rice pudding with almonds topped with warm cherry sauce on top. Nobody can make that but your own mother. That's what they say, and my mothers is famous far and wide for being the best.

Why tamper with perfection? I won't be getting into that, when I'm celebrating Christmas in my own home this year. My parents are celebrating with evil bro and his spawn of satan this year. I like doing it alone, which is why I started my own traditions. This year I'm making Christmas cheesecake. How about that! There isn't much Christmas about it except it will be consumed at Christmas. This is how you do it - it's fairly easy!



You need what you see above

½ liter of cream (for whipping not beating, because it's eggs you beat)
200 gram of Digestive biscuits
125 gram of butter
200 gram of cream cheese (no added flavours or garlic cheesecake anyone?)
1 deciliter of icing sugar
1 tablespoon of vanilla sugar

One



Melt butter, and while that happens you bash the Digestive biscuits. I like to put them in a bag and bash them with a rolling pin while yelling "why are you home so late?" and "were you out having fun with the guys, I'll give you FUN!". You could also mix it up, or if you don't have a rolling pin, put them in a bag and slam it against the cupboards repeatedly while yelling "go back to that tramp again, you two-timing bastard!". Or you could go diva and scream "No wire hangers EVER!". I like that last one combined with the rolling pin.

Two



Mix the bashed Digestive biscuit into the butter and stir (simply just stir it Una) into the melted butter

Three



Put the bashed Digestive (now with the added glory of the butter) into one of those springform pans (the ones where the sides are detachable) and store in cool place until later

Four



Mix the cream cheese, vanilla sugar and icing sugar in a bowl. Come on everyone, say it with me - Your gravy is lumpy Pam, then simply just stir it Una! No lumps for us.

Five

Whip the cream - where's Indy when you need him! Unlike melting butter, I'm sure you all know how to make whipped cream. You cannot use the crap from the cans.

Six



Mix a bit of the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture. Just whisk away, this is no time to be gentle. I'm from the Nigella style of cooking where we aren't too careful about licking or whipping.

Six - continued



Fold the rest of the whipped cream into the cream cheese mixture, first not so gentle, but then be more and more gentle as you add the rest. We want it to be light and airy. Like my brain when I see tinsel.

Uuuuuh! Tinsel!!

Um, where was I?

Oh yes!

Seven



Bring out the springform pan with the Digestive biscuit crust. It's cooled down a bit now. The task is now to add the cream cheesy whipped cream filling into the pan. Don't be too fussy about the look of it. It's not meant to be all neat. Make it rustic if you like.

Eight



Wrap it up, and put it in the fridge until tomorrow.

Ok, because I know you are curious, this is the rest of my fridge



Tomorrow before you consume it, you can decorate it. In the original recipe it says to add black currant jam and chopped pistachios. I however, have had much success adding French unsweetened black cherry jam on top.

My response to whatever you add?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I prefer it the way it was, without all the extras.

Help me Doctor..

I spent Friday night on the sofa watching Star Trek and of course I loved it. As much as when I watched it at the movies earlier this year. Nothing new about that, but I did have a bit of a tightness in my neck.

Then Saturday night, after spending most of the day on the sofa relaxing I decided to do what I always do when I'm not going anywhere. On a Saturday. So, I put on some Kylie music. You see, Kylie has released a new live album recorded at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York. And that's when I started dancing around the flat.

I did it all. I danced to my hearts content and oh, my (poor neighbours), I sang along. Had I been ten years younger (I'm 27 mind) I'd have sung into a hair brush. By....


Kylie - Confide In Me, Live in New York

...I was so into it, that I was THE DIVA and threw myself to the floor.

Ouch! Aw Oww..!

I naturally went on and performed the last nine songs, because I didn't want to disappoint my audience, and I never cancel. Granted, the last part of my show was a lot more subdued.

By the time, I'd say my goodbyes, received my pretend flowers and gone back to my dressing room I could hardly stand up straight. I spent the night on the floor. In tears. I couldn't sleep and I was in so much pain despite consuming an amount of painkillers that would have made Anna Nicole Smith (shot here by Ellen Von Umwerth - gorgeous!) proud.

So Sunday was spent in bed, pills and vodka by my bed. Crying like another tragic starlet who just wanted to be loved, and pain free.

Today, I was able to make it down to the doctors office. Of course they didn't have any available appointments, so I was forced to go sit there among the riff-raff who, like me, had not been able to secure an appointment.

I tell you, sitting in the waiting area at my doctors offices, is dangerous. D-A-N-G-E-R-O-U-S-E I tell you! Even though my doctor is one of the more upscale doctors in town. All those sick people sitting there, coughing and whatnot. I kid you not, I was surrounded by sick people. SICK people! ICK! It was gross. Thank precious, I had my sanitizing hand gel with me, or I'd definately caught something icky. People are gross. YUCK!

Anyway, I waited for a good half hour, which I'm still fairly miffed about as they should know who I am. I'm Pete (or 'Petra if you ask IDV) for gods sake! Anyway, all was forgiven as I was lucky enough to get treated by the cute doctor. He proceded to rub my back, feel me up and hug me tight for a good twenty minutes, before I was allowed to put my clothes back on.

He told me to take deep breaths as he mounted me, and I told him "it's OK, I've done this before". He smiled and said that he was sure I had.

So now I'm all better again, floating on my usual glittering, diamanté encrusted pink cloud, waiting for the soreness to go away.


E-rotic - Help Me Doctor Dick

4024

Must.Start.Blogging.Again!

Time flies when you're having fun, isn't that what they say? Well..let's see

Fun - Check!
Time flies - Check!

Yup, it's true. At least for me. I've been way too busy to blog anything lately. Mostly working, but I've been going out a bit too and had a few dinner parties which was nice. Still, I suppose a blog post would have been the least I could do.

What I did do, was go to the movies with friends to watch 2012 - twice!

I know what you are thinking, why did he go twice? There really isn't one reason, there are many. By many I mean, there are these

1. The promise of a campy disaster movie, and it was.
2. The surprising moment where Amanda Peet (Remember Jack & Jill and Central Park West?) actually stepped up and delivered something that would have landed Kim Basinger or Julia Roberts another Oscar (because really, they didn't deserve those Oscars for their performances in those movies, did they! Let's be honest, No effing way!).
3. Anything where they feature John Cusack as the hero who will save humanity. Really, a rubbish B actor like that. Campfest 2.0 here we come!
4. The dodgy CGI and special effects. There are two scenes with CGI worthy of only Spiceworld or maybe Critters.
5. The hilarious Russian accents. Especially supplied by Zlatko Buric who is acts a lot in Danish movies. Apparently we can't get enough of him, heh!
6. The hot russian pilot Sasha played by Johann Urb
   
   
   
7. Watching scenes from LA and Vegas (well they were demolished and I felt quite sad watching that) and I was all like "hey I've been there!!!"
8. Double checking if they really didn't care about the Russian girl dying
9. Double checking if the giraffs did poop on the Russian girl
10. The jokes were fairly stupid and I had to double check if they really were THAT lame
11. Found the idea behind the movie fairly interesting

All in all, it was interesting, and suprisingly not really as B-movie like as I thought it would be. Most of all I suppose Johann Urb sold it for me. Putting him in a uniform and parade around, is always a major plus. A good time was had, both times. Although it was a little long the second time.

So, how have you been?

Danish stuff

I thought I'd share with you my favorite songs by Danish acts of this moment because it's not likely you'll hear them on the radio and you simply must hear them. Or at least see the videos because yeah. They always add some fun to the whole thing. The strange thing is that the first two are in English.


Aqua - Back to the 80s.

This one really hits the spot because it abuses all the things I LOVE about the 80s. I wish I had been a teenager in the 80s. Still, who doesn't remember Bananarama and well, Commodore 64?


Alphabeat - The Spell

This is one of the most positive bands I've ever heard. They seem so happy, and quite frankly I'll take two of whatever that blonde boys took.


Joey Moe - Yoyo

This is not really my style, but I kind of fancy Joey Moe so you learn to live with the dodgy lyrics and the whores.

There is also one song that's really doing the rounds here which is really annoying because the song is awful. Awful! Well, I'll let you judge it yourself.


Medina - Velkommen til Medina (Welcome to Medina)

And finally this one... (you'll get a kick out of that one, I'm sure)


Johnson - Teriyaki

Don't complain, at least I posted something (and thanks to all the welcome backs I got)

Happy Hallowii

It was Halloween, wasn't it? This is not an old tradition here, but rather a new International or let's just say it... American tradition we've adopted because why be different? Next we'll have Thanksgiving and 4th of July. Oh well, it's here and it's not that bad. Dressing up is always a hoot and a half isn't it? Any excuse to have a party and get sloshed on gin martinis and fruity umbrella drinks. I just wish people around here (especially my increasing circle of hot friends - WOW!) dressed up like this

or this

Super hero fetish, moi? Nooooooo...

Anyway a colleague of mine pronounces Halloween, Hallowii and we had quite a lot of fun out of that at lunch one day. She was fairly confused though. I'm sure she thinks it's like a festival or something. Who knows when it comes to old people.

I realise I haven't posted anything for a month. A MONTH!?! That's a long time. Things have just been completely out there workwise, and I've caught myself a little piece of a real life outside work. A little became a lot and here we are, a month away from blogging. Sorry, in case you missed me and in case you didn't notice, well I feel so much better then. I think.

Last time I blogged, I was on about PeteUSA2009 which was my American tour. I had just arrived in Vegas (BABY!) and some moron at O'Hare in Chicago had misplaced both my suitcases. A long story short, the next day Dullface and I went to an outlet mall a little outside Vegas (BABY!) and I shopped to my hearts content at Calvin Klein and such. By the time we got back, both my suitcases were in my room. Pheeew!

I could go on and on and on about Vegas (BABY!) and I probably will my next post, but for now I'll just say this. Vegas (BABY!) is frickin' awesome! It was one of the major highlights on my tour.

That is all for now.
Love to you all

Pete

Can I get a banana over here?

I'm sad to say that my birthday is over now. I had the day off and just watched old movies, slept in, ate fabulous food and had some lovely drinks. Although I much prefer puddings, for a birthday there's always cake. So it was lovely while it lasted.

So as a thank you, to all my devoted fans, friends and the rest of my dear readership I give you a lovely cake.

Now, let's get to the real order of business. The PeteUSA2009 tour. I left you after we had lunch at Prego while waiting to board our flight to Chicago (where we jumped onto our flight to Las Vegas). So we boarded the plane and were seated - in monkey class. Now I don't do economy class. However there was no way Dullface would pay for any upgrades and I felt pressured into trying to get an upgrade because afterall we were together. So there I was in monkey class for 7 hrs and 45 minutes.

I read a little and managed to miss the beginning of 3 different movies before finally catching an episode of Bones from start to finish, where David Boreanaz (YUM!) boxed in an underground boxing thing to find the murderer of some guy. Well they kept showing it over and over, and over again. So in total I watched it maybe 4 times. It was still good by the time they shut off the entertainment system for landing at O'Hare.

Also I had never been that close to Donnn before. Excitement overload!

We had an hour and a half to get through immigration, customs, find our gate and get onboard our flight to Las Vegas. Stress overload. We had to pick up our suitcases and hand them over to some woman with credentials up her hooha - I wonder what they really were.

Anyway I'd done the math, our flight from Chicago to Las Vegas would take 3 hours. Two and a half hours into the flight I was preparing for landing. It turns out I was the only one. An hour into the flight I felt like I sat on pins and I was beginning to get a little worried.

Did the flight attendant in the cheap blue lycra outfit and Dr Scholl sandals say we would be using the seat cushion as a floating device in case of a water landing?

The flight felt like it took forever. Of course waiting for my bags to arrive on the stupid luggage carousel thingy. I waited, and waited and by the time there was only a stupid leopard print makeup case left on it, I gave up. Dullface had already gotten his two suitcases off the dastard thing. So I went into the US Airways customer service office. It was still early for being in Vegas but the airport was quiet.

Inside the office there was a nice girl, nay woman. She was very disinterested but asked me where I'd last seen my two fabulous (ok, she didn't say fabulous, but they are dammit!) suitcases and told me that they probably (yes, that was her word) didn't make the plane in Chicago and would be delivered to my hotel the following day. She asked where I was staying, and I reluctantly said I stayed at Luxor. She smiled, and I sent her my best, "I know" smile.

She also needed to know what was in my suitcases. Of course I could hardly remember any of the things, and first said "um, clothes?". Could you be more specific? she said. So slowly I began listing the significant stuff, including my laptop. How could I forget that?

I'll have the same

I went to America last month. What? You hadn't heard?

The shame!

It just seemed to be time for Pete to tour the US. My tour was called PeteUSA2009 and was destined to hit the following cities

Las Vegas
San Diego
Los Angeles
San Francisco
Chicago

It was about squeezing in as much as possible in the least amount of time. Mostly because I'm not very famous in the US and my busy schedule in Europe and Scandinavia.

Early on I decided to keep a journal to document what I did, ate, experienced etc. because you never know how much you remember when you get home. I brought along a little book and wrote about every day on my 23 day tour. This little book is turned into a photobook, and is available in good bookshops world wide. Some of the stories and photos will be published on this blog.

As regulars know, I let someone tag along. My friend Dullface. It wasn't a huge success but he did allow for some amusing anecdotes, like the following.

We'd arrived at noon at the Copenhagen Airport and decided to get some lunch before our 8 hr flight. Dullface wanted a pepperoni pizza (this will be brought up at later date) and I was up for anything - except pizza. We settled on a café style place called Prego. They sold pasta, pizza, sandwiches and salads. I was first in line and Dullface asked me what I was ordering. I told him I'd get the plain pasta with gorgonzola sauce and beef tenderloin and he nodded. Clearly not sure what it was.

I ordered, got my food, went to pay while avoiding the paparazzo. When I sat down to eat, Dullface came over with his plate and he had ordered the same as me. I blinked. Then started eating, because it was not my business what he ordered, but I knew he wouldn't like it. He had three bites and pushed the plate away. Inside, I laughed so hard and then summoned all my restrains before asking if he didn't like it.

He said, he wasn't hungry.



Gratuitous Santa Monica Lifeguard totty.

Interlude - My life in Bollywood

Here I am again. It's 8.30am on a Saturday and I'm about to go to work. With so too much work and too little time, I've had to resort to this. Well, did I mention I have Mon, Tues and Wednesday off? With 69 cases I must get through before then, I've had to do this. So, this means yet another non PeteUSA2009 tour post. It's bad, isn't it? At least I've gone through the photos from my tour by now.

Earlier this week I downloaded a new Kylie track off iTunes called Chiggy Wiggy. It's from the Bollywood movie Blue in which Kylie has a tiny part. She dances and sings and as far as I'm aware that's it. The song is number 4 on the Indian airplay chart which is a first for an international singer ever. No one has ever been that high before. The song is of course inspired by the feel of Bollywood and panjaby(?). Whatever, it sounds like nothing I've ever heard before and I got inspired.

I was sitting at work at about 7.30am and one of my crushes is at his desk next to me in this open office environment. So picture this.

The music starts up. I get up from my desk in my tiny cute outfit and 6 inch heels. Wiggling around, shoulder shakes and shimmeying. Then the other girls from the office - age 40+ in all shapes and sizes joins in the dancing for my crush. The panjaby singer comes in with my male boss singing and we dance together through the song. All Bollywood style, and then it finishes and we sit down and get on with our work. I don't know, maybe you need a bit of inspiration?



All in a days work I'd say.

Being boring

It's Saturday night and I'm sitting here in my manpri's and an oversized (circus size) shirt with a glass of water. So...


I was tagged to do this memememememe by IDV so you can ALL blame him for this not being a PeteUSA2009 post. Bless him. Personally, I'm quite thrilled by this, because I have no idea where to start on my US tour story. Until such time, here are the answers to these very probing questions.

1) My mother once: told me that if it's not real silver - why bother, and if I don't learn to cook and clean, I'll never land myself a husband.

2) Never in my life: Have I ever done anything remotely indecent with a girl. Unless you count smoking, stealing apples and dressing up in her grandmothers clothes (along with the girl, not the grandmother).

3) When I was five: My brother died. I vaguely recall sitting on the front step the day of his funeral with a flower, waiting. Thinking it was a beautiful day.

4) High school was/is: A nightmare.

5) I will never forget: Las Vegas.

6) I once met: Bette Midler. It sounds like ages ago, but it isn't.

7) There's this person I know who: Is the most boring person I've ever met. Ever.

8) Once, at a bar: Someone walked up to me and licked my neck. I never did find out who it was. For all I know it could have been a girl. Bleugh!

9) By noon I'm usually: Under the delusion it's only 9am.

10) Last night I: Played Wii Sports Resort and had Ben & Jerry's Baked Alaska (if it's melted, it's ruined) before going to bed at 10pm. Such a glamorous life - I know!

11) If only I had: A brain?

12) Next time I go to church/temple: Will be my funeral.

13) Terri Schiavo: I thought it was a campy soap actress like Terri Garber or Tracy Scoggins.

14) I like: Dark chocolate, Champagne, drinks, hot men, fine foods and classic movies. Oh, and Kylie.

15) When I turn my head left, I see: My printer. Fascinating.

16) When I turn my head right, I see: My bedroom window overlooking the lawns and parking lot and my bed.

17) You know I'm lying when: I tell you I look hot.

18) In junior school: I once held down a bully and painted face with a permanent marker.

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I'd kill myself. There is no way I'm wearing those clothes.

20) By this time next year I: Hope everything's going as well as it is right now.

21) A better name for me would be: 'Pete? (I have such a lively imagination, no?)

22) I have a hard time understanding: Why people willingly wear cheap looking plastic cloglike shoes.

23) If I ever go back to school, I'll: Study law

24) You know I like you if: I can't stop smiling when I'm around you. Um, I mean if I want to hang out with you.

25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: My hair, makeup and director of photography crews.

26) I hope that: Eventually I'll marry a rich man.

27) Take my advice: Say NO to Crocs

28) My ideal breakfast is: Eggs Benedict, toast, Buck's Fizz, a cup of tea and fresh fruit served by George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Milo Venticafelatté from Heroes and Jamie Denton.

29) A song I love but do not have is:

Take That - Relight My Fire

Lene (from Aqua) - It's Your Duty

30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: You bring a book, because it's painfully boring around here.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips and track stars: Nasty tasting, compulsive, Ayo Technology and fit.

32) Why won't anyone: Believe me when I say I am innocent?

33) If you spend the night at my house: Don't even think about trying on my shoes.

34) I'd stop my wedding: If I found out he wasn't rich after all.

35) The world could do without: Crocs, Crocs, Crocs, Celine Dingdong and Beyonce.

36) I'd rather lick the belly of a roach than: wear a pair of Crocs.

37) My favourite thing is: Cocktail parties, shoes and hot men.

38) Paper clips are more useful than: People give them credit for.

39) And by the way: I'd rather put pins in my eyes than watch any of the sequels to the movie Lord of the Rings.

40) The last time I was (really) drunk: I played foosball and darts (both, apparently quite poorly) with friends and waking up the next morning not knowing how I got home and feeling a little sore.

41) My grandmother always: Well she died before I was born, but my great grandmother always said the important thing in life was knowing how to cook, and finish each day with a drink.

Was it worth it?

Well, I'm back home.

I'm confused, exhausted, jetlagged and slightly depressed.

Everyone keeps asking "well, was it worth it?"



Yes it was worth it. I will be revisiting the subject soon because I've got quite a few nuggets to share. I just don't know what shape or form they take yet.

Power shopping, latté drinking, mastercard using

While CyberPete is touring California and Chicago, I'm stuck at home. The worst thing is that he took my mastercard and left me with little else but a bottle of San Pellegrino, a slice of mouldy cheese and half a tub of frozen yoghurt.

At least he's coming home soon, and I'll get my credit card back and I can be fed again. Good times! He's been sending me photos from his fabulous tour - PeteUSA2009 - and while you can't see it in the photos, he has turned into a Starbucks cappu-frappa-latté drinking power shopping bitch. Instead of publishing photos of him strutting down The Miracle Mile in Chicago and Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills with his cappu-frappa-latté and bags from Dolce Gabbana, Fendi, Salvatore Ferragamo, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, Tiffany's & Co., Hugo Boss, Gucci, Prada and Giorgio Armani we show you a few photos of Kylie.



Pete's having a party in his Chicago river view hotel room.



Shoe shopping



Looking at bags



Shopping for more shoes

PeteUSA2009

I can't believe it's been that long since I last posted anything. July 26? Time flies. It's not that I've just been twiddling my thumbs all that time. I've been busy, honest. Strangely enough it's been one drama after another, so here goes..

First my wonderful Nintendo Wii broke. It didn't want to boot and I couldn't get the disc out so I had to turn it in. I can pick it up again on Monday. Before I got that text today, it hadn't been a super kool experience because the shop was totally without interest and compassion in my time of need.

Another major drama which has been going on for quite a while is that I'm travelling to the mighty US of A tomorrow with a Dullface (you know, my dull friend). Apparently we had and still have very different ideas about travelling and what comes with being away for so long (we arrive back home on August 31).
He genuinely thought I'd want to share room with him for all those days to save a bit of money. He then thought I'd think it was OK to not live at the same hotel, and he doesn't want to do anything that costs money. His idea of going to a restaurant is McDonalds. I find this out after we had booked the plane tickets because he actually thought that it was understood that everything was like that. Oh, and since he's already been to Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam he doesn't want to go there again so I can just do that on my own if I want to go. Like I said major drama.

That wasn't the end of the drama about project PeteUSA2009. We had planned to go see a baseball match - not that I have any interest in baseball whatsoever, but he thought it was part of the culture and that I had to see that. We'd made a deal, I'd go see a baseball match of his choice and he'd go with me to see the Fabutastic Bette Midler in Las Vegas. It's not that he doesn't have the money, but now he thinks it's too expensive so he has bailed on that. At least I still get to see Bette (alone yes, but nevertheless) and don't have to sit through a baseball match. The drama just kept going, and I've resigned to just say "oh well... it won't ruin my trip".

There was the matter of where we are going, which for the most part had been settled upon from day one. First stop, Las Vegas, then Los Angeles we are just landing there and renting a car before we are off to San Diego, then Los Angeles before driving up Highway 1 to San Francisco where I'll more than likely be partying in Castro. Then we had decided we'd want another stop before heading back home. He wanted Cincinatti because he has family there. I didn't want to go there because I would get nothing out of spending 3 days with his family. My choice would be New York where we could stroll up Broadway, look around Times Sq. and sail around the Ellis Island and visit the Statue of Liberty. A compromise was finally reached and I still feel like I lost big time. We are going to Chicago. All I know about Chicago is Oprah, it's windy and there is the Sears Tower. Oh, and Dullfaces family might make the trip to see him.

Anyway, the hotel decisions were the worst bit, and I almost ended up cutting my losses and saying I didn't want to go with him. Eventually we reached common ground - or as close as one can get while still feeling like one lost big time. We are staying at hotels with no less than 3 stars, and my hotel room in San Francisco has a bay view. Dullface's doesn't as he didn't want to spend the extra £30 per night.

Now I'm all packed because I am, afterall, leaving in the morning but I'm still missing a major thing. You see, I used my Visa card to pay for the hotels and I didn't know there is a limit to how much money you can use on a Visa over a 3o day period. My limit is spent, but I thought I'd be OK. Or so I was lead to believe by my bankperson. I had applied for a MasterCard and "it should arrive before you leave" I was told. No worries then, but the only problem is that it hasn't and I'm leaving before the post arrives tomorrow. Of course Dullface has received his, and he applied AFTER I did. It's so unfair. Anyway, for a while I was really losing all enthusiasm for the project but now I'm slowly regaining it. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was out buying new - smaller sized trousers and shirts and new shoes to bring. I also bought a fabulous Bjorn Borg bag 20% off.

I also had my parents up for a dinner that involved Greek inspired potatoes with meatballs - also Greek and Tzatziki. Followed by a lovely homemade rich chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and raspberry coulis. To go with coffee I had made a cherry cheesecake.



It all went off without any problems but since it was my first time making cheesecake I was mighty worried about how it would turn out.

Finally, last night I went to 'smukfest' aka. Skanderborg Festival close to where I live. I only went because Kylie was going and I could hook up with her as we are dear friends. We rarely get to see each other, so naturally I had to go and have a glass of Champagne with her. A good time was had with her and her show was great. She was engaging and managed to get the audience who to their shame didn't know many of her songs, into it. It was great, complete arms in the air moment. The stage was tiny so she could hardly even fit her band on there, let alone her 6 dancers. Apparently she couldn't even bring any of her lights and lamps with her. She managed great without them and the show was a very scaled down show compared to her X2008 tour. If you have a chance to go see her live, you should definately go. She's taking her For You, For Me tour to the US of A after I've come back home. We couldn't get our schedules to fit because we are both very busy and important people.

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Anyway, I'm terribly sorry my darlings! I'll miss you all, lots.

Old and Bitter

First of all, I want to say that I got my iPhone back on Wednesday. It was a long wait but on the positive side I got a brand spankin' new one. Good times, as Tim would say. It was like missing a limb not to have it, which proves that the iPhone was the right choice for me. Honestly, I'd say the iPhone is for everyone. It's got everything you need (except Flash and a decent camera). So now on with the show. Last time I updated I purposely omitted my meeting with Madge. Of course you don't actually meet Madge, you see her on stage doing her thing and then she leaves. That's basically it really.

Well, we sailed from Millenium Pier to the O2 where the concert was held and apparently we arrived unfashionably early. Before anything else we went to the tats stand. You know, the place you buy the heartshaped sunglasses, hideous t-shirts and the tour programme. Naturally I got the programme which I will address later. For once Madgetastic was on time and he (I'm describing my friend here, not Madge - just thought I'd explain as that could be fairly confusing) had us eating our terrible concert venue pizza upstairs before heading into the arena (I suppose) while Paul Oakenfold was warming up the crowd.



I looked around to see how many people were there.



Clearly people could care less about Paul Oakenfold and cared more about hitting up Nando's outside, buying tat or dolling up in the loo. I could understand why because it was less than inspired and I got no warm feelings from looking at this sad old kreacher - to specify I mean Paul Oakenfold. He wasn't exactly warming anyones cockles.

So we patiently sat there waiting, and waiting for him to leave the stage. Then we waited, and waited until I spotted something



But I had spotted something. Four figures up near the far left screen. I swear one of the is the old bag herself. Unfortunately none of our cameras worked well enough to zoom in for a closer look but she was there. Looking over the few in attendance. It was kind of sad. Mostly for her and the kreacher.

Then the lights went out and all sorts of graphics whirled by on the monitors



A gumball machine. How inventive. Showing us how they were made from what I can only assume was old ingredients. All revealing her sitting on her throne - legs spread as wide as the old hip replacements would allow. It's amazing how flexible they make bolts, cements and plastic these days. Before we go further I'm giving you the set list.

• Candy Shop


• Beat Goes On


• Human Nature (YAY!)


• Vogue (YAY!)


• Into The Groove


• Holiday


• Dress You Up


• She's Not Me


• Music


• Devil Wouldn't Recognize You (YAY!)


• Spanish Lesson (she always performs the ultimate stinker from her recent albu doesn't she?)


• Miles Away


• La Isla Bonita


• Doli Doli


• You Must Love Me


• 4 Minutes


• Like A Prayer


• Frozen


• Ray Of Light


• Give It 2 Me

Now going through this, I am not entirely sure if these photos are in order and for which song she wore a particular outfit. What I do know is that I've skipped some of the outfits because they were, to be quite frank, hideous. That doesn't mean that the ones on display here aren't hideous, it just means there was something somewhat interesting in the photo or I needed filler.

Madge went all out by taking a car with her on stage and was waving a piece of clothing in the air. We had hoped she had kept it all on though. She is scary looking.


Most of her male dancers were quite good looking. There was one dancer though, with long hair. I don't fancy that.

On the Confessions on a Toilet tour Madge took out the old electric guitar and we were "treated" a few songs with Madge on the guitar. It was repeated on this tour. Apparently someone is under the delusion that they are a rock bitch.


Then there was a bit of costume borrowing going on - but I suppose it's a tribute that goes both ways. Oh and notice sexy dancer on the right. Nice! And nice boots!


On a totally unrelated note I kind of fancied the guy in front to the right. Mostly for his hair though. The person to his left not so much.

She jumped around on stage so much you'd think she was a 20 year old aerobics instructor. It was ridiculous. She could outdance all her dancers but it just looks wrong when a senior citizen does that.


Then she capitalised on the death of Michael Jackson. It was not why we were there but it was all over the news. Even in Denmark. Madge is a cunning, cynical business person who knows exactly what makes the news. The person dancing was good at it, it was just in poor taste.


She got down and boogied with her male dancers.



I must admit Madge lost me long before this, but I was just about to get into the groove again when a bunch of Hungarian folk singers came on stage and started playing. It felt like they would never leave. I just couldn't get into that. They massacred La Isla Bonita - a favorite of mine.


Then Madge molested the image of Justin Timberlake. He had to put up with a lot from Madges prosthetic hips whatever else was down those trousers.


See, the ugly male dancer was the one in the front to the right. I'm so totally not feeling Madges hair.



More guitar playing. The boots look like the ones from the 4 Minutes video. I'm wondering if the budget was spent mostly on makeup because surely the outfits couldn't have cost much.



If this was the actual ending to the concert I can't remember. What I do remember is that suddenly the lights went out. A big monitor said "Game Over" and that was it. No goodbyes or thanks for coming. Just the cold shoulder and giving us the finger once or twice. I swear I almost walked out.

Now these next images were ones I took with my iPhone. The ones above are mostly done by Madgetastic.









The God thing never gets old, or does it?

Anyway for the most part I had a good time. The Vogueing happened which was a huge plus. I had told Madgetastic that if there was no Vogueage going on I'd kick Madge in the groin and dump the remains in the River Thames. Apparently someone has connections. The dancing was too much, the vocal was alright, the visuals a little stale at times and the concept stupid. Madge does look scary in person. If you met it in a dark alley you should be very afraid.

I was more than happy that Madgetastic wanted to fly me to London to see the Old and Bitter concert and while it turned out to be more old than bitter, a good time was had by us. For me it was being in London more than the concert which is more show than concert. Not that there is anything wrong with that though. If I were a neutral party I'd give it 3 steel dild...sorry! microphones.

Well, I promised to come back to the tour programme. That was the lamest piece of tat in the shop. I should have bought the £8 button instead. It's just photos of Madge in very little clothes, airbrushed to oblivion and doing some sort of boxing stuff in a basement or somewhere dingy like that. Madges own person dungeon where Guy was chained up until he escaped long enough to get divorced?